How To Know If You’re Moving Too Fast In a Relationship?
Cathy: How do you know if you’re moving ahead in good speed or pushing yourself a little too fast? This is Reid Mihalko for http://reidaboutsex.com/ hey
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from https://theintimacydojo.com/ and what?
Cathy: So we’re just we just
Reid: Too fast in what? Tell me!
Cathy: Sorry guys. He had too much caffeine this morning.
Reid: I’m in love with over [Inaudible 00:00:21]
Cathy: And we can’t eat the cinnamon rolls yet because they’re hot
Reid: It’s just came out in the oven.
Cathy: So we haven’t [Inaudible 00:00:25] some carb down little bit
Reid: Why am I always bring?
Cathy: I’m not really sure.
Reid: Okay. Go back to your question
Cathy: So, we just answered a video about a question about someone what… he’s getting rejection as he was going out there and dating and you were talking to the end like to kind of pace yourself and one of the things I thought it was like it’s like if you’re going to the gym to work out, you don’t you want to turn out you want to challenge yourself enough that the muscles are working but you don’t want to like break them down of it like you don’t want to be so intense that you’re actually breaking them all down all the time. So you want to
Reid: There’s different thoughts on that around exercise
Reid: So, there…there might be an exercise
Reid: persons like that’s actually not true.
Reid: You want to…. in exercise, I’m not an exercise trainer nor do I play on…on television or on YouTube, you want to destroy the muscle fiber but give it enough time to
Cathy: To recover
Reid: To recuperate
Reid: It’s not about just work out half as hard. It’s worked out till failure then give enough time for recovery. Now where does…where this is where that might be incorrect for emotions? Is you…you want to take baby steps
Reid: Which I think is minimum effective dosage which is a concept of how much change or growth can your body handle or your psyche handle without doing setting you back?
Reid: So, like
Cathy: You’re re-traumatizing yourself
Cathy: Or like leaving yourself in a worse state
Reid: The analogy is a… Tim Ferriss talks about this in the 4-hour body about the sunburn effect of 20 minutes in the sun, three days in a row
Reid: Is…is good if you’re trying to get a tan. What you don’t want to do is, well 20 minutes a day for three days like I’ll just do 60 minutes
Cathy: Why not
Reid: in one day and I’m there
Reid: And what you end up doing is you end up doing damage and so it pushes you back further. Around muscle growth this is… there’s a different situation
Cathy: I often use the analogy like you don’t need to go out and if you have never…never worked out in…in years, you don’t have to run out and lift a 100 pound weights.
Cathy: So if you haven’t been dating in a long time you don’t have to go up to someone you’ve had a crush on for a lifetime and ask them out. You can ask…practice with people that you feel a little safer with, start just talking to people don’t even have to date right away like build up the muscles and the ability to communicate and connect. Just like you wouldn’t go to the gym and all of a sudden lift a 100-pound weight and also like if you’re starting to feel fatigued from the emotionally… fatigue from say you’re practicing, you’ve gotten some rejection, if you need to give yourself a break like listen to your body and your emotions and like “hey, I’m feeling fatigued by this. I’m starting to feel down on myself. What can I do self-care wise? Can I give myself a break for a day or two?”
Cathy: I don’t want to… like leave
Reid: Yeah. I would just approach it think…think of things like dating since we’re…we’re answering this great question and thank you for writing questions in
Reid: If you want to leave questions in the comments, awesome. If you want to email us you can email me at email@example.com.
Reid: Cathy with the C. So, the idea of self-care because if you’re growing, taking things in….in baby steps and giving yourself enough time to check in and be like am I taking care of myself? For somebody diving in and lifting a hundred pounds of dating is…is what’s good for them.
Reid: For somebody else you’re going to like maybe you’re just doing those little hand weights of dating
Reid: And then taking two days off. Again, like this is for so many people we don’t know what our bodies and our psyches need
Cathy: And sometimes we get it wrong and we go to the gym then work out too hard and we spend two days kind of walking around like an old person…you can’t like…like all our muscles are…we’re like I can’t. Can someone get that off the floor
Cathy: for me?
Reid: I can’t. It hurts when I sit on the toilet
Reid: kind of stuff. And again
Cathy: It’s okay
Reid: This too shall pass for those of us who…who…who used to work out a lot. You know that that soreness is….there’s the good kind of sore and then there’s the bad like tore something kind of sore.
Reid: So, again like learn what’s…what’s a good fit for you and do things in increments so that you can build up your…your muscles, your courage, your ability to take action and not hurt yourself not…not sprain pull a hamstring
Reid: so to speak
Cathy: Yeah. So we’d love to know how…what you think. How do you know when to push yourself or when to pull back and do you sometimes mess it up and beat yourself up? Is it okay like you kind of “Oh, I really didn’t work out as hard as I could have” or “I…I push myself way too hard.” Can you forgive yourself and move on?
Reid: Now there’s this whole thing of like you know do you need to hire a dating trainer or somebody help you with your
Cathy: Oh that’s a good
Reid: with your posture….with your posture
Reid: As you do that dating…dating squat. Oh, that’s weird. Okay, let’s a….leave a comment bye!
Huh! Three more reps. Huh! Huh!
Cathy: I couldn’t stop the video.