How Do You Get Invited To A Play Party?

Cathy: So how do you get invited to a play party? This is Reid Mihalko from

Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from

Cathy: Yeah. And Reid so if you wonder about play party you’re like you know, wanting to go check it out, how do you get invited?

Reid: Know somebody who’s doing one, I guess.

Cathy: Yes.

Reid: What were you?

Cathy: Well, what I would like my friends that might know things of that, my more outgoing friends like my adventurous friends, I would let them know.

Reid: Let them know what?

Cathy: That I was interested in a play party and ask them if they could introduce me to someone or ask me invite me some to go with him if that was a yes for them.

Reid: What if you had no adventurous? People will just stumbled across something on YouTube. And then all of a sudden you’re like “Huh?! Play parties?! Orgies. I want in.” Then what would you do?

Cathy: Well, it depends on where you are. If you’re in San Francisco area, there are public play parties there that people can go to.

Reid: How do you find it?
Cathy: Partly, it’s being out there looking but felt life has a lot of things. Meet up has some they don’t know that they always talk about play parties, but they have more adventurous types of groups that may lead you to meeting people that have play parties or go to play parties. And then just ask in general, I think it really helps too if you have consent under control like you can show ask for things and be okay if people say no. I think that helps when people like going to play parties and learning how to use your yes or no and on non-sexual place.

Reid: Would make you better for play parties’ situation.

Cathy: Yeah. Help people safer inviting you. And one thing I love to do is offer the help because I’m shire, if I’m helping someone like you know could I, I hear you’re throwing play party, I don’t know if it’s open or not but if you ever wanted some help I’d love to help you.

Reid: Volunteering.

Cathy: Yeah. Like check the door, coat check, making sure there’s food out loop fair, cleaning up afterwards.

Reid: What’s loop fair?

Cathy: A loop fair is somebody goes around and provides food to those in need at their request.

Reid: Kind of being “coat-check girl”, “coat check person” for play party but you take lube to people.

Cathy: Yes. There’s like some “condom!”

Reid: Did you like, “got it!”

Cathy: Yeah. It sometimes called a loop fair. If you’re like to run things, like when someone needs a glass of water in the middle of the scene. That’s a way to get to know people a little bit and I like to feel useful, it helps me feel part of. So how would you, what else would you recommend for people?

Reid: Well, I mean not for nothing the reason we’re talking about this, I’ve run play parties and teach people. Oven, the oven is now pre-heated if you were wondering what that was. Yeah! I like throwing play parties, I like helping people figure out how to throw play parties to the extent that you could go to and then sign up to be on a resource list. But I think the big thing around trying to get invited to one is understanding that they’re out there and people who throw play parties have also and better sexual communities have had that experiences with people you knew people coming in or even people who’ve been part of communities for a while. So your consent note on like get better get become impeccable if you can and savvy get your black belt and how do you navigate consent, how do you understand the nuances of an alternative community that you might not have had any prepping for because you know “normal society” doesn’t necessarily prep people for good skills around how to navigate intimate spaces or you know play party spaces and understanding how to figure out what the actual protocols are and from community to community because they’re almost like a “little” subcultures. You know what is appropriate in America may be very different in Egypt or Japan and

Cathy: Or that play party may have very different from the other.

Reid: Swinger play parties might be different than a BDSM play party that’s queer might be different than one that’s straight or leather BDSM might be different than whatever pansexual raffle fare play party. But knowing that there are differences in being able to check in and ask that you’re somebody who knows to ask about those things like what are your customs in the strange culture that I have now entered. Those are part of those things that have organizers feel like, oh okay so you might be a “beginner” but you’re very savvy beginner.

Cathy: Right.

Reid: Which is very different than you know people who are who think they know everything.

Cathy: I also encourage that if you have not been to a play party, don’t expect to be able to walk in the room and suddenly have sex with everybody in there.

Reid: What???

Cathy: Does not happen the way often. There are some parties that might happen but most of them are not. So, I encourage you to get some of your needs met beforehand like you wouldn’t go to a very fancy formal dinner or you want to impress the people there if you were starving and going to grab all of those who need it. Masturbate before gets them touched needs met show up with the intention of just get to know people and experience the culture. May be not play the first couple of times.

Reid: Which is actually good advice for people who organized and throw play parties if you go to other people play parties, you shouldn’t go with the expectation that you’re going to get laid because begins mine my friend.

Cathy: I love your play parties, you have always emphasize the foyer and most participation and I think that is really useful to just watch and observe and get to know people have a good conversation and then start the feeling, the feeling into the culture before you feel like, I think if people want you to put a lot of pressure on themselves I feel like they have to have sex with the people that it comes off its kind of treat because there’s agenda like “hey! What are you doing down? Like common here, I have to check off the boxes versus you seem like a nice person let’s see if there’s any energy between us.

Reid: Interesting stuff. Seems like there’s a lot to joggle and navigate. May be you could use some resources.

Cathy: Go to the resource page, if you’re in an area that doesn’t have any play parties you may have to be the one creating them.

Reid: If somebody was only throwing a course on how to throw play parties that would be useful. Go to and we’ll get you resources as they are available.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: Hope that this was helpful. Leave some comments. What’s your advice about finding a play party or do you know of communities or events that you can post on the comments to direct people to more resources because after all, group sex is a community effort.