When is the time to turn aside and when do you keep on going?
With Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: How do you know when it’s time to end what you’ve thought of as a long term relationship?
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://theintimacydojo.com/
Cathy: And Reid Mihalko from http://reidaboutsex.com/
Reid: I don’t know. That’s a relationship [inaudible 00:00:15]. Oh, my goodness.
Cathy: You actually have a recording on…
Reid: How to break up. Yup, how to end a bad relationship. But I don’t know if this is a bad relationship would they ask this question.
Cathy: Right. They’ve been together for five years and they’ve just had a three-month slow, mostly about stress and the widow.
Reid: Alright. So, ninety days is too soon in my opinion to pull any plug because at some point things will happen. You know, obviously, if some is having a mental condition or you just had a newborn, there’s or you know, you just got fired from your job, most people will be like, “Oh! That’s the reason why you’re not having sex.” And ninety days isn’t…well, it may feel like an “Oh, my god. This is such a long time.” I think ninety days is not, does not a ending a relationship make in my opinion.
Cathy: Assuming you’re in relationship. You’ve just started dating that could be a really long time.
Reid: Well, waiting three months to have sex. Oh, my god. That’s a different thing I know. Yeah. You’re allowed to wait as long as you want and if somebody has a problem with that, don’t date them. The “slump” situation in three months being in the slump. You know, I’m sorry for the frustration and the trouble and the confusion of why aren’t we connecting. But if it sounds like they’re stressed, then that’s the stress piece. Whether it’s three weeks or three months, the biggest thing to do with three years. The biggest thing in my opinion is to be talking about it. Been like hey, let’s build into the relationship that we could about all that stuff and support each other in the things that you need. And sex, there’s a lot of crayons in the crayon box of sex. You can have your partner hold you while you masturbate like, there’s a lot of different ways to connect and get your intimacy and touch needs met that doesn’t have to be about penis and vagina. You know, traditional sex. So there’s a lot of different options but three months while you’re totally, cruelly be concerned, I don’t know that that means you’re signaling or ringing, the tolling of the bell that things are doomed.
Cathy: Yeah. One thing you might want to look at. I loved you teach so well in your relationship courses. Figure out why you’re in a relationship and it’s something you may want to talk with your partner about too. Like, if you each understand why you’re in a relationship, it may help you have a much clearer idea of how much you have invested your partner [inaudible 00:02:54]. If you’re both in it for self-growth and support, it maybe that…Oh, okay. It may help clarify for you what you need and how far you want to go.
Reid: Yeah. Find out what are your over, what your intention for being in a relationship so all is like, why are you dating anyone. And then, what’s the overall intention for the two of you. And make sure everybody does the homework so that you know what your intentions are and where they overlap. That’ll help get some clarity. And then inside the clear you say like, oh, well, we’re still fulfilling on our intention. We’re just in a slump in these areas or you know, this area is not so good. And then how do we take it from bad to good. And then how do we take it from good to great. You can’t jump from slump to great in one leap. And we certainly can help you do that in 1,4 minute video. Leave your comments. Let us know what you think. Share this video with a friend who’s in some sort of a slump so that they can think about, Oh well, maybe the world’s not ending. It just feels like the world’s ending. And thanks for writing in. Write in more questions, we love them.
Cathy: We hope this helped.