What are Some of the Problems People Encounter In Open Relationships?
Cathy: So, Erika what are some of the problems you, you’ve interviewed with fifty people or fifty groups of people about open relationships over the last couple of years and what are some of the common problems that came up for them like what do people struggle with open relationships and just this is Erika Keepen from the https://www.theopenphotoproject.com/ and I’m Cathy Vartuli from https://theintimacydojo.com/. Thanks for being here Erika.
Erika: Yeah, my pleasure. Thank you. It’s, you know it’s a pretty wide variety of things that comes up with open relationships people are designed their own relationships in very different ways. So one open relationship of course could be different from another one but that said one thing that comes up a lot and it’s almost ended joking way but also not really scheduling just people kind of laugh about Google calendar being super important and and you know just if you’re trying to coordinate gates with multiple people or if you know quality time with whether it’s house dates or going out, your dates are just like any other quality time with multiple partners and the other partners has multiple partners and you know everybody just needs to sort of be communicative and give like their scheduling information to make that working. Because it does take a lot of time and so I think there’s even make a little a funny meme that I saw where what my friends think I’m doing with polyamory and what my parents think I’m doing with polyamory and you know things like orgy. [Inaudible 00:01:33]
Cathy: What I’, actually doing
Erika: [Inaudible 00:01:35] a calendar.
Cathy: No, it’s true. And one of my playmates just love his wife has lovers too and so we try to schedule like, oh she has a date on Tuesday night can we get together that night and then I’m like looking through my calendar trying to figure out how I can adjust to it so.
Erika: Or if you have you have a date and then your partner might make a date because you’re could be out of the house. Well if the first day you have a date with
Erika: Sick or just isn’t up for it that affects four people perhaps because you need to go back home where they can have their dates so I think got to be like a good team there I guess in that way
Erika: And then I think the communication is another big one that people talk about being a challenge it’s you know I would say a lot of times it’s a challenge in a good way and that people end up pushing themselves to get to increase their closeness in their communication skills but if you’re having a little bit of a hard time communicating or something’s not clear that can be really be that can really throw a wrench into things I guess you know.
Cathy: Yeah, why would I coach people to and I’ll have a couple talking to me about how they want to improve their relationship by bringing in a third partner and I’m like figure out your communication stuff first because it’s like having a baby it’s like it’s not going to make them some communication problem go away. You need to have super good communication.
Erika: Yeah. I’m super on point [Inaudible 00:02:58] and then I would just like maybe the last one that comes to mind about challenges it’s may be assumptions from people who are not in the relationship. You know maybe those assumptions often or just assumptions so, can find couple ones once and once a man and they’re they’re an open relationship and the woman always has people assuming, oh he’s taking advantage of you when is he going to settle down and commit to you?
Cathy: Yes, yes
Erika: And it’s really insulting to her. It’s like, Oh, so you’re saying I don’t have any agency to say if this is also something that I would like? No.
Cathy: And I’m just waiting for him to see the light come back to me solo, it’s.
Erika: Yeah, so assumptions that other people have really just lack of knowledge and awareness but they can either be annoying or damaging so you just have to deal with that on an everyday basis.
Erika: At first, the You Tube channel that we have for the Open Photo Project it’s, I’ve just recently organized into playlist and so one of the playlists is challenges and favorite things. So if I ask someone about what is challenges and what are the favourite things about their non-monogamous relationship then I’ve put that up on the channel so you I may have not remembered some important ones but it will be up there.
Cathy: Yeah wonderful. So, I appreciate you sharing and so appreciate all the people that shared with you too because it does help us all we learn from each other I’d rather not make all the mistakes myself, I’d rather try a little bit learn from other people and also the celebrations on things that really work. So, if you get a chance go check out the https://www.theopenphotoproject.com/ or the YouTube channels at the Open Photo Project on the You Tube channel?
Erika: Yeah. It’s I.. I believe it’s also the Open Photo Project if you can have it. Yeah, it’s the Open Photo Project in the YouTube channel. That’s it.
Cathy: So go check it out leave comments below let us know what you think and Erika, thank you so much for being here today.
Erika: Thank you!