Dealing with someone’s odors can be challenging. Can you talk to them about it?
Learn how with Dan Powers and Elizabeth Wood from http://www.BeyondTheBedroom.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Dan: Have you ever been to an event and somebody really smell not quite right for you. Well, I’ve got two beautiful women here that can help us answer the question..
Cathy and Elizabeth: What do you do then? How do you tell them?
Dan: Yeah, yeah. There’s events that I’ve been to the, we get up close and personal with people and sometime they just smell that they haven’t bathe at all.
Elizabeth: Or maybe they have a bad mouth odor. And by the way, I’m Elizabeth Wood.
Dan: Oh yeah, I’m Dan Powers.
Dan: That’s really impact me.
Cathy: Well some people are very sensitive to smell and some people when they get very nervous like it’s just natural they could sweat a little more. And when you eat something garlicy, I had a smell like I needed to be really have some Italian dish the next day oh dear.
Elizabeth: That’s gonna come out of your skin.
Cathy: And it’s really uncomfortable, were taught to just ignore it and leave people alone. But when being intimate with someone like it just a conversation or it supposed to be close and I gazed. How can we be present if that is affecting us?
Elizabeth: So how I do it is I would say, let’s just pretend that you had garlic. It usually the night before like in the moment and not with me. But I would say something like Cathy, I’ve noticed that there’s something that’s keeping me from being closer to you and I want to be closer to you. I’m wondering if you have a garlic less like there’s a strong odor that’s preventing me being close to you. And then we get to talk about it and say maybe, you know next time I’m really sensitive to garlic so maybe next were gonna get together let’s both be mindful on not having coffee, not smoking, and not eating anything garlicky or too spicy coz my goal is to be really closely connect.
Cathy: I like that coz you offer saying you do want deeper connection.
Elizabeth: So how do you do say that?
Cathy: I had, I run some events were people showed up either they have really strong perfume that was were incense and no one can be around or they smell that they hadn’t bathe or like you said earlier like they are super nervous and they’re just like what we’d when we get really nervous . So I didn’t say the first time they came through to that but certainly in second time. I’ve taken my side and said, that I’ve used a difficult conversation formula, yes that Reid Mihalko has.
Dan: Who is he?
Cathy: From http://www.ReidAboutSex.com. I think he’s watching.
Dan: He’s a friend of ours.
Cathy: What you do is you tell them what you would like to happened and what you afraid of and then whatever you not telling them. So I wouldn’t, so Elizabeth I really enjoyed the couple of times we met and I’m kinda afraid of telling you something, I’m afraid you’d feel judged you won’t come back or you won’t talk to me anymore or feel ashamed. But what I really like to have happen is Reid know to tell you the truth and I be really honest with you and I really wanna do to get to know you better. And what I noticed is that your perfume is very confusing and it smells really strong for me and I feel like my body doesn’t feel comfortable around you so just to share that and maybe we can, I hope you don’t feel judged and I want to talk to you more about it.
Elizabeth: That make something, wow that was that sample that I got in a perfume counter and I wasn’t sure if I’d like it but I’m no throwing anything away. I’m so glad coz I couldn’t really quite tell if it was the right scent for me. So thank you and I appreciate your honesty.
Cathy: And some people may not take it that well and it’s a shame if that has happened.
Dan: But I’m willing to bet that they would go home and change their behavior, what it might be taking out of the world. So, thank you from that future people on that person’s life.
Cathy: If we grow nose glides, I mean they have commercial about it all the time. We don’t know how we smell like to other people and I would rather much have someone tell me right away that “hey, Cathy they shower more frequently or change something that you found out weeks later that everyone is avoiding you.
Elizabeth: That was a great question.
Dan: I do come up with a motive.
Cathy: Let us know what you think, would you something to your friend or to a stranger? And how would you say it?
Dan: There’s one thing for me for sure, I wanna go back really quick. There’s perfumes that give me migraines instantly. And that one, is worst is on the plane, when you got in a plane or somebody’s got this perfume on.
Cathy: Or coworkers that are really splashed on, you can smell them 5 minutes later.
Elizabeth: Maybe I’ll take a film like Dan walking through perfume section at any department store. Oh my goodness have to let them go about a hundred ft. As sample. I might film that.
Cathy: Thanks everyone.