Can I Bring Someone With Me If I Get Invited At A Play Party?
Cathy: If I get invited to a play party, can I bring someone with me? Let me start again, I’m kind of stuttered. If you get invited to a play party, can you bring someone with you? This is Reid Mihalko from https://ReidAboutSex.com/.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from https://TheIntimacyDojo.com/.
Cathy: So Reid, I got invited and it’s really a cool play party. Do you want to go with me?
Reid: That’s awesome! Oh cool, if you’re allowed to bring somebody, sure!
Cathy: Oh, how do I know?
Reid: I don’t know. You’re the one to get along with all the information. I’m just learning about this.
Cathy: It’s really good to check in with the organizers because..
Reid: Yeah. If it’s a no then I’m going to feel really left out. Now, I know about this cool thing that’s happening in.
Cathy: It says, PS: Invite anyone but Reid.
Reid: It’s my fear. It’s my greatest fear.
Cathy: No. If,
Reid: Have fun! I’m sorry, I can’t come.
Cathy: It would be more awkward if I showed up with you and it wasn’t…
Reid: It would be. Would be. So, how do you find out?
Cathy: Sometimes, we will say right in the invite. But other times you just to have ask because if they say clearly bring savvy friends, meaning someone who is play party friendly. You do that sometimes, I’ve seen you say if you know people that are play parties, you’re responsible for them. If you bring them and they’re not you’re taking care of them.
Reid: Beginning, beginner level play party open to all and then this is a play party that’s open to certain kind of people. May be people who have their green belts or black belts or brown belts and play parties.
Cathy: Yes and there’s been some that I’ve been in hotels where there’s not a lot of room and it is like, please don’t bring anyone else unless you know,
Reid: Unless you check-in.
Cathy: Unless you check-in or you can bring your primary partner only. So different ones have different rules.
Cathy: It’s always good. It’s very important to check before you show up with people.
Reid: How is that not elitist?
Reid: It shouldn’t play partition. Everybody should have a right to sexual freedom and self-expression.
Cathy: They can throw their own play parties. They going to https://ReidAboutSex.com/PlayParty/ and learn how.
Reid: Wow! That was a good answer. If you would like resources on paly parties and one like attending them or even throwing them, then please go to https://ReidAboutSex.com/PlayParty/. Sign up to be on the resource list and we’ll pop out resources as we have them. So, that was a good answer!
Reid: But I don’t know that, that’s the learning moment. That what are your thoughts about throwing an events that you’re in-charged off, you’re the gate keeper for the guest who come and doesn’t get to come, is that an elitism?
Cathy: I have had heard about not being invited to regular parties and play parties. I have thrown parties that people have been upset about not being invited both regular like birthday party for Sarah, okay but you didn’t invite the third removed friends and they’re upset or we didn’t invite the cousins, oh my God!
Reid: So, what would be your advice to somebody who’s afraid of not inviting people? And then what’s your advice for people who have not been invited? Go!
Cathy: So, if you’re afraid of not inviting people. One, I tried vary the list sometimes or have different kind of parties, so different people can come and just I get to throw parties for who I want them in my home or wherever they’re going. If you’re not invited, one, you can just ask like a friend of mine get married and I was really surprised I wasn’t invited and I finally asked about it like it got over my disappointment, I’m like “Hey! I was just kind of surprised”. But she was like, “Oh my God! I thought, I totally thought I did invite you?!” It was last minute and I was like, “oh okay”. Like it was fine but other people might, “Oh? I never would have thought that was you’re gig or like sorry we just had to cut the line somewhere. My advice is go out and make your own play parties. They’re envious and [Inaudible 00:04:11].
Reid: The success is the best revenge.
Cathy: I must go, I must invite her because I’m sure..
Reid: I’ll just throw a better play party and I don’t know why I’ve got a pirate voice.
Cathy: We’ll, I mean that’s what option is.
Reid: Okay. Alright. Well, I mean I’m just going to note that in this situations whether it’s a play party or you’re throwing whatever kind of event. This one is deep for a lot of people like fifth grade, third grade, and fourth grade.
Cathy: Who belongs, who doesn’t, who’s wanted.
Reid: Yeah. And, In the sex Ed world, I don’t remember who said this but other people have said this in different ways but there’s kind of idea of if you’re not grown up enough, whatever that means to go into a store and purchase condoms, if you’re emotionally you can’t wrestle with that, then you might want to consider that you might not be ready for sex. Using this as kind of stepping point, if you can’t handle being honest and truthful with people about your guest list when somebody says, hey why I wasn’t invited and I think an appropriate answer lovingly is to be like because I didn’t invite you. Like that is the answer.
Cathy: I think a better question that is like, “hey I heard your party was amazing, I’m so glad it went well. If it’s possible I’d love to be on the invite list in the future”.
Reid: Well, again that’s black belt level. What ends up happening is people like, “how come I wasn’t invited?” and then
Cathy: And the question, why didn’t you invite me to your party?
Reid: So, from that perspective and again this is all coming from an extroverted white guy who throws lots of play parties. Your ability to be able to handle that situation with a little bit of grace and compassion might be the sign that you’re ready to throw a play party. However, if you’ve been trying to throw one have to hide it from everybody, I’m going to say that might be a little flag, time flag.
Cathy: You love to have a privacy for sure.
Reid: Yeah. That there’s some other things you may want to just check in on about yourself. So that you can honor your need to have the guest list that works for you but also be an adult for other adults hopefully and really just kind of leave people feeling seen and heard and hey you know this is my thing and I realize that you know we all feel left out in certain ways in society. I support you in throwing your own parties and honoring your own guest list and then you can send them to the resource page.
Reid: https://ReidAboutSex.com/PlayParty/ for them to get resources. But again, it’s how we navigate as adults that we’re fourth grader I got left out of the birthday party energy which you know that’s things for me still as an adult but how quickly can we do recover into it from fourth grade, we pull ourselves back into adulthood and be like how can we handle disappointment as adults and how do you support may be even strangers. Being disappointed in front of you and how do we do that with grace as human beings.
Cathy: Yes and I love the fact that they’re adults and they can probably handle it. It may just not be aware of it.
Cathy: We have a bunch of videos on this channel about disappointment dealing with it. So, if that’s something you struggle with, we hope they have help.
Reid: Yeah. Leave some comments! What do you think? These are deep topics!
Reid: How’s your fourth grader? I think they rock!