What do you do if you’re having a hard time not falling in love when you have sex?
With Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: What do you do if you’ve been struggling with being sexual? You’re a really sexual person, but every time you’re sexual you kind of fall in love, and it doesn’t always end well. When you have that conflict going on, what can you do? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: The person that wrote in actually said that she’s been not sleeping with anyone for 4 years because every time she’s sexual, she tends to go over the deep end and get really attached, and it causes problems, so it’s just been easier to avoid that.
Reid: Yeah. My answer is, go to my website, do a search for either … You can find it two ways, Slut Protocols or Casual Sex Protocols. Get the check list. You can sign up and get a check list which is basically just ideas and protocols on how not to fall in love.
Cathy: It’s actually really good stuff. That might help for some people.
Reid: It’s mostly just understanding your own imprinting, triggers, and what has you start to fall in the, kind of like love chemistry of your brain, and the trip wires and triggers for that. When you start to understand that, there’s some simple things that you can explore that might help you from falling in love too deeply too quickly, and then not … sounds like wreaking havoc on yourself.
Cathy: Yeah. Taking things slow can really help too. In the Casual Sex or the Slut Protocols, you talk about limiting some contacts, and there’s some really good tips in there, but also if you realize that you fall in love when you have sex, getting to know someone and making sure they’re someone you want to fall in love with first. You don’t have to sleep with someone. If you’re very sexual it can be hard, but it can be worthwhile either just making out or kind of fooling around without having sex if you know that’s a trigger for you. If that can pull you in too deep so you start making bad decisions.
Reid: Yeah. This is just another way to start talking about dating your species. How do you figure out if somebody is a good fit for you and then you combine figuring out what’s a good fit so that if you happen to fall in love with this person, they’re already a good fit for you, and then learning how to minimize and have a little bit more control over how you trigger your falling in love response, which sounds so not romantic. However, falling in love, as this person who so generously wrote in, falling in love unintentionally can wreak more havoc than being a little less romantic and actually figuring out what triggers you falling in love.
Cathy: Yeah, and knowing that there’s many people you can have sex with can help limit that too. I know before I discovered how I could let people know that I was interested, I’m very shy, it seemed like if someone wanted to have sex with me or wanted to be sexual, I had to grab a hold. There weren’t that many people in my mind. When I realized that there were a number of people I could be sexual with and have a good time, that kind of eased that attachment issue. Also, having sex means in a group setting that helps too.
Reid: Which is one of the protocols.
Cathy: Yes, it is.
Reid: Check out Casual Sex Protocols.
Reid: We’ll put the link below.
Reid: May they serve you well.
Cathy: Let us know what you think.