How Can I Successfully Apply Reid’s Difficult Conversation Formula?
Cathy: What do you do if you have Reid’s difficult conversation formula? You fill it all out, you love it and when it comes to the moment of actually using it you feel freeze. This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReiAboutSex.com this is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com
Reid: Just wear your tux and don’t say anything.
Cathy: Well I don’t think that’s actually makes the communication good.
Reid: But I looked good.
Cathy: You do.
Reid: Airline lost my luggage that’s why I’m a wearing a tux today coz I actually have my tux with me but we’re tuxing this out today. Go, what’s you answer?
Cathy: I think first of all include that in your difficult conversation like put that in I’m afraid that I’ll freeze up.
Reid: Oh that’s good.
Cathy: And you can even like write down a note like I have something I’d like to talk about you and I’m afraid I’ll freeze up. Can you be patient with me and hand it to them.
Reid: That would work, that’s good I like that. That was a better answer than I can give. So difficult conversation formula go to http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/convo and that will be bring in to your article that I’ll explain it a little more depth and you can sign up and we can send you the PDF, so you can print it out which is a work sheet.
Cathy: You can print out the PDF. It’s really really helpful.
Reid: So yeah, I mean that’s a great answer whenever you’re afraid you’re going to freeze up that’s one of the things you should tell the other person whenever you’re afraid of being so nervous tell them and when you use a difficult conversation formula the way it’s design is that you let people know what you’re afraid of, you let people know what you like to have happen and then you reveal the thing you need to reveal and before I ask you if this is a good time for you to tell them something. So when you got that handled what it does get to the other person to more empathetic not empathic empathetic listening space and you’re not just blurting the things out.
Cathy: Yeah It gives them context, it’s really powerful like for it calms their primitive brain let’s some hear what you’re saying in a different way. Another thing if you have trouble verbally expressing things you could write it all out and hand it and say hey would you be willing to read something while I sit here with you? Because I tend to freeze up when I tried to talk about it.
Reid: There’s something I’m really nervous about telling you so I wrote it down, I know that sounds dorky but do you have time to read it coz I don’t think I can actually tell you yet. Most people will be like understand that, most people will think that they’re in trouble because no one in the history of the world has ever been called down to the principal’s office and thought like oh boy I’m only getting appreciated from the principal. So whenever somebody says I needed to tell you something we’re all like it’s bad the end is near.
Cathy: Can we talk?
Reid: So know that that most people do that. Other people have used the difficult conversation formulas and to use it in emails so if you’re so nervous that you can’t give somebody something, you can send an email, there’s a lot of different ways to use it.
Cathy: If it’s a big thing and you’re freezing up repeatedly I would encourage you start with small things and practice. I practice it with a friend before and I’m like I want to practice today were just going to hang out for couple of hours and constantly bring up things were afraid that are small so that my brain can realize not everyone is going to melt down and leave me forever.
Reid: You can use the difficult conversation formula and then practice that conversation with a friend. One just being your friend and your just telling them what you need to tell so and so and you can have them stand and pretend that they’re so and so you can read the conversation to yourself in a mirror and practice getting the words out and taking those baby steps too. It sounds really silly but exercising those muscles of having difficult conversations and practicing using your words is so powerful especially if you’re somebody that freezes up and overtime you will just get better at being able to say those things that you need to say even if every time you need to practice in the mirror or with a friend and saying those things that you could never say overtime as you get better and better and say more of those things I believe for the most part it can only improve your life.
Cathy: It makes such a difference. And I actually if it’s really hard for you to talk to a human practice with your pet or small child that doesn’t understand words yet like I would go to my cat and literally I have this conversation when I was practicing I’m like Molly I would like to talk to you, is this a good time? Okay you don’t mind if we talk while you’re lick yourself, okay. So what I’m afraid of is that you’re going to run away and leave me or PM issues what would I like to happened is that you really respect my clothing and the thing I want to say is I notice you left fur all over my pants.
Reid: You have that exact conversation with me. You told me I was the only one that I you ever had that conversation with. What do you think about this is advice today? Hit subscribe, share this video. Leave some comments.