How do people in their 50’s on up meet amazing partners?
With Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: “What advice can you give someone to a senior person wanting to meet a partner that enjoy life with?”
Reid: Okay. This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: And Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: Aha! We have been seniors, it was like in high school or college. So we are not technically seniors nor do we play seniors on television. However, as relationship geeks and people who talk to lots and lots of people and coach lots of people around relationship dynamics, I have thoughts.
Cathy: What are your thoughts?
Reid: Do you want to go first?
Cathy: I recommend getting out there, because I know that there is a different group of people in and seniors in the senior area. At 40 I wasn’t dating a lot because I wasn’t getting out there. And just getting out my profile out there and I did have to pick through some people. Reid helped me a lot with that finding the questions that I wanted to ask. Asking the questions that help me identify people or passion about the things I was passion about and just mead outside my house and doing a lot of things on letting people know I was available, help me find a lot of dates.
So if you’re not out there with the profile preferably, I think that really is a good way to reach people. Letting people know you want someone who’s very vital and active in life, if that’s what you’re looking for, because I want to out with people that were in there 50’s and 60’s and some of there were like, “Wow, I can keep up with you.” and others I was like, “Wow, let me get you a rocking chair.” So you get to decide what you want to create. There are people out there and the more you share yourself and ask for what you want, the more likely you are to find people.
Reid: I’m going to first start off by saying, “We’ve never had a world filled with this many people.” Now, we’ve never had a world filled with this many people who were above the certain age so the senior population, the baby bloomers… there’s a group of people who are single now in a way that’s really never happen before in history. Gender dynamics and the reasons we stay in relationships versus get out of relationship like… those things have shifted.
Reid: Part of what’s happening in the dating world for “seniors”, for people in their golden years, the platinum phase of their life. How you’ve want to look at it? There’s a good chance that the old advice… the old advice doesn’t work for people younger. It is not probably working for anyone right now because relationships changing.
Cathy: We never had internet before, we didn’t have access to a million people at a time.
Reid: Sure. The reasons why you would want a relationship versus a group of friends. The reasons you’d want to stay in a relationship versus hangout with a group of friends. The reasons why you would want to stay in a mediocre or bad relationship or even start one that was mediocre versus hangout with a bunch of friends. You see a theme here. What I’m going to ask people to think about on top of Cathy’s advice. If you’re looking for a relationship, expand your “idea of relationship”, not just romantic relationships but get your needs met as a human being socially from a collective of people. Live the life doing the things that you’ve always dreamt of or the things that were left on your bucket list and as somebody who’s adventuring in doing those things that are important and thrill you. The people that you meet, you will kind of be more thrilling to them because you’re doing the things that make you happy. And that will usually make you introverts and shy people to little bit different, people on the spectrum, everyone is different.
For the most part, you’ll be living your life so you will have a certain vibrancy, you may need to get therapy or work with somebody on issues and scarcity and fears as they come up. Even for me, I’m coming my 40’s now, my late 40’s, I could imagine 20 years, 30 years from now I will have thoughts of like I met the… I’m coming in for a landing kind of a thing. So that’s going to change how I look at the world, I can’t speak for you but living the life that you want will put you usually in the spheres of people who were enjoying the same things you’re enjoying and as you put yourself out there, you will then be living a life that you love even though your single surrounded by ideally community and friends who love you and love the things that you do and in that mix, the people who come in and out of your life or the people that you’ve meet online, those are the people that you are auditioning for potential relationships that are romantic.
Reid: It’s crazy, it’s weird advice because we haven’t had to give advice like this before around relationships but I think of that approach, I think will actually add more to your years. No matter how many more you have left. Then waiting and trying to be somebody you’re not to find somebody who will like you so that you can live the rest of your life.
Cathy: Yeah. And Reid talks about setting your intentions for having a relationship, I think that really can help you narrow down the field quickly. So if you know why you want to be in a relationship from what you want to create out of your relationship, you can say, “Oh, that person’s really nice but they’re not going to be a good fit for me.” And it can save a lot of wasted time and frustration.
Reid: Leave us your comments, let us know your thoughts. For the person who wrote in, thank you so much for writing that in. We hope that this information was useful for you.
Cathy: Yeah. Thanks.
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