Can you fantasize about someone when you masturbate? What is the ethics around this?
With Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from htto://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: So one of our amazing viewers wrote and said, it is okay if I fantasize, they’re talking to you, fantasize about you when I masturbate?
Reid: I didn’t see this comment.
Cathy: I haven’t share it with you yet.
Reid: Oh my goodness.
Cathy: You can always look…
Reid: So they want, I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com/.
Cathy: Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com/.
Reid: So the title of this video is, is it okay to masturbate to us?
Cathy: Yeah, can I fantasize about you when I masturbate?
Reid: Okay. I’m just an old grounds of how I am an educator. Philosophically, I have to say of course its okay.
Cathy: I think they are also asking what’s the ethics. Permission and what’s the ethics? When fantasizing someone when they masturbate. So permission they are talking specifically about you, so you can share what your thoughts are about it which you are okay with it.
Cathy: And then what is the ethics of fantasizing about people when you masturbate?
Reid: So really this is a great question. So however is asking, yes you’re fine. It’s not like a fine night number like they only have 2 times so make them counts. No, personally I’m okay with it. I don’t think it’s creepy and I think people who are in public figures who are out there who are like in some ways you might wanna inspire people and they think you’re hot or whatever and now you are father for their fantasies…
Cathy: Or maybe someone at work, someone you can see in the hall way, your coworker.
Reid: So where it gets tricky I think is digitally like this person who never wrote in then I would never know about this, right? And so if I don’t know then unless I’m thinking about like woo-woo energetic like people doing like weird energy kinda stuff. If I believed in that stuff and I do, I go go toys, I’m like my woo-woo toys. So if I never knew about it, it’s a tense to not to kind of impact on me. If I do know about it like if I’m like the office, right?
Cathy: Or a good friend that may not feel the way about you.
Reid: So people can get weird about stuff especially if you’re like, always like sideways glances.
Cathy: Except for lunch you had a hot sex in your head with this person that could make the interaction weird coz you had experiences that the other person has it.
Reid: Well I think this is comes an interesting question about we don’t teach people like the rules of engagement for fantasies so people are really sloppy with their fantasies. And their fans are kinda spill out into the real world now that you’re distracted you can’t focus coz you’ve been jerking off to your boss or whomever or your favorite You Tube celebrity. Well at the same time if you remove the shame and the guilt and you gave peoples tools to be like “oh yeah, you know I was dealing and Reid or Chris Hemsworth or whomever, my coworker pops in to my head and I created a really hot cool scene or you had a like a dream which you don’t have a lot of control over and you just enjoyed it. So then you kinda have this experience that you just enjoyed it. And when you are in the room with them in a meeting you can shift gears and actually be like a reality with this person that you don’t actually have that kind of relationship with. I think a lot of people are starting to coordinated. What are your thought on?
Cathy: I think for myself I try it just looking inside is what I do is, one if it’s someone I’m friend with or close to I try not to fantasies about them without their permission. Just because I don’t want to make the relationship strange. But I will sometimes look at the characteristics of the person and see what I like, why am I enjoy fantasies them “oh, that person is really warm and pay attention this way and I can pull them.
Reid: Or you just like them.
Cathy: Or maybe there are some aspect of them that I particularly enjoying and I can create that a generic person like I can make a fantasy about somehow that has those traits. I don’t think there’s a problem with public figures sometimes I don’t know but I don’t wanna make it kinda weird of a fan.
Reid: And then have you have friend that you have asked?
Cathy: I have a couple of friends that I’ve asked.
Reid: Coz now I’m like, I think that asking might be the weird. And how did that go?
Cathy: It was fine but I only asked people I was really closed to who knew I was not like comes stuckerish. I think it depends lie look at yourself, do you really hooked on people if you do fantasize about them it might be not wise choice because it will make the relationship weird. For me real lifer interaction is more important than fantasies. Maybe fan of someone on TV that you loved fantasize instead but of you can handle it, if you don’t feel it’s gonna be a problem either asked them. I think what we do in our minds is ours to do. But if you having your precautions in the real world then make choices not to do it.
Reid: I mean hey my crazy idea in my head right now is you can start a whole secret Santa fantasy club that work and then hand people picked out names and be like “oh, wow I have Bob alright”. I don’t know maybe that will work. What are your ideas? What are your thoughts?
Cathy: We loved to know.
Reid: And you all have permission to fantasies about me I don’t know with Cathy, I don’t speak in Cathy’s behalf.
Cathy: As long as it doesn’t make anything weird about me in person I’m fine with it.
Reid: Go! Comments, hit subscribe, never see us again I don’t know. That’s it.