Attracted to people of different genders? You could face mono sexism! What is it?

With Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com, Andi Cortland from http://www.LevelUpSex.com.

Cathy: What is monosexism and how does it affect you? I’m Cathy Vartuli from the http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com. 

Andi: I’m Andi Cortland from http://www.LevelUpSex.com. 

Cathy: Could you define monosexism for us? 

Andi: Totally. This is discrimination against someone who is attracted to more than one sex. If you think heterosexism is discrimination against someone who is attracted to someone who is not the opposite sex, monosexism is basically saying, “Oh, you’re not a gay man. You’re not a lesbian. You’re not a straight person. What, you’re bisexual, you’re pan-sexual, you’re attracted to more than one gender? That’s not okay. The way this shows up … The first instance that I remember this. I was a high school student. I’m bisexual. I’ve known that I was bisexual since I was in first grade and I kissed a girl and then a boy. 

Cathy: Precocious even then? 

Andi: Yeah, it was great. It was all so great and it was like the wildest, the best. I was in high school at the cafeteria table and I distinctly remember a classmate sitting across from me saying, “People can be gay or people can be straight but I think bi-people, they just want it wherever they can get it. 

Cathy: That’s hard … You’re pansexual, whatever you want to call it, and it was a challenge. I came out in the 90’s, early 90’s as a lesbian and when I told my group … It kind of a more militant lesbian group. Wonderful people. They’ve been incredibly supportive but when I shared that I liked men too that wasn’t okay. You were talking about bi-sexual invisibility. 

Andi: Invisibility. 

Cathy: Yeah. 

Andi: Right. 

Cathy: Where it’s not okay to be fluid in that. 

Andi: Exactly, or it’s not even seen. People often ask me why I use the term bisexual when I identify as gender queer. I’m not a man. I’m not a woman. I’m just a human so hi, I’m human. Treat me like a human. 

Cathy: I like to sleep with other females. 

Andi: I like to sleep with other humans. The reason is, when I introduce myself as queer and then I introduce someone to my husband they are without fail shocked that I have a husband. Yes, I am married to a cis straight guy and I love him very much. I also have lots of play partners and lovers of varying genders and gender expressions. That works for me. When I say just queer all of a sudden my identity as bisexual gets erased. My relationship with my husband gets erased. 

Cathy: Yeah, that’s hard. 

Andi: I don’t like that. 

Cathy: Yeah, I really appreciate you sharing that. The more we can educate people and let them know that there’s lots of different ways to be okay, having relationships and connecting with people the more opportunity and freedom we all have. I really appreciate you sharing the definitions and your experiences. If you have any thoughts about this please leave notes below in the comments. 

Andi: Yeah, totally, or ask us questions. 

Cathy: Yes, thank you.

 

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