What Do You Do If You Have Low Libido Due To Stress?
What do you do if you aren’t interested in sex because of all the stress in your life? With Elizabeth Wood from http://www.BedEvents.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Cathy: What do you do if you have low libido due to low hormones? I’m here with Elizabeth Wood from http://beyondthebedroomevents.com/ and I’m Cathy Vartuli from https://theintimacydojo.com/. Thanks for being here Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Thanks Cathy for having me. That’s a great question and one then I get a lot of time so just self-disclosure I’m 53 and so my peers and I are going through the peri and you know have gone through menopause or are in menopause and a lot of times I get you know like “are you feeling horny?” What’s happening because I feel nothing in my poor partner I mean we….we barely have sex at all.” So what I like to tell people is that you know it’s….it’s a natural phenomenon where the….the hormones just dwindle away but keeping the fires burning keeping that sort of that…that energy that sexual energy going, you can do that in a lot of different ways. So what I like to invite the women who….who asked me that question and myself also is you know amp up your self-pleasure practice I mean “wow, how fantastic.” Get a good lube because our tissue tends to dry and we want a lot of lubricant down there so get a really good lube for whatever toy you’re using and if you’re going to use a toy self-pleasure bring back the juices maybe even if like if I could give a prescription on a regular daily basis or every other day and then when you’re with your partner, not everything has to lead to intercourse but cuddling and stroking and petting and kissing once you start that engine it seems to be easier to take it to wherever you want to go.
Cathy: Yeah. It’s really easy when you’re busy or your body just isn’t like even silly things like taking a bath like sitting in a bathroom just relaxing it’s like “No, I’ll just grab a shower later. I’m busy” but if I if my brain isn’t interested in it but when I get in there I’m like “oh my God. Thank God why I didn’t do this yesterday too?” I think that that’s like kind of helping your body remember this can feel really good and for a lot of people it’s a big part of their relationship. It’s a part of the reason they’re in a relationship is that that amazing sexual connection. So it’s yeah, that would be hard if you’re not just you’re just not feeling it. Your body and your brain or now like “hey, when are we going to do that?”
Elizabeth: So I think also the body wisdom of….you were just talking about how awesome your body feels when you get in that bathtub it’s turning off the brain or turning off the phone and….and getting a…you know just a little bit further away from that busy routine and that busy brain and letting the body feel those sensations
Cathy: Yeah.
Elizabeth: that sensuality which is basically exploring the five senses like let the body return to its basic five senses and then you’re more likely to move into a sexual experience. So the body is far wiser in terms of that type of physical intimacy than our brain thinking “Uhh, I don’t think I want to do this tonight.” You know like I think giving our bodies the chance to come back on line is a…a great thing.
Cathy: Yeah. I think we….we should never ever force ourselves to have sex it’s not what we’re talking about but there’s not there’s….there’s a difference between not feeling the drive to have sex and actively not wanting to have sex. So we’re not….not saying at all….that people should force themselves to have sex to keep their partner happy but having date time where you can just cuddle and stroke each other and get in that and then see if it goes somewhere that’s nice that’s wonderful and if you’re still not in the mood to help your play…. to actually have sex you’ve had this warm connected time it might be a yes to help them masturbate or to hold them while they masturbate or you can find different ways to still have really sexy time or connected time like that
Elizabeth: Like I….I
Cathy: without forcing yourself.
Elizabeth: loved playing with my husband’s hair
Cathy: Yes.
Elizabeth: and I just you know I just can relax while stroking his hair. I have a very….very dear friend whose hair I love and I loved to play with her hair all the time that’s not a sexual thing. It’s an intimate thing
Cathy: It’s sensual
Elizabeth: where we’re just
Cathy: it’s like I love having my hair played with people that are very good at playing with hair like “Oh, melty.”
Elizabeth: Yeah and I think that’s it. It’s melty, it can relax you, it can open you up more if that’s a type of relationship you’re in with the someone whose hair you’re stroking it can open you up more to feeling you know a…a….a deeper connection and then moving somewhere that is you know consensual for the two of you.
Cathy: Yeah
Elizabeth: So again, it’s a simple practice of you know just like “oh I could do it to myself and I’ll be asleep”
Cathy: Yes and it’s like yeah
Elizabeth: you know
Cathy: it’s just being present with your body.
Elizabeth: Absolutely, being present with the body and then seeing where that might be.
Cathy: Yeah. I think it’s usually it’s important too that if you’re having a lot of fluctuation hormones check with your doctor find out if everything is okay like normal because there are natural fluctuations and there are times when we should get make sure things are ticking along correctly
Elizabeth: Yeah
Cathy: for our own health.
Elizabeth: And the last thing I want I want to make sure that we’re not excluding the….the people who have testosterone because testosterone absolutely ebbs and flows with stress and testosterone in the male body it does decline with aging. So it’s not just women with estrogen and progesterone that we’re talking about so have that conversation you know a lot of people hide the fact that you know that either they’re not getting their period you know as you aged up to 50 but men also are feeling can be feeling a decline in that testosterone. So again you know number one is communicate….communicate….communicate and say “wow I don’t feel as horny or as sexy or as vibrant as I used to maybe the things that you and I can do together partner to figure this out.” So I definitely didn’t want to exclude those that….that
Cathy: No, we should….it’s
Elizabeth: keep pumping and pumping with testosterone.
Cathy: Yes, wonderful. I’m really glad you specified that. If you have comments, thoughts, suggestions please leave comments below. Thanks Elizabeth!
Elizabeth: Thanks Cathy!
