Further information can be found:
Upcoming Events: https://theintimacydojo.com/events
Event FAQ: https://theintimacydojo.com/event-faq
Virtual FAQ: https://theintimacydojo.com/virtual-faq/
This page exists to share what we’re doing to further diversity and inclusivity in our offerings.
There is always the risk of being performative… And I believe that people from marginalized groups should not have to do the labor of combing through multiple pages and searching for the information gathered here.
If you are newer to inclusive events, please see this page just for you.
The Intimacy Dojo is committed to creating community, events, and offerings that welcome folks over 18 (21 for more advanced courses) years old no matter what their race, gender, sexual orientation, physical appearance, age, race, size, religion, nationality, or social class. We strive to host inclusive, accessible events that enable all individuals, including individuals with disabilities, to engage fully.
Since this site and business have been founded in early 2012, we have used photos representing different races, gender expressions and pairings, disabilities, size, and ages in our blog posts, products, and presentations.
We invite people to share their pronouns, have pronoun stickers for name tags, and share our own pronouns.
We have consciously monitored the inclusivity of both our own and other’s summits, conference panels, and events and have encouraged improving the balance if there wasn’t much diversity, or declined to participate.
We have asked for feedback from a diverse group of savvy people on a number of projects and have paid for their labor and time with either money or mutually agreed trade.
When running events, we share the amount paid with all the speakers and pay consistently, (for example, for each 1-hour class taught).
There is always more work to do, and some of the resources generous POC people have recommended are below. We are learning, listening, speaking up, and being a stand against racism, sizism, trans- and homophobia, ableism, ageism, beautism, and classism.
If we learn we made mistakes, we are committed to listening, improving, apologizing, and growing.
What is your group about? We explore connection and communication on different levels, building skills, practicing, and releasing fears and blocks. Just like people play and practice in a martial arts dojo, we play and practice skills around authentic, vulnerable connection. We have workshops, Cuddle Parties, and other events ranging from G-rated to R-rated. We also have more explicit events that are by application only to allow people to move at a pace that is comfortable and feels safe for them. The added step of opting in for content when one is ready gives adults the opportunity to choose for themselves. While much of my content is free to the public, to ensure that people only see what they want to see, there is an added step to access more adult topics. All events are clearly labeled to help you decide what’s right for you.
Who is welcome? You are welcome to attend our classes and events no matter what your gender, your age, your sexual orientation, relationship status, race, ability or size. For some events, you must be at least 18 years old (Cuddle Parties) or 21 years or older (more sexually explicit classes and workshops) for legal reasons.
We especially welcome diversity. We are as all-inclusive as our growth edges allow for. We are constantly learning, growing, striving to do better. We’re not always going to get things perfect but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. We’d rather fail trying than “not fuck up” playing it safe.
If you are BIPOC… If you identify as trans, intersex, queer and other folks living anywhere within the spectrum please consider joining us. If you are disabled, please contact us so we can collaborate on making our events more accessibility-friendly. We recognize how heteronormative, ableist, and white-centric spaces can be and we aim to challenge this through our conversations, relationships, and actions.
What is your no harassment policy? TheIntimacyDojo is committed to offering experiences as free from harassment as we can make it regardless of gender, sexual orientation, disability, physical appearance, age, race, size, religion, nationality, or social class. We do not tolerate harassment of participants or staff in any form. Anyone violating these rules may be expelled from the event without a refund at the discretion of the organizers. We also reserve the right to ban individuals who violate this policy from our events temporarily or permanently, depending on the severity of the incident and the level of harm.
These events are designed to be “brave spaces” where you can challenge yourself, lean into your growth edges, feel vulnerable, and empower yourself to learn. Feeling unsafe because you are growing and pushing your own edges is not the same as being harassed.
Harassment includes offensive verbal comments related to any characteristics mentioned above, deliberate intimidation, stalking, following and failing to respect someone’s no, unwelcome photography or recording, sustained disruption of talks or other events, inappropriate physical contact, and unwelcome attention.
All facilitators and volunteer staff at TheIntimacyDojo events (Virtual and In-person) are made aware of this policy and have agreed to follow it and report any violations to the organizer(s). Posters sharing this are posted information are posted at in-person events, and the information is shared verbally and/or in writing on virtual events. If you have any information about violations or suggestions for upgrades, you can share them by emailing support@TheIntimacyDojo.com or anonymously at TheIntimacyDojo.com/feedback.
