Reid: This is Video 3 of the Energetic Sex.
Cathy: And this is Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Yes, and this is our little wineglass from the last ones. If you haven’t watched the first two, it will make a lot more sense if you watch the first two.
Cathy: Being present is really important. There’s a lot of people if you’re on a date with them, or whatever and they touching you it’s kind of like that.
Reid: That would be weird date.
Cathy: I’ve been on some weird dates.
Reid: They just do that like that?
Cathy: Well, they’re trying.
Reid: Are you on fire? Are they trying to put you out?
Cathy: I’m not sure. No. I’ve been on some amazing dates but some people have never learned anything beyond 7th grade, so they think that when they touch someone—
Cathy: Yes, it’s kind of tag, it’s like, “Okay, isn’t this hot?”
Reid: “I’m going to hit you with my lunchbox.”
Cathy: When we’re more present with our touch and more aware of the feeling, it’s a lot more sensual, so if we can be present with how our fingers feel when we stroke someone or touch someone, it changes the energy completely. So for energetic sex–
Reid: This is almost like a requirement. So the difference — if I can use your arm again. The difference is if I’m going so fast that I can’t feel you, it’s almost like I’m driving in a car trying to read the street signs, I’m going too fast, I can’t actually see the information.
Cathy: So you can’t tune to the energy.
Reid: So I want to slow down enough so that I’m actually traveling, or touching, at the speed of being able to pick up the sensation, and that would be a better speed for me to be able to listen. For some people, being still is actually what they need, and it might be for you, the receiver, being still but for me, the toucher, you’re the touchee, me being still might help me have a better listening for what’s going on.
Cathy: It helps me relax too and other women I’ve talked to said the same thing, if someone’s moving too fast, I’m never relaxing enough to even emit a frequency.
Cathy: Or to be really present and feel what’s happening. I’m thinking, “What’s going to happen next?”
Reid: So the rule for energetic sex, especially starting off, is going slow. Go to your wine glass place, watch the other two videos if you haven’t. Listening into your partner, trying to figure out what their note is, or their radio station, and then when I can tune into you, what I’m imagining I’m doing is almost like a water faucet.
Again, these are just images, we don’t have science for this yet, what I’m doing is I’m turning up the water faucet, and making it louder, your wine glass will vibrate more if I’m giving more energy to you, and then in that with me vibrating, you start to vibrate, your vibrations will start vibrating, and then we’ll get into a feedback loop. And we’ll be right back. Because the food’s here that we ordered.
More articles on improving your sex skills: