How can you have a “conscious” relationship? Why do you want to be in a relationship? With Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Why be in a relationship? Oh my God. Have you ever really asked yourself that question? Why be in a relationship? What are you trying to get your needs met, or are you just in a relationship because back in high school it felt like a good idea to date the person who was in your lab and then now you’re just doing it because everyone else is doing it.
Cathy: Well, society does indicate, like if you’re single a lot of times, I’m single right now and people will act like it’s a disease. Oh, what are you going to do to fix that?
Reid: Did you say shingles or single?
Reid: Because shingles is a disease.
Cathy: Yeah, you should fix that.
Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: So relationships. A lot of people just kind of have them. They start happening, we’re supposed to date, now what are we doing? Do you like me, like me? I know we’re having some sort of thing, but we never slow it all down and actually ask ourselves why, not even why I’m in a relationship with you, why am I in relationships at all, and start to really look at what are the needs that you are trying to get met by being in a relationship?
Cathy: This is a really powerful concept. Reid teaches it at Relationships 10X actually, where you sit down and actually write that and then get together with your partner or share with someone else so you can get really clear on it. Knowing why you’re in relationships and what you want to get out of it makes it really clear to you, and you can articulate to your partner what you need to get out of it to be really satisfied.
Reid: You will, because my mom and dad didn’t sit me down and say, you know, with my brothers, boys, this is how your father and I figured out what our needs are in relationships and our intention and the intention we have for ourselves in relationships and then the co-intention that we’ve co-created for our relationship. Nobody does that, unless you’re smart like you are, watching these videos, geeking out with us, taking courses, reading books. Look at first, why be in a relationship, what’s your intention? What would you like to get out of being in a relationship receiving? What would you like to give?
Cathy: What do you bring to it?
Reid: Yeah, what do you bring to it? Are those things that actually make you happy, that nourish you, that light you up? Then share that with the people that you’re dating, share that with the people you’re already in a relationship with and be like, hey, I watched this crazy video, maybe you share it with them, maybe not. Then you’re like, I’ve been thinking about these things. What are your intentions for relationships? If you are in a relationship or you’re dating, it’s like, well what would our intention be if we were going to start a relationship. A lot of people dive from dating right into the deep end of the pool without ever putting on any of the gear and then they’re drowning. That was a good analogy.
Cathy: Yeah, it really was. Good job.
Reid: Thanks. I feel smart.
Cathy: If you’re doing online dating, if you’re single and you want to fix it, knowing what your relationship intentions are and sharing that in your profile, while it may seem vulnerable, it’s going to let the right type of people know that they’re a good fit for you. You’re going to find people with better Venn diagrams for your intentions.
Reid: What do you think about this? This idea of actually having a reason to do relationships at all. For those of you who are single and not really looking to date, what are your reasons for being single? It’s not something, it’s not some plague that has befallen you, but you may have intentions of wow, like oh, this is actually why I’m single right now and why I’m going to remain that for right now. You can get really grounded. Then if people like single shame you, you can be like “Au contraire mon frere.”
Cathy: This is why.
Reid: Here’s why I’m single right now. Why are you in a relationship at all? Throw it back on them and if they don’t have a good answer, send them a link to this video, because you’re a nice person. You can also leave comments. What do you think about these things? What are your intentions for being in a relationship at all?
Cathy: We’d love to hear it.
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