How Can I Feel Comfortable In My Own Skin?

Cathy: How do you get comfortable enough in your own skin, to start fighting for others and standing up when you see injustice? This is Jimanekia Eborn and I’m Cathy Vartuli from thanks for sharing this.

Jimanekia: Thank you for having me. Um, being comfortable is something that is never comfortable.

Cathy: Yes.

Jimanekia: It’s something you work on every day, it’s taken me at least three years to get where I am right now and that took a lot of crying, a lot of meditation, a lot of journaling, and a lot of time in my room alone listening to all of my favorite emo songs, and watching sad movies. It’s hard, it’s scary.

Cathy: But I think it’s a journey at least from my experience, like as a big woman speaking up and starting to say “hey this is not okay to treat people that way and you’re human too even if we have more fat or so whatever” for me it was a journey where I had to keep being with a discomfort, but I didn’t have to do it all over night. Was that your experience as well?

Jimanekia: I feel like with me growing up I was raised by my grandparents um and that’s already being raised in a totally different generation I remember I didn’t date a lot um just because I just didn’t feel like it so my mom would always ask me you’re not a lesbian are you? And I feel like no okay so I just don’t want to date anyone little little little forward little queer now.

Cathy: Yeah, right here too yeah.

Jimanekia: But I felt like everything I always had to keep pushed down because I was always worried that I would be questioned for it. And even within my own sexuality, um luckily we oddly I was always given like books that I could read some of the big reader which allowed me to find myself in reading and learning my body and everything and getting into college. When I was like oh I’m comfortable like having sex with people. People like “Oh your slut”. I’m like, “No I don’t, no. I mean no my safe sex checked all the time”. and I knew who I was having sex with, but other people always say it is oh you’re just a slut all right cool fast forward again. So where I’m at today a sex educator that tells people has much sex as you want but I use protection. it’s been a hard transition to finding my own comfort in my own skin, to be able to say you’re allowed to feel aroused, you’re allowed to have sexual pleasure, as a woman of color you’re allowed to do whatever you want and hold your own voice and not be yelled at saying “oh you’re just bitch are you just opinionated” I am opinionated.

Cathy: Yeah, and you’re allowed to have your opinion.

Jimanekia: Yeah Yeah, you are and you’re allowed to take control of your own body and I feel like um for me in this whole election time be very honest and vulnerable it’s been really hard for me dating. Looking back on who our future president will be in some days like 12days, I think there’s been a loud or outcry of racism and so for me, I have dated a lot of Caucasian men and for me I just feel unsafe now. Um as a woman of color I do get fetishize a lot um and I think it’s gotten more heightened, and so I’m just like “oh no I’m good” but just until I can personally find my strength and that now. Now that’s what I’m working on I just unless I already know you and I feel safe with you I’m just not wanting to be bothered. So that’s scary

Cathy: It does seem like more people or as a woman of size I have a lot of videos out there and I’ve always gotten some nasty comments, but it just seemed like a just a number of nasty comments just pure blatant like spiteful means comments have definitely got up in the last few months. And I like it does make

Jimanekia: Yeah, I think I’m good triple for me way too comfortable with this nonsense. It’s harder but it’s feasible and obtainable. If you want it bad enough you find a way to make yourself happy and comfortable in your own skin. you got to find it works meditation worked for me every day hours on top of hours, and it didn’t always work out sometimes I feel like this is stupid I can’t stop talking but it’s feasible you can find comfort in your own skin to be able to help others find comfort.

Cathy: Yeah, I mean it’s okay to do it baby steps and take breaks like you said and take care of yourself and I like to turn to have some really great community you’re part of it it’s like um you know people i can go “oh my god what just happened?” and a guy and then we can rally and say “hey this is not okay” and I think sometimes it’s the quieter voice that just quietly says no no no like or this is what happened and I’ve been trying to be a bigger voice at work to which I’ve always kept very separate my day job versus my you know any activism I do I’ve always kept it very separately and separate. And now it’s like nope if someone says even you know like no do you know that this is what the case is and I’d rather have people if I can say it kindly and you know some days are easier than others okay start educating people more because I think there’s a lot of people that..