Want the inside scoop from Kelly Shibari from http://ThePRSMGroup.com and http://www.KellyShibariXXX.com? Join Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com as she talks with Kelly about appreciation and being approached.
Cathy: So how does someone approach you and tell you that they like bigger women without appearing creepy.
Kelly: You know, the funny thing is when I used to be in college — because it didn’t really happened so much if you’re 12 because my K-12 was in Japan and I was bullied for being a chubby girl for up until I was in high… right before I graduated high school. It was kind of funny because my graduating yearbook actually has all this people say, “You look very pretty at prom” like this sudden realization that you’re actually not very ugly at all. When I got to college I think a lot of that age group is people are finding what they prefer but they don’t know how to express that because guys are just as dorky as girls even more so…
Cathy: There’s not really role models for sharing with someone…
Kelly: And there’s no practice. Life is practice for dating and there’s no coaching for college kids on how to ask women out and vice versa.
Cathy: That would be a great class to have.
Kelly: Right? There’s no coaching for women on how to let guys down or how to accept or how to actually let a guy know that you’re interested because I know and we’ve had this conversation that the guy that we’re interested in is the person we don’t talk to.
Cathy: We’re so shy. They come up, you can’t talk.
Kelly: We’ll talk to everybody else in the room. We’ll be a total goofy dork but the one guy that we want to talk to, the one guy that we want us to be asked out is the one guy that we don’t let know that’s who we’re into. So one of the things in college that we don’t — I know I’m not the only one – is, “Hey baby, I’m into big girls.”
Kelly: Yeah. I’m Kelly Shibari I’m from http://ThePRSMGroup.com which is a social media consultancy for the adult industry and I also have http://KellyShibarixxx.com and this is Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com
Cathy: Thank you. You’re very good. You remembered. Yeah so we were talking about this over dinner how people might want to share with someone that they find them attractive which is flattering…
Kelly: Right but the last thing I want to hear as the opening line is “Hey baby, I’m into big chicks” or “Hey baby, I’m into thick women” or “I like the thickness” or “Fat is where it’s at” or any of those catch phrases because then what you’re basically telling me is you could really care less if it’s me or Cathy or some other chubby girl or some other supersized girl or some just thick girl. All you care about are curves and I’d much rather you want me for me. I know that with people, physical attraction is the first line of…
Cathy: We’re very complex beings and we have differences and we want to be — nobody wants to be wanted just for how big their wallet is, how big their dick is, or how big their curves are.
Kelly: Or what kind of car they drive. I guess there are some guys out there that buy cars specifically for that purpose but look, I didn’t put on this weight so that I can attract a guy. I don’t keep my hair long so I can attract a guy. This is just who I am. I’m a nerdy dorky chic who happens to have some curves and is Asian. I didn’t choose to be Asian so I can attract guys with yellow fever. This is just who I am so I’d much rather you come and get to know me or use opening lines like, “Hey you’re really pretty.” That’s cool. This is kind of a nice word I know you need something like that.
Cathy: It’s nice to hear if someone thinks you’re attractive.
Kelly: Yeah. If you really are somebody who’s personal preference is chubby people then make that note eventually but that being the opening line is like so objectifying and most women I know don’t really like being objectified.
Obviously I’m a porn performer so that’s my livelihood is to be objectified so that guys and girls can pleasure themselves with things I do but that’s not me 24/7 either. What’s a good opening line for you?
Cathy: Like you said if someone comes up and gets to know me, I love it if they shared that they enjoy bigger women because that kind of takes someone like okay, that’s something they’re interested in. But I don’t want it to be the whole conversation or the whole deciding factor they think that we should hook up because of…
Kelly: Right. I would like that to be a topic at some point and it becomes a really tricky touchy situation because if you don’t tell me until the third date then I kind of will go ‘is that the only reason you’ve been dating me all along?’ Because women over think everything and guys are like ‘what? What did I do wrong?’ sometimes I know guys think that no matter what they do they’re getting it wrong all the time.
Cathy: I think if you’re self-expressed and you share what’s important to you, what you like and accept that about yourself, its great if you like women with curves. It’s great if you don’t prefer women with curves. Just own what you enjoy but don’t make it the whole story when you talk to someone.
Kelly: Yeah or the first line.
Cathy: So let us know what you think. We’d love to hear your thoughts or comments, anything that you’ve experienced.
Kelly: Absolutely. If you guys have dated a lot of different sized women or if your preferences is chubbier women, what’s worked for you? What didn’t work for you? Did you go up to a girl and say something that made her go ‘wow you’re a super creep’ and just walk the other direction. Did you have something that always works is kinda like your go to because I know some of you guys are players…
Cathy: If you’re interesting about learning more about body image come to CatalystCon in March.
Kelly: Yeah we’re actually going to be doing – Cathy and I and a few other panelists are going to be doing the panel called ‘Does this panel make me look fat’ and its going to be specifically about body image, specifically about size and sexuality so if you are able to be in DC – I think its Arlington area in mid-March of 2013 please check us out. It will be at http://CatalystCon.com.
Cathy: Thanks everyone.
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