Coming Out Kinky… To Your Kids?

Coming Out Kinky… To Your Kids?

How do you come out kinky (or do you…) to your children?

With Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.

 

Cathy: How do parents come out to their kids if they’re poly, gay or kinky? This is Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://theintimacydojo.com/

Cathy: And Reid has this great thing called the difficult conversation formula.

Reid: At http://reidaboutsex.com/difficult-conversation-formula/

Cathy: And we’ll put the link below. That’s a great place to start but it can be challenging.

Reid: For the kid or for the parent?

Cathy: Both!

Reid: Mom!

Cathy: I don’t want to hear!

Reid: So, don’t do it at kids birthday party.

Cathy: Or in front of their friends or…

Reid: Well, we hope that their friends are [inaudible 00:00:40]. So don’t come out then. Okay? That’s the first move [inaudible 00:00:47].

Cathy: Yeah. And you may want to give them some time to when you share, make sure they don’t have a big meeting right after or something. They may need some time to process it.

Reid: [inaudible 00:00:57] going after the baseball game or something like that.

Cathy: Right. Or like, giving a presentation for the boss.

Reid: “Hey, Johnny. That bat? There’s a reason that it was in our bedroom”

Cathy: Please don’t tell them you use their toys.

Reid: “Mom!” Oh, my goodness.

Cathy: Well, it’s so bad.

Reid: What are your comments about that?

Cathy: I’m sure.

Reid: So, here’s it is. It’s…a lot of different people talk about their, I mean, there’s a lot of great information out there. There’s a lot of sex-positive parents that are out there creating and generating a lot of great contents. So, what I would consider is research some of those people who has some advice. Ask them. Don’t let this be the only video that you take into consideration. And let them know…Here’s the deal. They probably already know or if they don’t know, they just don’t care. And so, my take on it – as somebody who doesn’t have kids, is when they come and start asking you questions or will often be like, “Mom, dad. Are you guys kinky?” That’s the time not to lie. So, don’t be lying about that stuff. And I think it’s appropriate to teach kids that, “Oh, you know Johnny. That’s not any of your business.” Like, that’s mommy and daddy’s or mommy mommy’s or daddy daddy’s or mom…whoever.

Cathy: This is very age appropriate like, you don’t tell your five year old the details. You’re thirty five year old may have questions that you would not answer to a five year old.

Reid: Yeah. And when you come home and your five year old has found your flogger, that doesn’t mean it’s time to tell them. And again, these are my opinion as somebody as I’m not a parent. The situation of how do you teach your kids that people are allowed to have privacy, like good life skills. And how do you teach your kids not to lie but that you can also say, Billy or whoever, that’s a private thing for mommy and daddy or mommy mommy, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, teach children that it’s okay to have privacy and that having privacy isn’t the same thing as lying. And then, bone up- no point intended, an age appropriate sex education. And then, be prepared for the day when you’re kids ask. I think some parents come out of the closet of whatever because they can’t bear keeping the secret anymore. And I think, maybe you should go, access some of the sex-positive parents for their opinion. And maybe talk to a therapist about it so that you’re not unburdening yourself on your kids to make you feel better.

Cathy: Yeah. If you understand why you’re sharing that will help you to decide how much to share and have, I don’t know how many people in coaching clients and friends that have shared that their parents kind of used them as a dumping ground or like a place to process stuff, is not appropriate.

Reid: Yeah. But teaching children and role modeling for your children in appropriate life skills, that’s the most important piece. And that they know that they can trust you. And again, like in my opinion, you can have a private life and not tend to help people as [inaudible 00:04:22] business. That’s not the same as lying. So that would be my quick advice. We leave some links in the bottom for other websites and people that I think are awesome. I’m not gonna ravel their names off right now coz I’m afraid of a couple of last names. I’m gonna be embarrassed if I mispronounce them. And if you’re a kid who’s watching or even if you’re an adult who has gone through this process of having your parents come out, what works for you or what you wish was different? Or even for yourself like, imagining that you’re mom and dad are into things you never thought of. How would you have wanted them to come out to if they ever came out? Let’s brainstorm. Give us some ideas.

Cathy: Yeah. Thank you very much!

By | 2017-08-26T19:08:00+00:00 August 21, 2017|Body Image, Dating, Relationship Skills, Sex Geeks, Shame|