How Can You Be A Better Kisser?
Want to be a better, more confident kisser? Fine out how with Dr. Liz Powell from http://www.SexPositivePsych.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Liz: Cathy, how can you be a better kisser?
Cathy: Great question!
Liz: This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com
Cathy: And this is Liz Powell from http://www.SexPostivePsych.com and it’s a great question for years I thought I was a bad kisser because I was kind of shy and I didn’t know how to get better at it and so I was always hesitant to make the first move or like if they kiss and I’d missed that connection so it’s a great question and part of it is getting comfortable of our body.
Liz: So for me I think about kissing the same I think about partner dancing so I‘ve done swing dancing, blues dancing, tango, salsa and when you’re dancing there’s a lead you follow. You’re listening to each other and to the music and moving to each other you’re not flanging each other. So when I’m kissing what I’m thinking about is what their lips are doing, follow that for a bit, throw my own idea, and follow that for a bit. So there’s this interplay of ideas and you’re taking those first moment to really get to know each other before diving deeper.
Cathy: What I like to get into my body be grounded and one way I do that is feel my toes coz I can get really heady, I’m a smart person I get in my brain and I always used to kiss people by focusing on how I could please them and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com is a great he talks about pleasing yourself on their lips it doesn’t mean that you’re ignoring them but you’re focusing on the pleasure that you feeling with your mouth, your tongue, your body and he does a full body kiss where it’s not just lips to lips but a whole body which is really fun but what I stopped getting in my head by trying to figure out what the other person wanted which I can’t figure out in my brain anyway. I can learn all kinds of techniques but it’s really being present at the moment when I started noticing what felt pleasurable to my own lips while being aware of them that the whole energy between it shifted it was really powerful.
Liz: Another I pay attention to is my breath when we’re kissing it’s really easy to shackle our breath and so usually I feel like as the way that I’m moving through the kissing and as you rising through your breath you really feel the kissing it’s going to change the way that your kissing with your inhale and exhale.
Cathy: Especially when you’re nervous you will hold your breath and you breathe really fast and that trigger our brain to get less present with our body.
Liz: And especially like slight little moans helps trigger the vagus nerve which helps relax your body and makes you more present to what you’re sensing.
Cathy: And it really turn on your partner, a level of vibration
Liz: Duper-hot turn on I loved it when someone moans a little bit when we’re kissing it’s so good.
Cathy: And it also tells me that they’re responsive and they’re enjoying it and another thing I thought I had to guess what they wanted like if they want deep kissing, how soon should put my tongue on their mouth or whatever. And I get really confused up here coz some people like really soft kisses, some people deep I have learned to ask and let it be part of the game and it actually let the kissing prolong like were making out in a fun way like can I see like, this or like this, how about this? And it’s really like some kind of a turn on do more of that or not that too close. It was really fun.
Liz: Tongues super important topic so as someone who makes out with and have sex with people of wide variety of genders I have noticed that people who are assigned male at birth and specially cisman tend to use ton of tongue and there’s a Scientific theory that evolutionary sites who knows that men use more tongue in kissing because there’s testosterone in their saliva and that helps turn assigned female at birth folks on more. What I will say about tongue is as same way that were doing this gender interplay and not like jumping into things tongues are like conversation too. I’m not going to walk to someone for my first conversation and tell them my entire life story and so I’m not going to put my entire tongue in your mouth as soon as we start kissing.
Cathy: I’ve been so many dates for like were kissing at night and their tongue immediately shoves past my lips and it’s like folding my mouth.
Liz: When in doubt less tongue. When in doubt less tongue.
Cathy: And don’t go too soon.
Liz: And do playful tongue don’t start with the deep tongue start like a little lick on the lip.
Cathy: You’re not checking tonsils the first minute.
Liz: No, and like again, follow each other, have this as a conversation, have it as interplay. This isn’t I kiss this way we will kiss this way.
Cathy: It’s a dance like you said.
Liz: It’s a dance.
Cathy: And if they have, if your partner has their lips closed tight, closed together good sign that they probably don’t want tongue right now wait till they relax and get turned on enough so that their mouth kind of opens up and you can even ask.
Liz: This bring up another, tightness of lips a lot of people when they see fake kissing it’s like so they think that lips should super tight for kissing I actually think about using my lips almost the way I would massage someone’s arm right? There’s varying intensity and depths and it’s not like a single point that sucks that hurts. Whereas when I’m using varying depths I can go to same depth in a way that feels much more pleasing and has a lot of variety as well.
Cathy: Yeah. And I think part of that is pleasing yourself it’s not like what feels good to you too you get to be turned on because mutual turn on is really hot. So we hope this helps.
Liz: Yeah! If you have more questions about in kissing let us know. Super-hot topic I love kissing.
Cathy: Yeah And when you’re with someone who’s exploring having fun it such a bless and a great intimacy builder because I kind of figure how someone kisses me is how probably going to touch my body.
Liz: Exactly it tells you so much and there are people rush through full tongue those are often the people who like rush to shove something inside of you. Not good for anyone.
Cathy: Slow it down and enjoy the process.
Liz: Slow it down. Take some time. Enjoy the sights.
