Cathy: I’m here today with Yoni Alkan from http://www.ElementsOfSexuality.com/ and we just had this amazing dinner where we’re talking about the types of non-monogamous relationships and we wanted to share some of the ideas that you and I shared. This is Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Yoni: I’m Yoni Alkan from http://www.ElementsOfSexuality.com/ and we were taking about different types of non-monogamy and there are endless types because you basically do whatever you want but I usually break it down into four different types; swinging, sexually open relationships, polyamorous relationships and relationship anarchy.
Cathy: I’m very curious about the relationship anarchy but first can you give a little bit of a detail about each of the 4?
Yoni: Yeah sure. And again this is a breakdown, this is not 100% each person does it their own way but basically this is what we’re talking about.
Cathy: There’s fireworks in the background.
Yoni: Yeah and a running cat. So, basically, swinging is usually done in a couple with other people either switching or adding more people and it’s an activity done as a couple usually.
Cathy: I know some swingers that are single and participate in the community.
Yoni: True, true and that’s the important part that there’s a community. It’s a whole social thing and it’s a big thing. It’s more popular than you think. Sexually open relationships are basically on monogamy just a partnership just like any other but they have or may have sexual relations with other people outside of the relationship as supposed to polyamory which is multiple relationships at the same time, might be. When you’re polyamorous that means that you can have different partners from different sexes or genders or orientations or what not..
Cathy: Depth of relationship.
Yoni: Depth of relationship and it really there’s an endless amount of variations and each person does it their own way but basically, the idea is more than one partner is possible real relationship not just sexual relationship and relationship anarchy is the fourth kind in my point of view which is basically people who don’t want to define what kind of relationship they have like having a boyfriend. What does that mean? I don’t even know what boyfriend, girlfriend means. Wife is a social construct. Lover, they don’t want to talk about it that way. They’d rather say oh this is this kind of person that I see once a month and I don’t have sex with but we are so close and we talk about deep emotional stuffs. This is another per person that I live with and they’re my roommates and we have sex every now and then but they’re not close enough emotionally to be what other people considered to be a partner. Each relationship is define by its own rules and sometimes no rules at all. No definition at all. They just want to do what they want.
Cathy: I think definitions are really useful because one they let us explore what we want if we understand what other people are but they can be restricting because you’re trying to fit into bins just like male, female, binary like we all get to be who we are and like what we like. It doesn’t have to fit into bin to be okay. I was really interesting hearing your examples because I used to find swinger more as I don’t have to know your name to fuck you and polayamory as someone when I have a heart connection with you to fuck you. So it’s interesting hearing your additions.
Yoni: And a great question for you guys to ask yourselves is, what is a relationship? How do I define a relationship? I’ve asked this question so many people and each person gives different definition and that’s quite.
Cathy: Maybe we’ll shoot a video?
Yoni: Yeah maybe. That’s a good idea. If you’d like to see a video, please leave it in the comments and we’ll look at it.
Cathy: How about we come back and talk a little about Poly versus open cause I’d like to get little and maybe another video on anarchy cause I..
Yoni: Hmm, really spunky. Yeah, we can do that.
Cathy: We’re not anarchy. We’re not blowing anything up.
Yoni: Yeah, yeah, no.
Cathy: Please leave comments below. Let us know what you think? How do you define the different types of non-monogamy?
Yoni: Yeah, great. Thank you!