Should I Talk To My Kids About Sex Even If They Don’t Want To?
Cathy: What if you want to be that cool sex-positive parent that talks to their kids about stuff and then your kid does not want to talk to you about sex, what do you do?
I’m here with J.D aka Jen Devine from http://superstarhealtheducation.com/and I’m Cathy Vartuli https://theintimacydojo.com/ and I think that’s a great like you…..yeah, okay I’ve learned all this stuff. I’m really good at this now, I have I’m ready and then you go talk to the kid and you were saying like what if they just put their hand they’re like “no, I don’t want to talk to you about it.” What do you do?
Jen: Well, and….and first of all you I always want to acknowledge that’s really normal
Cathy: Yeah.
Jen: and that can happen at any age. Little kids sometimes are like just not….not wanting to talk about those things, they find it icky or it’s just not in their bandwidth. Teenagers often are boundary setting and saying ‘hey, no. I want to talk about it.” So I always say that that it’s actually a really positive sign.
Cathy: They’re willing to say no to you.
Jen: They’re willing to set some boundaries and say “you know what, this isn’t what I want to talk about right now.” But you know what they are still listening.
Cathy: Yeah.
Jen: So
Cathy: they know they can
Jen: It’s not
Cathy: go to know about it.
Jen: Yeah. It….the….the idea that there’s this one talk that people have.
Cathy: Yeah
Jen: You know
Cathy: It’s lot talk.
Jen: More talk and it was a big drama talk and it’s like full of sacred and you know tawdry information. No it’s actually the opportunities for parenting around issues of bodies, gender, sex, consent, pleasure are available all the time. So periodic times with people like “mom, please stop talking about like that billboard about porn right now in the car. I’m really tired of it.” It’s great. It’s great boundary setting but in the meantime you’re just bringing it into the conversation because it happens everywhere.
Cathy: Yeah and you can thank them “hey, thanks for letting me know setting your boundaries
Jen: Yeah.
Cathy: being clear
Jen: Yeah and you don’t just know that I’m available and able. I’d love to talk to you when you do have questions or the other great thing to do as a parent is it’s developmentally normal for kids to stop being really close to their parents and start being closer with their peer groups.
Cathy: Yeah
Jen: Right? And or other adults that they trust that you trust also in their lives. So set that up like make sure you know who the other adults in your kid’s life that you trust that…..and you can make sure that they know they can go to Aunt J.D or you know wonderful Uncle Bob and that Uncle Bob has an agreement with you that you’re not going to Uncle Bob’s not going to disclose to you as parents what they share
Cathy: Yeah
Jen: but you completely trust Uncle Bob and Aunt J.D with the information that your child might come to them with that might be more personal or boundary you know more
Cathy: I like that.
Jen: private or not sexuality.
Cathy: Yeah
Jen: So let your kids know there are other people they can talk to too. So it’s….it’s cool when they give you the hand it’s like “great, you know how to set boundaries. That’s awesome. Super skilled to have like as a grownup dealing with sexuality” because sometimes you want to say “I invite you in” and other time you say “I don’t need a hug today” or “I don’t want you to touch my genitals in that way”
Cathy: Yeah
Jen: or whatever it is.
Cathy: Yeah
Jen: So
Cathy: That’s great. Thanks so much for sharing that.
Jen: Yeah.
Cathy: If you have thoughts or comments please leave them below. We’d love to know what you think.
Jen: Thanks!
