Flirting can be fun and playful…but if you’re shy, it can feel impossible! Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com share how to flirt when you’re shy!
Cathy: We’ve done a video on flirting before but I’ve noticed that …
Reid: No we didn’t.
Cathy: Yes we did.
Reid: No we didn’t. Oh I touched your boob.
Cathy: My problem is I get very shy when I’m flirting with someone I actually like, like that way.
Reid: No you don’t.
Cathy: Yes I do I can flirt like crazy with friends
Reid: She’s such a liar.
Cathy: But if there’s any romantic interest I tend to get very, very shy and withdraw. What tips do you have for that?
Reid: Awesome, I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: All right tips on flirting when you get shy. I have completely wacky advice around flirting, you can see the first video, and the thing is I believe you should just tell people exactly what’s going on for you for the most part. This is what you end up doing is like, “Oh my God, I am feeling shy. Wow, Reid that’s crazy, shy people don’t tell people they’re feeling shy.” I know, it works like gangbusters when you actually speak up when you’re feeling shy and train yourself and practice to speak up when you’re shy and be like, “I think I like you, like you. I’m shutting down now,” and then go, “Tag you’re it,” and run. If they get it they’ll chase after you.
Cathy: If they don’t maybe you don’t want to flirt with them anyway.
Reid: The idea is if you’re expecting them to keep the frisbee throwing back and forth like it’s … flirting takes two so if you start getting shy I would recommend training yourself to admit what’s going on for you and use that as a means of flirting. I can start to get really shy and start being like, “Ok just so you know, I’m really enjoying flirting with you right now and I’m starting to get really shy so you might have to work a little bit harder right now, go.”
Cathy: To flirt with you?
Reid: Ah, that was evasive, why are you invading my space? Oh now you can look in my eyes?
Reid: All of a sudden, we’re not so shy! Because we’re continuing playing and for me flirting is all about inviting people to interact with you and being playful about it so that means being silly, being dorky. You can totally do it. When it doubt always over play and exaggerate.
Reid: You can feel my flirting through the video camera can’t you? You dirty dog you. I know, I mean when you do that in context of, “Hey, would you like to flirt?” That makes sense. Me doing this at the checkout line? Oh you dirty dog you. That’s creepy.
Cathy: You charged me twice for the turnips, didn’t you?
Reid: Oh I so charged you twice for the turnips…The idea really is when you start to get shy and shut down, tell people and invite them to play. It’s going to be hard at first because you’re feeling shy but you can actually learn how to kind of take baby steps through it. I don’t have any other better advice.
Cathy: If you tell them that you’re feeling shy, when I’m shy even if I tell them I’ve feeling shy I kind of panic like I forget how to flirt. What are a couple things people could do that are flirtatious, playful that they could use after they tell them they feel shy?
Reid: I am because I’m a complete dork I do like the “tag you’re it” and then I literally like kick it. I run, it’s like I hit you with my lunch box and I run. Most of the people I hang out with because we’re totally geeks we get that. We remember what that was like. The other thing that you can do is writing notes, it’s like seventh grade. I feel shy, write the note, have somebody hand deliver the note to the other person. This stuff we did it in seventh grade because we were so freaked out about liking each other, like you can write a note to somebody. You can send a text to somebody. These things you’re allowed to do. You could send an email and be like just so you know … and it can be a totally serious email. I like you like you and I want to flirt with you and I’m getting so shy. I need some help and then you guys can jump back and forth on emails, a little less crazy making. Have a friend, have a flirting wingman or wing woman and be like I need your help. I’m totally getting like so shy and shut down around Bradford, oh my gosh Bradford or Ratcliff whatever you know. Mr. Darby oh and it’s like ah, and then have your friend be like wake up, it’s ok. You’re going to be fine, take a breath.
Cathy: You can also ask a person how they like to be flirted with because that’s a great, fun conversation. If you … I do shut down and it’s hard for me to flirt but I just say so I’m getting shy but how do you like to be flirted with?
Reid: Another way of saying that is how do you like to flirt with shy people who are quiet and may not ever talk to you?
Cathy: [inaudible 00:05:44]
Reid: See? Again, this is all about you taking initiative and speaking up so pay attention to what baby steps are easiest for you? For some of you it’s going to be texting, for some of you it’s the email, for some of you it’s getting advice from your friend and having them push you out of the nest. For some of you it’s talking to the person directly, when you figure out how it works easiest for you leverage that like no body’s business.
Cathy: Yes, let us know what you think, what tips do you have and any suggests you have.
Reid: Yes and you’re flirting with me right now. I want to touch [inaudible 00:06:33].
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