How to ask permission to join in a cuddle party or orgy?

How to ask permission to join in a cuddle party or orgy?

How to ask permission to join in a cuddle party or orgy?

Cathy: We did a video on intimacy and ease of talking to people, everyone in a pile at a cuddle party or play party getting consent for joining in and someone wrote back and said, I realize, what a great idea, I really appreciate you guys doing a video and I’m not really been participating, I realize now thinking on it that, I’m really unprepared to have that kind of experience if I’m not comfortable speaking to everyone there, like I’d want to become, I’d like to have some dialogues or ways could you give me more examples to ask at a cuddle party or play party everyone in the pile, they’re feeling really awkward about how do I do that? So I love the question.

 

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/

 

Cathy: Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/

 

Reid: We love it when you leave comments, or DM us on youtube or email us directly with your questions. Keep ‘em coming so we never run out of things to talk about, that being said, rhink about joining groups and asking permission kind of like when you are at a cocktail party or an office, like a Christmas party or something that’s happening in a bar or even like at a wedding or something where you want to join a table, you kind of you know, in certain situations it’s okay to just sit down and join but if you don’t know everybody or if you know one person, it’s kind of polite and socially acceptable or at least in America, to be like hey may I join you all? In a social setting at a table we tend to do that as a means of like asking permission to kind of slip into the conversation and you don’t like, you’re not like the flight attendant in the exit isle that’s like, I need a verbal yes from each one of you. We don’t do that with cocktail parties and things like that

 

Cathy: But with piles of people

 

Reid: But at workshops like a cuddle party, or at you know, intentionally conscious or trying to be as conscious as they can play party events like you want to join a cuddle puddle at an orgy or a full blown thing that’s happening at an orgy or even like an ecstatic dance or something like that when you want to join a pile of people snuggling at a corner, I think as a cisgender man, as a big guy, who can be looming over a pile of people doing things, I want to just say, I’d love to join you all, may I? And I would love to get a yes from everybody so that I could check in.

 

Cathy: I like that because you are telling them that you are wanting that yes so that you feel good about it and you are not trying to be obnoxious, like that feels good to me. I’d like to get a verbal yes from everyone so I…

 

Reid: So I feel welcome or so that I I have a check in, while this might feel, this might be weird at a wedding, right? You can try it, I certainly like to kind of like make eye contact with everybody at the table…

 

Cathy: But if someone has their head under the table because they dropped the fork or the napkin and everyone is like yeah.

 

Reid: Who are you? Same thing if somebody has their head you know, under somebody’s thigh doing things and they’re like, who are you, when did you join the orgy? Being that awkward dork who keeps checking in and asking permission and getting people giving people the opportunity to use their voice. I’m assessing if everybody in this orgy has their words and can consent because I’ve done the math and I know what kind of problems can happen if I play with people or even cuddle with people who don’t have their words and all of a sudden they’re while my intentions are great, they’re upset, they don’t feel like I I was being conscious about their boundaries and then you know share with a friend the process how I violated them which you know that’s the kind of rude, at an orgy, that’s the kind of rude you don’t want to be. And you know it’s different if you joined a conversation at a wedding table or something and somebody thought that was rude that you just sat right down, which is why you ask, may I join you? So again like, you know, the wedding example, I was just trying to anchor it in real life coz not everybody has been to an orgy or cuddle party but getting that verbal permission from everybody makes you that, I think classy person, woman or man or however you identify, it’s not about gender. If somebody is like, God that Reid is weird like he always asks. If somebody is complaining about that, I guarantee you whoever they are complaining to is like, really he always asks, I should hang out with him coz you my friend complain a lot and weird, you become the safer person.

Cathy: Well I think when we start asking and looking for consent it seems like a lot but it’s because in our society in general we don’t ask, we don’t use words, so one of the things that come apart is cuddle parties is, if you feel like you’re asking a lot more than normal you’re doing it exactly right.

 

Reid: Another tip that can be useful because some people work well when they have scripts, you can say I’m horrible at reading body language, I love people that use their words, may I join you and can I just get a quick yes for everybody or no, I love getting no as well, like you know you can figure out something that works for you that is then your phrase or your question and whatever makes you feel good and really what you are letting people know is, you know it can be like, I’m good at reading body language but I much prefer people to have their voices and to use their words, I would love to join you, is everybody a yes? Like when you find the phrase that really works for you then it becomes so much easier.

 

Cathy: You can also if you if I know in the middle of pile of people cuddling or having sex sometimes if we can’t use our words, we can’t see body language, someone might be under somebody and uncomfortable..

 

Reid: Or behind you.

Cathy: Yes, so saying I only really only want to make sure that I am with people that can use their words so I really want to hear that now so we can relax and have fun, that’s another way you might do it.

 

Reid: So again, food for thought, we’re not saying it’s the way but consider it.

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: It seems to be working well with a lot of people.

 

Cathy: Yeah, it’s a little awkward sometimes but really worth it.

 

Reid: Leave some comments. Hit subscribe! Why not?

By |2017-08-28T21:51:32+00:00May 15, 2018|Dating, Flirting, Relationship Skills, Sex Geeks|