Tired of Cosmo and surface changes that leave you feeling empty? Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Ashley Manta from http://www.AshleyManta.com share how NOT to do it the Cosmo way, but rather how to create true sexiness and confidence this summer.


Cathy: Hello everyone.  I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com and I’m here with Ashley Manta from http://AshleyManta.com. We’re talking about body image and three ways that you can help yourself feel more confident and sexy this summer.  Hey Ashley.

Ashley: Hey Cathy.

Cathy: You have a Cosmo magazine.

Ashley: I’m ashamed to say I do, in fact, have a Cosmo magazine.

Cathy: Can you just tell us the article that you found for us?

Ashley: Yes, I found the article 50 Ways to be Sexy This Summer.  Here’s what it tells us.  Of course you want to be a bombshell year round, but when the sun is blazing and everyone’s half naked the stakes get even higher.  These are quick tips of 20 words or less to turn yourself into a summer siren.  Let’s see the wisdom that Cosmo has to offer, shall we?

Trace the skin above your cupid bow with a highlighter to make lips look plumper.

Hair beachy waves with a deep part, surfer girl sexy

Use a clinical strength, extra-potent deodorant on sweltering days to stay dry.

Cathy: Wow.

Ashley: Wow.

Cathy: It’s all about external and how you look.  There’s nothing about self-confidence and how you feel about yourself or anything like that.

Ashley: Not at all.

Cathy: We wanted to give you three upgraded ways that we recommend for you to feel really sexy and confident this summer that will be authentic and a little more powerful than tracing highlighter above your cupid bow on your lip.

The first one we have, Ashley, is wear clothes that help you feel comfortable and sexy.

Ashley: Definitely.  If you were trying to squeeze yourself into a bikini that just doesn’t flatter you, you’re going to feel self-conscious the entire day.  Wear something that makes you feel as beautiful as you are.

Cathy: And as comfortable. If you’re constantly feeling pinched or poked or you’re afraid to take a deep breath, that doesn’t make you feel sexy.  People that want to be with authentic people are going to notice that tension and that uncomfortableness.  Honestly, I’ve often felt shame when I was wearing clothes that didn’t fit me quite right to try to appear something that I wasn’t. I felt ashamed of myself and that shows.  Shame is not sexy.  People are not turned on by shame.  Wear something that makes you feel good about yourself.  Let go of some of the should’s about this is what I must wear when I’m out on a beach in order to be sexy.  Sexy comes from inside.

Another one is to be really connected with your body as you’re out there.  One of my favorites is to … I can get in my head … I’m going to Ft. Lauderdale in two weeks with a really good friend and all the ads show these size two models all over the resort and I’m like I’m not a size two.  I want to enjoy myself, so one way I get out of my head is to really notice that my body feels really good.  So often, we’re tuned into what other people are thinking or saying or how they’re perceiving us.  Honestly, we have no idea how they’re perceiving us.  We can only guess.  The magazines make it seem like if you put that perfect liner on your mouth, somehow they’ll all miraculously go, oh, what a beautiful person, we all adore her.  That’s not how it works.

Notice the sun on your skin.  It feels wonderful to be outside in the sun in the summer.  Notice the breeze in your hair and the sand on your feet.  When you walk around enjoying life that way, that lets off a confidence and a beauty that people can’t help but want to be around.  It has nothing to do with how much makeup you wear or what strength deodorant you have on.  Obviously, you want to shower once in a while, but most people, we don’t have to smell like we walked out of a chemical factory or a perfume factory.  We get to smell like humans and we get to be human.  Just enjoying that gets you back in your body.

Ashley: Definitely.  When we sweat, our body gives off pheromones, which are sex hormones, which make you more attractive to other people.  If we suppress that, then where to the pheromones go?

Cathy: Yes.  When we’re just working on the external, like how much eyeliner to wear … I think one of the suggestions was to brush, fluff your brows, or whatever.  I guess that’s the style now.  You’re just appealing to the person’s intellectual brain.  You’re not really giving off the energy and the confidence and the pheromones that are going to attract someone at a more visceral level, like oh, I want that person.

Ashley: Right.

Cathy: The last one was around makeup.  Do you want to go with that one?  The last tip we had.

Ashley: What I would say to people as our final tip is to wear makeup when it makes you feel sexy, but don’t feel like you can’t leave the house without makeup on.  You are beautiful just the way that you are.  If makeup makes you feel sexy, that’s awesome, but don’t feel like you have to wear it because magazines show airbrushed models in makeup.

Cathy: Yes, those airbrushed models, even in makeup, they don’t look like that.  If you have any concerns about that, go on Google and type in photo shopping.  You’ll see so many examples of women not looking … even when they’re fully done up, they don’t look like what you see in magazines.  Nobody exists like that.  When we’re constantly comparing ourselves to that, it pulls any confidence or joy out of our being.  We look like we look.  We’re beautiful.  We’re amazing that we exist.  We can talk.  We can connect.  We can smile.  It doesn’t matter if you want to wear a little makeup, a lot of makeup, no makeup at all.  Give yourself the freedom to be authentic and to be yourself.  That’s what makes the difference.  That’s what is beautiful.

Ashley: Definitely.

Cathy: Do you have anything to add, Ashley?

Ashley: Feel free to comment below.  Let us know what makes you feel sexy.

Cathy: Yes, we’d love to hear.  Just go out and be a siren this summer.  Be it authentically from you.  Don’t worry about the makeup or the clothes.  You’ve already got it.  Thanks everyone.

Ashley: That’s right.  Thanks guys.

 

More articles on improving your sex skills:

Self Soothing When You’re Stressed!

How Do I Know If My Fantasies Are Okay… And How Do I Develop My Fantasies?