What Are Conscious Breakups And How Do You Deal One?
Cathy: What are conscious breakups and how do you deal with one?
Dan: That’s a really good question
Cathy: This is Dan Powers from http://www.beyondthebedroomevents.com/
Dan: And this is Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/
Cathy: And I’m so glad you’re here we’re talking about this. A lot of people we were just talking about how it’s like most people think Till, death do you part. But to me that’s like you become cage fighters it’s like “I really wish you’d die”. And that’s not the kind of relationship I want to be in.
Cathy: Well, I want my partner me and my partner or partners to be feeling like the relationship is uplifting us and helping us live more fulfilled lives. Not going to “Oh, dear Lord how many more gears until are done with this?”
Dan: Right, Yeah so I think. What what’s really interesting about it the Bible does tell till death do us part and we’ve kind of adopted that even for a regular relationships. “So, I’m not married I’ve got a boyfriend or girlfriend and I can’t break up with them If I do I have to just a failure”
Cathy: Yeah! There’s a failure.
Dan: Well there’s a failure about
Cathy: The other person has be bad to say.
Dan: Right, and I think the justification for us and well “they’re a bitch so I’ve got to break up with them.”
Cathy: “its okay I have thank you care of myself vs. I really like this person who I started part of my life with. And they’re just not a good fit for our lives are not a good for each other”.
Dan: Any more. We’re diverging our paths and it makes sense for us to be able to go off in our separate directions. And you know what I was looking at “you were madly in love at one point time that’s why you got together”.
Cathy: And now you need to hate them to get out of it.
Dan: Right, and I know a lot of people think “well gee you know that’s there’s some jealousy issues or one of them doesn’t want to break up and the other one does” but you know really you’re in a relationship you’re moving off in different directions you almost need to try to remove the emotion from it, what’s Is most difficult to do and figure out. Like” this is the path that we need to go on they’re not all along the same lines. How can I support this person in getting what they need in their life and I get what I need in my life?”
Cathy: Yeah, I think it goes back to why were you in the relationship to begin with? Why you entered this relationship? Probably because it felt good to both of you both felt happier together. And I always know this, well but I’m friends with most of my ex’s like back in the day I wish I had conscious breakup skills. Because we kind of fought back and forth and struggled even though both of us knew that it wasn’t the right thing for us anymore. We didn’t have the skills to say “Hey, I love you and you both can be happier if we’re just friends. Or if I’d known about I didn’t know about open relationships I neither like we might have been able to find ways to continue happily just we weren’t necessarily each other’s primary. We could have been in each other’s lives and romantic and sexual, but not necessarily like living you know. Living in the same house and primary partners.
Dan: Yeah! Why do people who they’re in a relationship they’re married and they love each other but we’re not romantically involved anymore. And so they go outside for their romantic needs but they’re very loving with their partner at home. And doing the other needs that they have everyday life kinds of things which is this fun thing to just not sex.
Cathy: I think that’s a lot. Like I like the idea of rewriting sex rewriting relationships and sex in many ways. My cat is making a cameo. But it’s like I have one of my best friends in the world these He’s amazing people who are very romantic with each other people always like how long have you been married? We’re not married we’re not sexual, we’re just we love each other were so sweet to each other very romantic. And I have other partners that are like sex friends, like their friends with benefits and we’re not romantic and we’re not in love and I think we need to put all the pieces like everybody used to put them all together they glued all the Legos together and then they wondered why they couldn’t build a fun things. We get to put the Legos together in different ways and we get to explore with our whoever were in each needs and say “Hey, this way it looks like I might stand with your Legos do you want to try it out for a while? And we don’t have to break everything neither because I have no those don’t fit together I’m going to take my Lego in the home.
Dan: I never heard relationship put together through Legos before they have Lego movies now we have Lego sex.
Cathy: Holds kind of how it works?
Cathy: Leave comments below. Do you like the Lego? The analogy or would you prefer something else?
Dan: Lego my Lego.