Want a fun flirting game that can start things off and warm things up?! Join sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com as he teaches Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com this flirty game. You can use it to heat up your next connection!
Reid: This is the Innuendo video.
Reid: Okay, so we just did this whole thing on speed flirting, and it was getting long, so we’re jumping into this little second piece. This is the Innuendo Game.
When I used to bartend, I played this game with the waiters and the waitresses, and the goal of the game was to make another person blush. And the way you would do it is, you would kind of like “word volley” back and forth – a word that had some sort of double entendre, or innuendo – or you would just deliver it in such a fashion that the other person was like, “Whoa!” And when you make the person blush, that’s how you score a point.
It’s not word association. It’s not prohibited, but don’t think about it as word association. So if I say, (whispers) “Pickle…” don’t go “Cucumber”. It’s not like that. But I could say “Pickle,” and you’d be like “Lubricated…” Okay?
So it doesn’t have to be word association. The goal isn’t really to get anywhere. It’s not competitive. You score points by making people blush. You create a reaction. It’s really just about being fun and playful. All right? So would you like to start?
Cathy: You go first.
Cathy: Hot tub.
Cathy: (giggles) It’s a LOT about delivery. I think you just scored a point. (laughing)
Reid: When in doubt, you’ve scored a point.
Cathy: If they turn red. (laughing)
Reid: Your turn.
Reid: Point! (laughing) Get it? That’s all! That’s the game! And it’s supposed to be kinda dirty, you know, but you could say, like, “Penguin” and have somebody blush! Because you never know what’s going on in their mind…
Cathy: …how they make an association…
Reid: …and what they do with words. Okay? So that’s the Innuendo game. It’s really just about creating fun and play, and also just understanding that, you know, with any kind of flirting, any kind of inviting people to be playful with you – especially with innuendo and sexual connotations – you might actually start getting turned on because you’re creating kind of an intimate connection and exchange with your play.
And that might feel nerve-wracking or dangerous or inappropriate. If and when you do feel like that, where you’re getting turned on and you don’t know if it’s appropriate, what I usually do is, I just tell people, “Hey, I’m actually getting a little turned on by playing this with you, is that okay that I’m getting turned on?” It’s more to check in if you should “Well, let’s not play this game any more,” rather than “is it a bad thing that you’re getting turned on”.
It’s never a bad thing, and just because you get turned on doesn’t mean it has to lead to anything, in the same way that cuddling doesn’t have to lead to sex. Flirting doesn’t have to lead to a date, or it doesn’t have to mean you’re misleading somebody.
Cathy: But it can actually be flattering. So like, you’re playing this game and the other person is getting turned on, it’s like “Wow. I’m doing a really good job with this.”
Reid: Yeah. Because that kind of… Giving people permission to play – in our culture, we’re not giving permission – can release so much “YAY!” energy, and then sometimes that energy goes to your groin – to your genitals – and you get turned on because you’re like, “Holy crap! Somebody’s finally playing with me!” And we’re adults. You can say the word “moist” or “pickle” and be like, “pi-ckle…” (laughing) It’s okay!
Cathy: I think a lot of people have conflicts. The whole point of flirting is you want to connect with someone and maybe be aroused. But our society is kind of like, “Oh, this is bad. You may not be able to control yourself.”
Reid: That comes from being teenagers.
Reid: Where our parents say, “Don’t do this. You can’t control yourself.” We were teenagers, we were jacked up on hormones, and our prefrontal cortexes are not fully formed. We have no impulse control. So that little cocktail is the perfect storm for people getting a little rambunctious.
I don’t think it’s the end of the world, but what is the end of the world is, no one told us, “Hey, by the time you’re 22 or 23, you have impulse control, knock yourselves out.” No one tells us that. So we carry all that weird shame, and we kill off play in our lives. I also think – and I said this in the first video – it’s useful to expand your idea of what flirting is to any kind of playful exchange.
Cathy: With the checkout person at the grocery store.
Reid: Yes. Where you’re inviting them to play back. And you can really drop in quickly. Just so you know, I’m flirting with you, but not like in a creepy, sexual way. It’s more like I’m throwing a Frisbee of fun at you, and catch it and throw it back. And you’ll be surprised how often people will be like, “Oh!” Because if you were really creepy, a creepy person wouldn’t say that.
Reid: And that’s my kooky advice on flirting and trying to invite more play in your life. And how cool, if you get to be that person, you’d be like “Oh my God, it’s the flirty guy from the grocery store who is so much fun!” Or “It’s http://TheIntimacyDojo.com person, Cathy, and she’s so much fun – she’s always playful whenever I see her!” Go be that person. Good luck with that.
Cathy: And Reid has some tips on speed flirting, and the link is below!
The link for Reid’s Speed Flirting Top Ten Tips is:
Follow up to video to How To Be A Better Flirt
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