Cathy: So we have number of videos on Herpes and how to deal with it what is safe or safer? And we have a number of comments come back about it as well and there seems to be a lot of fear in the general culture around herpes and we have some people comment, some people said thank you so much for sharing this and normalize which one of things I loved that you do Reid, Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReiabAboutSex.com/
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/ and ultimately this video is about will herpes ruin your life? Dandandaaaa!
Cathy: Some people written in thank you so much for normalizing cause I think you do a great job for that and making it less scary because a large number of people do have herpes and many of them don’t know it and it becomes when people get really scared in their heads that can ruin relationships. I had clients diagnose with it were like I don’t know if I should leave life in monastery or whatever. So just realizing a lot of people have it some doctor’s won’t even test it test for it cause it so common and that they don’t want to and there’s a lot of fear about it.
Reid: So thank you everyone who writes in the herpes videos gets a lot of comments positive and negative and there some really like haters hate on the herpes and some of those comments we delete we don’t delete all the negative ones but the ones that are really, really vicious we tend to kind of takeoff for this reason but this is also video response to that. The ultimate question, will herpes ruin your life? Well that depends on how you look at STI’s and STD’s.
Cathy: Do you feel like your life is ruined?
Reid: No and I have herpes1 I’ve been tested positive for it for a long time and I don’t have outbreaks so to my knowledge I never had an outbreak I don’t know where is it located there’s a lot of people needing to get all the details right about herpes but you can get herpes1 used to be you don’t get it orally or it may be located around your mouth and that herpes2 you’d get mostly located around genitals or around your ass but that’s not completely true because you can have herpes1 genitally and you can have herpes2 orally.
Cathy: And I’ve gotten cold sores before and I don’t positive for either herpes1 or 2.
Reid: There’s a lot of misinformation and there’s a lot of fear around sexually transmitted diseases, sexually transmitted infection, STD’s STI’s whichever phrase you wanna use. Here’s what I think is important and this is just my opinion I’m no a doctor nor do I play on the internet. Herpes is not fatal, no one’s ever died from herpes that I know of I could be wrong and you could be somebody who could get herpes and is the person who’s nervous system allows you to have frequent outbreaks that are really painful in that situation herpes sucks for you and it might go on retroviral things like Valtrex and what not to lessen those outbreaks but it might still not lessen it. If you’re one of those people that has a really painful outbreaks frequently and that statistically speaking it’s not everybody but you might drool the short straw on that. My heart goes out to you cause obviously I’m not dealing with that and you may also be somebody and even I without having outbreaks were people like I don’t wanna sleep with you because you have herpes I totally get that you know what don’t sleep with me then it might hurt I’m polymerase so I have multiple relationships I might have somebody who don’t wanna sleep with me because there partners don’t wanna get herpes. That’s oaky we can start being adults once we get through the fear mongering in culture so the big thing about herpes is not fatal. Moving from there ruining your life if you have the common outbreaks frequent outbreaks that are super painful yeah that kind of sucks but the way I’d like to think about it right now in this video is you could ruin your life by driving a car.
Cathy: We’ll there’s people they get the flu and die, there’s people one of the first worship that I went to when you were teaching was about STD, STI’s and you ask everybody what’s the common STI was and people are guessing gonorrhea, herpes whatever and you like NO it’s a common cold and that really normalize it for me. There are people that do die from the common cold.
Reid: Oh I never thought I would like that.
Cathy: So, there is a chance but the person who reback to this comment they’re saying you can’t roll over you bed and touch him without risking getting an infection and your life being ruined. That’s true and your partner can get common cold that nervous system might not be strong enough and you could die. There is risk being human and connecting.
Reid: And with some people with auto immune deficiency or malfunction or certain challenges around things like getting a sexually transmitted disease is more risky for their health so I don’t wanna minimize any of that.
Cathy: When I was in the hospital with pneumonia no one in the cold would come and see me because it might have killed me at that point but that doesn’t mean people with colds in general are not gonna in the middle the bubble I wanna connect with people.
Reid: And the fear and the shame around STI’s and around herpes specifically even though herpes is not fatal the shame, we don’t have shame around driving people die driving all the time you can learn how to be a better driver wear your seatbelt, you can wear your condom when you’re having sex when you drive I can have warning right now. You can do things to help be a safer driver but doesn’t mean you won’t get blindsided it doesn’t mean you won’t sleep with somebody who doesn’t know they have herpes cause they never gotten tested for it yet. A lot of people have STI’s and STD’s are a symptomatic which I’m big proponent of get tested at least once or twice a year if you’re super sloppy like me get tested 3 or 4 times a year and date people who also date people are tested who are also attended. And if you have somebody you are the person, I can’t get herpes then try not to sleep with people who have herpes coz it’s really hard to prevent skin to skin contact that would allow herpes transmitted. It actually to prevent the exposure and transition of gonorrhea because how gonorrhea if you’re nerd like me gets transmitted, wear a condom for oral sex and penetration sex kind of helps with gonorrhea and gonorrhea for the most part is treatable just like syphilis and chlamydia were herpes isn’t really treatable you can’t take retro viral to help to suppress it but you can get rid of it. Herpes is for life but I wanna say is the fear and you don’t tell somebody who has a driver license you gonna ruin your life, you could ruin your life driving and there’s no way you can’t prevent getting side swipes or gear ended. The only way to pretend to that is to never drive but we don’t have shame in blaming, in guilty around driving. I would just consider you to think about all this from my perspective of what’s life s “threatening” versus “altering” and herpes are damn inconvenient but did you really ruin your life? I don’t know I would ask you to think about that s what’s the definition of ruin and try to remove the shame in the room and stigma of different conversation about STI’s and STD’s.
Cathy: Really appreciate your writing and we know that this is difficult topic and we wanted to make it a little bit easier for people that are facing the fears and the shame around it.
Reid: Last but not the least who believe that there’s a cure for herpes and you wanna post about it I’m gonna ask you to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org the science and I mean science with a capital S behinds what you think is a cure if you can show me documented I’m all for it, I’m waiting for cure and if you don’t have sciences stuff and by science I mean you give it to somebody who has a PhD and she would looked over it and be like that science. Please don’t post what you thinks is a cure in the comments I well somebody who needs to be representing science to certain degree I would delete those comments but thank you for sharing and email me the science at home please.