What Do You Do When You Can’t Admit Something Isn’t Working?
When you get stuck, it can be really hard to stop and just admit it isn’t working. What do you do? Find out with Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Robin Wilson Beattie from http://www.sexAbledwithRobinWB.com.
Robin: Let me think what they’re struggling about that?
Cathy: No I’m going to tell you.
Robin: Oh yeah, that’s what I’m saying.
Cathy: What do you do when you can’t admit that you don’t know how to do something, this is Robin Wilson-Beattie from @SexAbled on twitter and I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and it is really hard sometimes you get kind of stuck where we’re like I can’t admit this thing is wrong or not working or something is not happening the way I need it to and then you can’t fix anything.
Robin: And do sit, can we cover half second?
Cathy: Yeah, I cut this first up.
Robin: Sorry, I’m just like now I’m thinking about the question. I’m sorry Cathy, one second, I don’t do this occasionally it just happens to me.
Cathy: I’m not distressed or upset. I thought maybe if I sprang it out to you it would be easier but apparently not. Sorry.
Robin: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m like going okay how do I teach people about how to fix things? Okay, okay, I’m going to have some water though.
Cathy: Come over here, we’re still filming and I just cut that part off.
Robin: Yeah yeah.. Yeah, yeah Oh shit…Oh well.
Cathy: I’m going to cut that out.
Robin: Okay, that’s awesome.
Cathy: I like to share that the feelings I have sometimes I think with people we often compare our insights when we feel all the feelings and all the distress and the mess. And we look at someone else you all have it together and you never feet that way.
Robin: Hell, no, Yeah yeah. When you no, basically can you just tell me again what you were asking? You said…
Cathy: If you don’t know how to do something or I had times the simple things stops me. I’m a Ph.D. engineer, I’m pretty smart technically and sometimes this little things will come up and I’m like I don’t know how to do that and my brain kind of freezes around it and it can be years sometimes of me feeling incompetent and bad about myself. I won’t say this to someone even my best friend, hey I’m feeling stuck and I just tell about this thing or would you help me do this thing?
Robin: It is, okay, I find it incredibly hard to ask for help and I’m pretty strong person and I’d like to think of that you know, I’m a survivor you know but I’m also you know helping to create things and you know and about teaching people about disability and sexuality and learning and seeing where there is need to be more outreach and things like that. So, I know that there are things on the surface yes I know that yeah I can do amazing things but I get stuck all the time. And sometimes on things that maybe just seemed little for other people but they are huge for me and it is just now like for me I’ve learned I mean I teach about inter dependence I believed that we all no one gets here all by themselves, no man is an island.
Cathy: We all need, yeah the electricity, I did not design the video…
Robin: No.. No.. Exactly, we are all interconnected and some of it you know, the messages that we get from society that you supposed to be handle you own shit all the time which is not true.
Cathy: It just muscle true, power true.
Robin: And so I am learning that when I get stuck to say I have people that I am fortunate, I have people that’s the most valuable thing in my life is that I have people that I can trust. And that are that I can mount, the ideas that I know that are supportive of me because I care about me as a human being and I care about them and I do design for them. And I’m running to these people to because of that hope fixing thing, I’m always better helping everybody else and telling everybody else like how to hey this is how you do this or this is how you that.
Cathy: I love that feeling. And one thing I remember is if I’m not fixing something technical that will help me reach people better I’m not actually serving another people because it’s hard to do. Like I’m still learning to build the muscle on doing things for me but if I remember that there’s other people that might benefit if I fix something.
Robin: Yes, exactly and that does my studies here and I sit a lot easier when you think of how you can help make life better for someone else because that’s the drive, that’s me, that’s why we do what we do you know. But sometimes I’m better at doing for other than I am for myself and having to admit one that I need help and support so you know people you know of course find that in different ways your community and how we reconnect and also how you learn to trust place a really big part on that.
Cathy: And I’d like to start with small things even with myself, do I trust myself to ask for help? Like hey Robin, I like how you do your make up I’m always feeling insecure about doing you make up. Would you be willing to that next time you do yours? Can you help me through it?
Robin: Hell yeah! I’d love to do that.
Cathy: And that would be fun so like little, if you start with small things that kind of not like Robin, would you drive me to LA today?
Robin: I uh.. Well you know..
Caty: But starting with smaller things
Robin: Yeah..the small things
Cathy: It is easier to do inside coz your building a relationship with someone whether there’s a mutual trust and support, whether they’re inter dependence?
Robin: Exactly. And yeah I loved it and not to mention when my friends, when some people that I trust when they ask me for help that’s an amazing feeling for me like I love to play stylus for my friends, if people let me trust them I’m the first store queen. We all have our skills and I like love color and I love but I love I can see items and stuff and I can see how they would benefit and bring out the inner beauty or that specialness of the person.
Cathy: See how she lights up? You might want to look for that and your friends and practicing admitting because if everyone in your community is never admitting they don’t know how to do something there’s no role models. So kind of saying you know I feel ashamed but I don’t know how to do that or feel stuck on that, you have all your friends go oh thank god someone is saying that.
Robin: Yes. Yeah, I think that’s amazing.
Cathy: Leave your comments below, we love to know what you think.
Robin: That was cool. Yehey!