I Want To Go To a Play Party But My Partner Doesn’t, What Should I Do?
This is Dan Powers from http://www.beyondthebedroom.com/
Dan: This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/
Dan: Do you want to go to a play party but your partner doesn’t can you handle that?
This is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/
Cathy: Dan Powers from http://www.beyondthebedroom.com/that’s a great question. Because it’s important their be consent, but it’s really fun day due to like that with your partner. it is and just for you those of you that aren’t familiar play party is the kind of a newfangled word for orgy.
Da: Is it an Orgy?
Cathy: um I think by definition, but I think those people I think orgies may not have incorporated as much consent as I hope play parties do now.
Dan: Well I think of an orgy is kind of like this massive free-for-all or where people just kind of going at it like the we see in the 70’s or something like that. Play parties that I’ve seen.
I’ve actually been to a couple they were much more structured and organized and it wasn’t just this free-for-all thing. It was you know like a social event and people talk to each other and say “hey do you want to go over here? And play” and so …
Cathy: it’s often, every play party is little different, different in you know … run them differently.
Dan: and so I have been to many.
Cathy: but it’s all often much more about consent. And I like going one’s where nobody in-circle and the rules are shared and then people can kind of go “hey you look interesting would you like to try to this thing?” and then they can see yes or no or how about this other thing?
Dan: yeah and it doesn’t necessarily have to be all about sex either. Could just be “hey i wanna cuddle”
Cathy: I’ve got some plenty where I just sat around and talked to a great conversation with really cool people.
Dan: yeah and the freedom of people around like having sex with anyone.
Cathy: oh my god I didn’t know that was possible like that’s amazing.
Dan: I want to see what she’s watching.
Cathy: Yeah so how do you? What had how would you deal with that? You like your partner doesn’t really, not interested but you’d really like to explore that with them.
Dan: you know personally have to I think you have to create it is very safe.
Dan: so who’s going to be there what kind of boundaries are going to be in place know that you know if there’s like a setup a safe word. You know Now if we get in and she’s freaking out because there’s somebody though that she just doesn’t like being creepy towards her or she just not getting the right vibe, like “you know I need to get out of here then we do that? “And you got to really step trust because if she says that word and you don’t leave then she’s not going to trust you in the future to try to do something like that. And in the infamous words of Muffet at Morehouse “if mommy’s happy, nobody’s happy” I’m sure somebody else said that too. But I know that that’s kind of their philosophy and so make sure your partner’s happy for those male or female.
Cathy: right I think you can be useful especially if such a partner’s first time visiting play parties have some agreements in place and I would choose, choose warming you know is very safe and consensual because not all of them are .but maybe agree to go for an hour and agree that make you know if you don’t want me to play like what would make you feel safe? I’m just going to hang out with you and we’re going to check it out and see if it feels like it’s fun or do you want to go for an hour and like I’ll walk you to the car and you’ll take off and I’ll catch an uber home later like different people have different needs about that but taking it slow and letting them kind of explore but never make anyone wrong for not wanting that that’s there’s play parties are not for everybody. I personally love the freedom and the fact that people can explore something and share the light and get over shame something that’s not normally talked
About to me it’s a very empowering thing um but not everybody feels that and don’t shame someone or push someone to go to something that’s not for them.
Dan: Right. Even if you’ve got a really strong desire to do something like that you made those other things you can work on. to support both needs being met you know if my partner doesn’t want to go home, but I really want to go then it kind of like you’re talking a little bit before is what are things that can be done to support both of us?
Dan: yeah what are the reasons why she or he don’t want to go? And one of the reasons you do.
Cathy: and is it okay do they care maybe you can go by yourself or with another friend, but they just don’t want to be there or do you want to throw a small party at your house with a couple like have a threesome or foursome so that you get the other person gets the experience but they feel those more timid partner I’m going to call the less you go to play party for a partner does a lot of thing lot of strange people are on sex. And there’s everybody’s a little different on how they respond to that.
Dan: yeah you know I think another thing of the preschool go to some of these workshops that
Are out there they’re kind of introducing this you know, in a way and soft my way
Cathy: and more guidance right yes
Dan: you’re not necessarily playing with others but you might be in a room where they’re teaching something about sexuality there might be a live demo you start to get a sense for Gee what’s it going to be like if I’m in a room with a nude person is receiving some kind of sexual activity and if you’re my partner and is she freaking out my freaking out.
Cathy: Just take it slow in a guided way. That’s a great idea
Dan: no thank you it just came up by me where people what
Cathy: what would you do and how would you handle that we’d love to hear
Dan: We love to hear your cooments