How Do You Respond To Your Child If They Asked You What An Orgasm Is?

Cathy: How do you talk to your child if they ask you if they’ve ever had an orgasm or what’s….what an orgasm is?
I’m here with JD aka Jen Devine from and I’m Cathy Vartuli from and that’s a great question. I mean once you’ve had an orgasm you kind of know what one is and you….you know that you’ve had one but before you’ve had one you don’t necessarily know.

Jen: Yeah. I mean I always like to describe it for kids and when I take kids I’m usually working like 9 10 11 12 year old. It’s like puberty, pre-puberty type of kids but you could even describe it to a little kid. It’s like it’s a super-duper…..duper nice feeling that rushes through the body and it usually starts in the genitals but sometimes people have it at other places too. So it’s a super…..super-duper nice feeling.

Cathy: And it

Jen: Yeah.

Cathy: doesn’t always feel the same sometimes it’s really intense

Jen: Yeah.

Cathy: sometimes it’s quieter.

Jen: Yeah. I mean we know people can have orgasm in utero probably because we’ve seen erections in uterus as we’ve seen the muscles contracting on ultrasound. So we know it’s like a thing that people can do even when they’re very little too and we see you know little kids masturbating when they’re not even really conscious that their touching their genitals because they… causes pleasure. So, yeah. Orgasm you know when I get too older kids and describe like what is it? I say you know it’s a…’s a series of muscles contracting and a release of chemicals in the brain that causes pleasure to happen

Cathy: Yeah.

Jen: in the body and the neat thing is if you…if done some studies refute if you list….if you interview people there are lots of different genders and they describe their orgasms and then you remove all the….the words that would let you know what kind of body they have like what gender they

Cathy: Yeah.

Jen: have?

Cathy: Penis-vagina

Jen: Penis-vagina ejaculations or whatever like semen name words that might relate to anatomy, the descriptions of orgasm are very…..very similar.

Cathy: Oh, that’s interesting.

Jen: They actually run in…’s very difficult to tell the difference between gender and how they describe the feelings of it.

Cathy: That’s amazing.

Jen: So physiologically, it’s probably really similar for people in bodies. Yeah, so for kids it’s like a really cool feeling you get to have it with yourself and sometimes with other people.

Cathy: And what if what if a child’s worried or upset because they haven’t or maybe they’re…they’re afraid and broken because I can’t have one.

Jen: People get to figure out how their own body works. I always encourage people to not be goal-oriented about that

Cathy: Yeah.

Jen: and just to see what feels nice and that’s also true with partners later in life if people have partners to not necessarily be moving toward a particular goal but moving from one pleasurable experience to another and sometimes a very surprising and wonderful height of feeling can happen and it might or might not be an orgasm. It might also just be an emotional experience or some other physical pleasure that happens in the body.
For adults, I know a lot of women talk about having challenges with having orgasms and that’s not uncommon and that is perfectly normal and but knowing that a lot of times there’s also something going on with the brain and how we think about things

Cathy: It’s shame or fear

Jen: it can slow us down

Cathy: Yeah.

Jen: in our own bodies self-response because of… you said it’s shame or fear.

Cathy: Or if I feel like I have to make

Jen: Expectations

Cathy: my partner feel good or whatever.

Jen: Exactly.

Cathy: Yeah.

Jen: So, experimenting with one’s own self to know how the body works and also some people just don’t have orgasms and knowing that that’s also totally normal and they can still have pleasure and sensation that feels good to them. So…

Cathy: Yeah.

Jen: Yeah.

Cathy: That’s great. Thank you. If you have thoughts or comments please leave them below. I’d… I love that you’re talking about this and I love that if you’re here watching this, it’s normalizing it and you’ll have language to speak to your kids and to each other maybe about this because sex is an amazing thing our bodies are amazing and the more we can normalize how people respond and react the safer we all feel being who we are so.

Jen: Yeah and we all want like we’ve spent a lot of time talking about kids and I mean I always hope that we want our kids to grow up to be healthy sexual adults

Cathy: Yeah.

Jen: and that starts with healthy sexual adults around them giving them good information. Yeah

Cathy: Yeah. Thank you!