Do you struggle with speaking up and feeling like you don’t belong?
I know this feeling.
I am an abuse survivor, and I felt this every day of my life for decades. Each time I left my home was an act of courage, and even being home was only a relative relief. I felt awkward talking to people, and while I did well at work, it was exhausting and overwhelming. I often kept my mouth shut because I was afraid, even when I knew I should speak up.
It was hard to speak up or ask for what I wanted or needed.
The worry and self-doubt drained me of my energy and left me feeling exhausted and hopeless.
I was graced to find doorways to healing and releasing shame that seemed like miracles to me. I want to pay the generosity and insights forward.
I am committed to helping women in STEM and any human with the courage to step forward to find their voice and transform the struggle into empowerment.
At the core of the struggle is often a deep sense of shame. A shame people often get so used to (the old “fish in water” not noticing the water anymore), they’re not consciously aware of it.
That shame can prevent people from feeling empowered at work, having the energy to tackle bigger problems and passions and stops intimate fulfilling connections. It takes a lot of energy to keep that shame pushed down and hidden and it’s hard to express passionately when your heart feels sore.
We can’t talk ourselves out of shame… We have to experience ourselves differently.
The first step is knowing you’re not alone. On my blog, there are videos where I interview experts and ask the questions I was always afraid to ask. The ones I was sure people would laugh at me for not knowing. And I talk to people who aren’t afraid to be real and share their awkward and less glamorous moments. Watch what you feel drawn to!
The next step is to gain some skills and understanding about your self-judgment and maybe upgrade the techniques you use to connect with others. We learned them from our parents and teachers and they may not have had the best approaches. There are free webinars and some paid programs online on my site to help with that.
And none of this works if you don’t take it to the field… It can feel impossible to practice with the average person. I have meetups and workshops that guide attendees to being authentic and sharing their awkward moments. Nothing changes our experience of ourselves and our beliefs faster than walking with other humans who are being real. Our survival brain learns by watching others and doing things (not by reading a book or thinking about things).
It can take courage to show up at these events, and our self-talk can convince us that we don’t belong… And the price of connection and the things we want is the courage we pay walking in and showing up.
I believe courage is a muscle we can build with practice and gently increasing strength.
I believe things can get better with new skills and the application of this courage.
I believe there is no one past redemption or recovery.
I believe that when we accept that everyone is awkward and unsure sometimes, we can stop trying to be perfect and start being real.
I believe all the power, insight and charisma you seek is hidden in the shame and that you can mine your experiences and discover all you’ve been missing.
I believe you can transform your shame and create a life you can’t even dream of now.
I believe in you.