How Do You Handle Your Partner’s Partner or Metamours?
Cathy: Reid, how do you deal with metamours or your partner’s partner? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com
Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Cathy is not wearing tux today because the Airlines did not lose her luggage and she has clothes to wear today.
Cathy: Coz I live here.
Reid: You do live here that would be weird if the Airlines lost your house.
Cathy: If they came in.
Reid: However I was at the awards show the other night and I flew in today and this is what I did come off the plane with although I did not wear this flying.
Reid: But that would be kind of fun. Alright, what was the question?
Cathy: You might get bumped to first class.
Reid: Metamours exactly. If it were only that easy.
Cathy: We just did a video on how to know if the person you’re with is really in an open relationship and were talking about maybe contacting or talking with their partners.
Reid: If they have partners.
Cathy: And different people handle it different ways, I’m curious how do you handle it?
Reid: For the metamour part?
Cathy: Yeah. Metamour means your partner’s partner basically.
Reid: Is it French?
Cathy: It might be I don’t know.
Reid: At some point it was Latin.
Cathy: Most things in Western culture.
Reid: So what I do, I like there’s no set answer other than if I’m curious about dating somebody or seeing somebody more than playing with them at the play part or something like that and I know they have other relationships I want to know that the other relationships are okay with me that I’m not creating weird stress in that relationship it’s going to splash on to me. So ultimately I would love to me everybody that’s not always the case and some people’s partners are like I don’t really want to meet you like we’re fine. And that kinda like if I get an email or text or something and everything’s fine versus we have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy and everything is fine for me personally I don’t feel comfortable seeing people who have don’t ask don’t tells because for me if I actually fell in love with somebody and would want them to come for thanksgiving dinner I want them to bring their people, their beloveds who are important to them and I would like that to at least feel great not even great just good or bearable coz some people just don’t like me but the idea of if my presence is causing them anguish that’s a lot in that and I want to front load the process and date people who are happy that their partner is seeing me that kind of open relationship.
Cathy: But I think metamour implies more to a partner rather than someone casual hook up in a play party and I believe from watching you that you tend to take more care about the deeper the relationship is it a play party if someone says they’re free agent you seem to accept thru that? Isn’t it?
Reid: I don’t understand the questions.
Cathy: You said you tend to check out, you want to meet their partner.
Reid: I mean as I starting to if I’m going to like see somebody regularly I would like to meet their partner mostly because I know that human beings tend to make things worse in their heads so if you’ve met me in person and I’m nice to you and you get that I’m honoring your relationship more than I’m honoring that I’m banging your partner coz like those kind of relationship and family and stuff like that’s really scared to me and I want people to know that and the easiest way for me to get you to start to see that that might be true that I’m really am honoring it is for me to pay the respective wanting to see you to get to know you. It’s also I think useful for me to see the couple or the triad or whoever entering into their world to see if they really are okay with me being there.
Cathy: Well, I think I can tell you a lot too because I’ve dated people in new relationship energy often means people are in their best behavior and they’re like really sweet to me are they being sweet to their partner too or is that.
Reid: Oh it’s like how they treat a waiter.
Cathy: Exactly. It’s a way of kinda that things because I’m demi sexual I always there has to be a heart connection for me to want to be sexual with someone. I tend to really like to meet like sit down at dinner and meet the partners of people that I’m seeing more than casually at a play party or something. And it’s actually been very beneficial coz I made some really good friends and one of my partner’s partner makes dessert and sends it to me with their partner when we get together for dates.
Reid: Oh yes the paramour friend’s benefits.
Cathy: And she’s an amazing cooks.
Reid: And if you never met that person you might never be on dessert list? So how would you? What would you recommend? What are your tips for being on the “dessert list” ladies and gentlemen? Leave some comment, hit subscribe! Put on the tux, dress up once in a while even if you’re just shooting videos.