Does a sex educator have to be having great sex a lot to be in integrity?
With Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and http://SexGeekSummerCamp.com.
Cathy: I can’t take him anywhere.
Reid: That’s why we sit right here, in front of this camera.
Cathy: Someone wrote in and said they’re a sex educator. Good job. They’re also going through a lot of transition about their sexuality right now. They’re not feeling connected, they’re not having a lot of sex. They’re wondering, is it authentic and alignment to give advice about sexuality …
Reid: When you’re not getting laid?
Reid: Absolutely. There are a lot of sex educators out there folks, that are not getting laid, just like the rest of the world. It’s okay. You’re modeling being human too.
Cathy: This is Reed Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli, from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: I mean, as long as your advice is valid … If you’re giving advice that doesn’t work in general, then you shouldn’t be doing it. If your advice and your teachings are valid, even if you’re having a dry spell, you can still help people.
Reid: Understand that it’s my belief, and the belief of a lot of geeks around business that Cathy and I hang out with, that we’re this interesting phase now where we don’t actually want our experts and our mentors to be perfect. We want our experts and our mentors to be human. Being fallible, let’s say that means, you’re a sex educator who can’t get laid … You being transparent about that, actually helps people trust you more, because you’re actually showing them that you’re like them.
Cathy: You get them.
Reid: You’re a human being as well. You don’t have to be the guru who never makes a mistake.
Cathy: Actually, this time can be a great time to… If you really notice what you’re feeling, it puts you in the head of your clients. You can say, “Hey, I do understand. I went through this time. I was doubting.” People do doubt when they’re not being sexual, people start saying, “Am I desirable? Am I worthwhile?” All those doubts come up. All the doubts that you’re feeling about your business and your expression in the world, they’re feeling about themselves and their lives.
Reid: Yeah. You’re just normalizing that there are things like dry spells. You know, you are somebody who let’s say, from the question … I’m making this up, I don’t know if this is real for the question … Let’s say that you’re a BDSM and kink educator and now for you in your own sexuality, you’re kind of moving out of the kink and the BDSM world. “What do I teach now? I was known. This was my brand for so long, but now I’m shifting over to here.” What’s great about that is, depending on if this is congruent for you, you can teach what it’s like …
Cathy: To transition?
Reid: To have things shift. To be, “Here I am noticing that I’m not really into kink and BDSM right now. Here’s how I’m grappling with it. If you have similar situations, here are the tools I think might help you.” You can actually, just by modeling who you are, you can open up whole other solutions for people who might be going through similar things.
Cathy: There’s all kinds of target markets too, for people going through those changes. Women that are going through menopause, people that are going through sex changes, people that are divorcing. They’re all experiences that can change how they’re experiencing sex in the world.
I think it was Brendon Burchard who said, “The best guide is someone who is a half-step or a step ahead of you, cause someone who’s already at the top of the mountain, their light is not going to help you at all. They’re not showing you the individual path.”
You don’t have to be all the way at the end of a solution. You just have to be a step or two ahead of the people you’re helping.
Reid: Cool. Leave your questions and ideas below, on these kinds of things. If you’re a sex educator or workshop facilitator or a healer or somebody who is a sex positive entrepreneur or a teacher, put your questions below as well, because we love answering these kinds of questions too.
Cathy: Yeah, we do. Good job.
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