What if I’m a POC? You are most welcome. There are a number of attendees who are POC and we are committed to creating a safe and welcoming space for you.
What if I’m transgender? You’ll fit right in. We have a number of attendees who are transgender and we are committed to a safe and welcoming space for you.
What if I think I’m too old to attend? We’ve had people in their 70’s having a good time. (If anyone was older, they didn’t tell us, but they’d be welcome.) Please, don’t let age be an excuse! You are always the perfect age to keep learning and having more fun!
What if I’m gay/lesbian/bisexual/pansexual? Wonderful! Please join us. Cathy considers herself queer/pansexual and a number of the attendees and facilitators are as well.
I consider myself gender fluid. Will I fit in? Yes! Please join us.
I’m afraid I’m too fat, skinny, shy or awkward to attend. What should I do? Join us! Cathy weighs 320lbs and is committed to creating a space where people of all sizes and shyness levels can discover their voice and expression. We often give out “shy bracelets” to help those of us who identify as shy and/or introverted signal to other attendees that we are approachable and nervous about reaching out.
What if I’m disabled? Please let us know if you need special accommodations well in advance, we will do our best to meet your needs. (Due to the private location, no service animals can be allowed, our apologies.) Please see our Accessibility page here for more information: https://theintimacydojo.com/accessibility
What if I’m monogamous? What if I’m poly/in an open relationship? Welcome! Courageous explorers of intimacy and connection of all types and orientations are welcome whatever their relationship expression.
What if I’m Kinky? We welcome different expressions of intimacy, and kinky folks are welcome! At our in-person events those expressions are from asexual to vanilla to light BDSM (we don’t judge, we’re just not equipped).
What about fetishizing people? We welcome all consent minded humans to our events (age minimums are set for some events for legal reasons). Please do not fetishize or objectify people with different attributes. It is not okay to treat people as if they are only a skin color, a size, an ethnicity, ability or the like. As Maiysha Kai says in the linked article: “Treat me like a human being entitled to the same rights and protections as anyone else.” Useful information can be found here.
“Reducing a marginalized group or individual to a set of characteristics like personality, attitudes, and body types is, in fact, racist – even if it’s meant to be a compliment.” ~ Breeshia Wade
Treat people like individuals who are worth getting to know, not objects to be experienced. This is valuable whether you’re at a The Intimacy Dojo event or not.
For example, telling a larger woman-identified person that you like fat people is objectifying. It signals that you only care about her fat, and not about her as a person with dreams, wants, and a unique personality. Telling a larger woman-identified person that you enjoy her laugh and think her curves are sexy is signaling that you are interested in her as a person AND appreciate her body.
Do I ever have to do anything at these events? Is participation mandatory? The only rules we have at our events are those of consent and respect. As long as you ask and get verbal permission for activities permitted at the event, (the rules of consent) you never have to participate in any activity or exercise. You are welcome to say no to all invitations and requests to participate. You are responsible for your own choices and we ask you to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually when choosing what exercises and activities to participate in.
What if I have feedback I want to share about the events and/or facilitators? We welcome all kinds of feedback. We want to know where we could do better. We are committed to hearing whatever you want to share and will consider all feedback carefully. You can provide feedback directly by emailing Cathy@TheIntimacyDojo.com or if you would like to submit feedback anonymously, go here: https://theintimacydojo.com/feedback/
What is “Other” under gender options? Other stands for people who do not consider themselves male-identified or female-identified. People who consider themselves as genderqueer, two-spirit, gender fluid, non-binary, etc., can select “Other.” Each of the terms used are important and unique, and the forms on many sites we use are limited, so we use “other.”
What about Scholarships? We recognize that people from marginalized groups are often at a financial disadvantage. We have scholarship spots for events for people with financial challenges. We are also using tiered pricing for some of our events. If you need a scholarship or reduced pricing please email early, these tend to go fast.
If you would like a scholarship ticket, please email Cathy@TheIntimacyDojo.com and specify what event you’d like a ticket to, and please say if you need a scholarship or if you can do a reduced price ticket. If you are asking about a reduced price ticket, please let us know what you propose to pay.
The earlier you request this, generally the better your chances of tickets being available.
Resources I’ve Found Helpful (This is by no means an exhaustive list and new material is being created daily.)
There Is No Such Thing As A White Ally