How To Avoid Premature Connection by Having Multiple Partners
How to find play partners so you can have multiple lovers and avoid connecting too deeply too soon?
Cathy: Someone wrote in and said “Hi Reid! I’m working my way through the why are people into that podcast and came across your episode. You suggested getting multiple partners to avoid developing premature feelings to anyone and said something along the lines of, if you don’t know how to do that contact me. So here I am *inaudible* to this area and I am an SP introvert who paid a sex worker at 25 because I was sick of being a virgin. I’ve done better in the last 25 years partly because of what I learned and partly because of the internet but I am still hampered by the inability to stand any loud environment any more than a few minutes, any suggestions?”
Reid: This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/
Cahy: And Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/
Reid: So I said that on a podcast and somebody actually wrote in. Good job! Way to listen people!
Cathy: Love it! Love it! He even dressed up to answer this question.
Reid: I did. I did. This was so important I brought my tux. It’s just a coincidence that the airline I flew this morning lost all my other clothes and all I have is my tux in my suit bag, but please this is all about answering this question with a little class. We just shoot a video a little bit ago about where do you find kinky sex geek people and so check out that video because that has a lot of same advice where you’re looking for..
Cathy: Even if you’re not looking for kinky.
Reid: Yeah. You’re looking for watering holes where these people hangout and one of those watering holes could be the meetup where they people have the poly munches or the kinky munches or the sex geek munches basically places where people being, looking for play partners wouldn’t be taboo. Okay? You still have to be polite about it and not creepy but where are there are going to be people who are interested in having multiple lovers or group sex or things like that so that you could find a handful of people to be able to play with, whether all together or individually to to follow a bit of advice that I had in the podcast which is also what I call my Slut Protocols or my Casual Sex Protocols which you can get a download at http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/protocols, those protocols are just some advice on how to manage imprinting and falling in love, having several lovers seems to help in in group sex, definitely seems to help, Facebook groups on poly, Facebook groups on you know exploring non-monogamy and group dynamics maybe even kink and I would say post and share because you had trouble with loud environments and a lot of stimulations, so say “Hey, I’m an introvert, so I want to post here cause sometimes I want to come to the munch but I can’t stay real long, you know, Hi everyone, when you meet me, meet me quick cause I might have to leave and ask the organizers for those group meetings, if you can have shy bracelets, introvert bracelets or buttons or something so people know who the shy folks are so they can come up to you and break the ice which will often help make it easier and less strenuous.
Cathy: And I would, cause I organize events too is if someone said “Hey listen, I can’t, loud noises bother me. If you’re interested here’s the list of restaurants where we could probably meet that are quieter or you know, some some help finding venues or whatever or you can even organize your own, rustic, “Hey can I organize this? Can you promote it if I did for this group? Where were specifically going to have a quieter space or even your like, I’m open to having it in my house but the intentions is to have it to be quieter and not raise voices or loud clapping or whatever. That might be really helpful because I know, I’ve had people write me before and like, you should do this thing and I’m like, I don’t know, like I don’t have the the perspective to give it necessarily the right evaluation.
Reid: Yeah. The other thing, and this is going to sound weird but trust me on this because I have community that knows me in DC. Do your research, go on fetlife, see who’s having meetups and group meetups for non-monogamy things, check out meetup.com, check out certain Facebook groups, there might be a DC poly group which I think there is one, see if you can join it and then tell people that you would like to hold a discussion or just show up in one of those meetings with one of those Slut Protocols printed out, so if you go to http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/protocols, you can download it and be like, cause a lot it, it might seem really weird but just be like, Reid Mihalko said, I should come to a meeting like this and ask who should want to have a conversation about the protocols.
Cathy: Ask the organizer first. Don’t just show up and hijack the meeting.
Reid: Yeah but like, be like, “Hey, you know this is something I’m interested in, you know, and I’m interested in in exploring these protocols. Is anybody interested in just having a conversation cause if you’re not just trying to find lovers but you are interested in the concepts, a lot of people might join you in this conversations and then you never know who has friends, who’s like, oh my goodness, so you’re like, you’re looking for like group sex partners, I, well, one of my friends is you know, is a slut and loves group sex and you guys might hit it off. Can I introduce you? No guarantees, but it’s a way to take action and have agency which well even for extroverts, if we don’t know what to do sometimes we just don’t do anything. So these are some basic concepts. DC has some wonderful community there. You might also want to follow Monique Darling on Facebook, she’s a friend of mine in Facebook but she teaches in DC regularly.
Reid: And run several events which would be, good events for you to to meet other people to explore these things.
Cathy: Yeah, that’s great. And again you can always start having your own events or organization too. I imagine you’re not the only person that needs quieter space to meet.
Reid: Yeah and there’s, this isn’t just for DC, lots of different places all over the country and probably in other countries, it’s a a these techniques might apply.
Cathy: Yeah. Thanks so much for asking.
Reid: Yeah, great! Leave some comments. What would you do if you were in that situation? And thanks for writing in!