Is your partner horrible at reframing fighting? Do you get to the point where you just give up because you don’t care?
Join relationship expert Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com as they share ways to learn how to reframe fighting and fight better.
Cathy: In our video about reframing fighting, which I really enjoyed doing I think it’s really useful information. Someone wrote: “Oh my god. My girlfriend is horrible at this. I get to the point where I just give up because I don’t care but then I’m still mad at her and end up ignoring her. How can I get her to watch this video and learn how to reframe fighting and fight better?
Reid: This isn’t a gender thing because it could be him, my boyfriend, it doesn’t matter. What a couple of different ways … all right. They are sneaky and not so sneaky.
Cathy: This is Reid Milhako from http://ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: And this is Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com. Cathy will be not so sneaky, I will be sneaky. I would send an email to you, to your girlfriend, boyfriend and CCed to a couple of other friends that you guys all love with, “Oh my god, you guys, this video, I watched it. It’s really got me thinking, link, XO, your name.” Hit send. You are just trying to get them to watch the video, post it on Facebook. Put to the attention of your friends, “Hey guys. I’m geeking out on this video, what are your thoughts? And then because the video and the content that falls out of our mouth is so good go to my website, difficult conversation formula, make sure hit that in the search bar, figure out there difficult conversation formula for you on this topic and once you get them to watch the video then have the difficult conversation.
Which is really about how you want to be better at fighting with each other and that you tricked them into watching the video because now you are coming clean with this. The other way to do it is you send the video, email, you send the Facebook post and then when you see your honey you are like, “Honey, I really want to watch this video will you watch it with me?” if they haven’t already watched it. This is a different situation if your partner is like, “I don’t want to watch that video.” Now you have a difficult conversation about why it’s important for them to watch the video with you.
Cathy: I think it can help to if you let them know, if you explain what’s been happening, you’re feeling resentful, you’re feeling shut down. It’s hard to be connected. You’re still feeling angry afterwards. If you explain that you think that skill set might ease that and take some of the conflict and drama out of your relationship that might help her be interested or willing to watch it and even … some people are just not video watchers. You can summarize for her or for your partner. This is some things you can do if you are in a fight so that can we try these next time.
Reid: You can also join Toast Masters and this would be one of your homeworks to give a speech on this very video and then tell your partner, “Hey, would you sit there and let me practice my speech on you,” and then teach them the content on the video. Granted this is a long way to do this but it could possibly work.
Cathy: If your partner absolutely refuses and the fights continue in that way, that’s when you start looking at: “Is this the bottom line for me. Am I willing to go through these kinds of fights? Am I willing to go through this kind of conflict for the rest of my life?” if you are looking at a long-term relationship and you can let your partner know. “Listen, this is starting to push my bottom line. This is really taking away from our relationship and we either need to get some counseling, coaching or work on this to make it better.”
Reid: Share with your partner how excited you are about the relationship and about learning skills and tools that will make the relationship even more awesome and that this is a particular tool you want to master, can they help you master it? Just extend invitations. Again, if they are not even going to sit down, and watch the video…like that’s a question like what else is going on? Leave your comments and questions below, let us know what you think about this and then maybe we can come up with another video to help you guys. We are just trying to give you good chunks of information and we love that you guys are giving us questions and leaving comments. Thank you so much for that.
Cathy: Yeah, thanks so much.
Reid: Good luck. Toast Masters.
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