Attending A Play Party With Too Many Men, What Do You Do?
Cathy: What do you do if at a play party and there are too many single men? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from the http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/ where are they? All this single men?
Cathy: [Inaudible 00:00:13]
Reid: For some people that might be like, right on.
Reid: I’m at the right place.
Cathy: Yes. But it can be, I threw a play party a few weeks ago.
Reid: Play party is what the kids call an orgy these days. For those us who are just tuning in.
Cathy: When did it switch?
Reid: When did it switch? January 15th 1983.
Cathy: Oh okay, thank you.
Reid: I don’t know. Somebody figure that out leave it in the comments.
Cathy: Yes please. I’m sure there’s someone who knows. And there were more single men and there was kind of that feeling of and I’d like to shoot this, like talk about this from the attendee point of view
Caty: And then perhaps we’ll do one as [Inaudible 00:00:52]
Reid: I should be serious now. Serious cap.
Cathy: As an attendee, what do you do if there are too many single men at a play party? One of the things I like to do is realize that a lot of times we feel like it’s the only opportunity to ever be in a play party and it can be a really cool opportunity to make friends, to make a buddy. I think people look I’m only going to talk to the people I might want to have sex with and if they’re not interested then I’m going to blow them off versus I’m going to make some cool friends and be, it’s cool that I’m at this place where people are enjoying their bodies and I’m going to just be the really cool person like if I were you know someone that was not playing or feeling like I couldn’t find a partner offering to help or just being friendly to other people I can start connecting with people and have a really good time and not hopefully I cannot feel like, ahh I’m a failure because I didn’t have sex with someone.
Reid: So understanding what your unconscious or conscious agenda or intentions might be and choosing to just be social.
Cathy: Yeah. Be a, be a nice person and talk to people and get coz I’ve actually in some play parties I’ve gone that with no intention of being sexual with anyone, just wanting to just hang out in a cool environment like the people that are there at least pretty sex positive and you know different.
Reid: It’s like, it’s like going to a board game night but not beating yourself up if you don’t play with dungeons and dragons or something like that.
Cathy: Exactly. You it’s just that, there are cool people there.
Reid: Just enjoying people who enjoy also board games.
Reid: Yeah and just nerding out having social time with them.
Reid: Regardless of if you get to roll the dice or not.
Cathy: Yeah, and I think sometimes when I met people and made friends at another time I see them like people start seeing you over time you start becoming safer and comfortable and then it’s like well yeah, maybe we should, maybe we can try playing and so rather than going and thinking I have to be in the middle having the most awesome sex with everybody in the room it’s like whoever’s there is probably pretty cool.
Reid: And does that occur to you as lowering your expectations or just kind of not being attached to outcomes?
Cathy: Not being attached. I like the [Inaudible 00:03:15] William in San Francisco. Does William Winters does low expectations high possibility. So I like that like if you go like hey what’s and you do mildest to wildest which I really love. Like okay if I just go and hang out with some cool people and eat some cheese and crackers and watch perhaps good scenes, wow, way ahead of the average person.
Reid: Yes, if you’re at a play party. You recognize that you are already winning at the game of life if we’re measuring by six or eighth grade standards that being invited to or attending an orgy is a bucket-list events and the and that you now have the opportunity perhaps to go to several of these over the course of your lifetime so you automatically are or at least the way I look at it, I’m so far ahead of what I thought was possible in seventh grade that now I’m in abundance situations and understanding that we’re human and sometimes you don’t get what you want.
Reid: But that’s okay like that’s actually life sometimes and do we have the emotional tools to handle our own disappointment to just you know support or be friendly to other people even if you don’t want to have sex with them. You know, certainly taking care of your own needs and boundaries, you don’t have to talk to everybody.
Reid: But you can certainly be kind to folks and also don’t tolerate people being jerks.
Reid: And some people, especially people who are new to play parties can be clumsy.
Cathy: Yeah and there’s nothing wrong it’s just part of the process but just as a female identified person if I see someone who’s comfortable talking to other men, seems kind of relaxed just enjoying the energy, it’s much more attractive to me than someone who is like, I must have sex and I can’t be anywhere near male.
Reid: That’s starving.
Cathy: Yeah and I need to stay away from all men somehow.
Reid: Because I’m a dude.
Cathy: Yeah, I just find that more attractive, I just think it’s cool to have something to talk in Monday morning when they ask what you did over the weekend, you’re like, I can’t even tell them huh, it’s too cool.
Reid: You’re like…
Cathy: Not too much, or hang up with some friends.
Reid: Nope. Nope. Went and played some dungeons and dragons, a little D&D.
Reid: Leave comments. We have another video coming up on this, we’re talking about this from a.
Cathy: If you’re running a play party.
Reid: If you’re running a play party so tune in.
Cathy: You need to change your shirt for that one.
Cathy: Well it would be someone who’s an educator or someone running an event.
Reid: Maybe not.
Cathy: Oh okay.
Reid: Who knows, maybe I’ll keep on this shirt.
Cathy: Let us know what you think about him not changing his shirt.
Reid: Yeah. But I’m not talking about running play parties as a business.
Cathy: Some people do.
Reid: That too. What I can charge money?
Cathy: Come back for another video. Hopefully.