When Should I Seek Medical Attention If Penetration Hurts?
Cathy: When do you know if it’s time to see a doctor when penetration hurts? Someone wrote in and said if her partner goes to deep it really hurts, I feel like there’s a blockage or something. I can only handle 5-6 inches, is there something wrong? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.Reidaboutsex.com
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http:// www.TheIntimacyDojo.com
Cathy: And there’s a lot of different reasons it could hurt. I do encourage you to go see a doctor, anytime you’re concerned. I mean sex is such a beautiful part of a relationship, having concerns or fears about it is certainly out of the way
Reid: And and helpful if you see a doctor who’s comfortable talking about sex
Cathy: Yes, sex positive doctor.
Reid: Not all doctors are. And you know, traditionally speaking most medical schools only spend a small amount of time like a like a couple of hours talking about sex in med school.
Cathy: So I’ve educated my OB-Gyne about anatomy and it was like uh.
Reid: Yeah, so again. You may also just want to go and make sure that you are seeing a doctor who is totally cool talking about the sexy stuff. Or finding a sex therapist who might be able to recommend a doctor locally, there might be people that they know of, the only reason that I fill that in because going to talk to a doctor who’s not knowledgeable or comfortable talking about sex, when you’re talking about penetrative yada yada yada. They might just say all the wrong stuff and we want to try to avoid that.
Cathy: That will make it worse. After seeing your doctor, if there is nothing physically wrong, I realize vaginismus which is basically Charlie Horse’s in your vagina and there’s other stresses that can cause pain in there, it might also be that you’re not fully aroused as you think you are. You talk about using the Spock.
Reid: Yeah, the inverted Vulcan so you can just go to http:// www.Reidaboutsex.com and just type in Vulcan and you can learn more about that, you can also learn about inverted Vulcan here in youtube and you’ll learn about that as well but techniques and ways of playing, with you and your partner so that your body is fully aroused and wants penetration. Generally speaking, vaginas can like you know, take a lot and work better when they are highly aroused and well lubricated. Use lube and having hangout with people who have humongous penises or friends who played with dildos who happens to be really really long, you know we jokingly refer to as “bottoming out”, where you can kind of hit the end of the road and trying to go beyond that seems to be uncomfortable, other things that can be useful and again your mileage may vary, trying different sexual positions especially if your partner has a really long member, because certain positions allow for deeper penetration than others so you can find one that works really well and is fun for both of you and that’s also kind of flip advice for folks who have smaller penises or when you are using a smaller toy, you can use different positions to get deeper penetration, so like, that kind of advice in that knowing these things about our bodies works in both directions around creating sex that feels good for you.
Cathy: Yeah, do you have positions that you recommend if they want shallower penetration?
Reid: Shallower penetration, generally speaking like spooning, like penetrative sex while spooning, any situation where for the most part, your butt cheeks hit the penis owner’s or the strap-on wearer’s abdomen and thighs that can really be useful. Situations where you have your legs in the air or your knees bent and you are on your back, usually allow for deeper penetration, and doggy style can kind of go both ways because you can grab people’s butt and kind of squeeze them to the side but situations where you’re kind of lying in your sides and spooning that that’s the one that comes to mind that’s really a good one for more shallow penetration.
Cathy: And in terms of turn on, sometimes we think, like I used to, when I had sex before I was educated about it, I would..
Reid: Coz now you don’t have sex anymore? Now that you are educated, you stop?
Cathy: Thank you. No. I would try to turn on enough that I can allow penetration, versus my body going please do it now, so just tuning in to yourself, it doesn’t mean your partner is doing something wrong it maybe there’s need to be more communication or and different people get turned on at different speeds and different times of the day in their life and..
Reid: And the thing that turn you on one week, the next day or the next week might not be working. Another position that popped up, if the receiver is in their belly and you have your legs together and the penis owner or the strap-on wearer is lying on top of you that’s comfortable for your bodies, with your legs together and once you get in that seems to be a really good position for coz now you have the butt and the hamstrings of the person lying down and that will allow for shallower penetration.
Cathy: If you are a bigger person, make sure you lube up the top of the thighs a little bit.
Reid: Lube, Use lube folks!
Cathy: It’s a great position but it does if you’re bigger and you have your thighs press together, a little bit of lube goes a long way there.
Reid: Yeah. And also, it’s okay to like in the middle of things be like hey, you know, can we take a time out, I need more lube or I need to adjust positions, it’s okay to interrupt things.
Cathy: Yeah, you can even specify, let’s try this position for three strokes, then we’re going to stop and figure out because sometimes we get turned on and something is hurting and we’re not speaking up, or we’re hoping that sex would just be over so we can be done. Speaking up during and changing positions, it allows us to feel free and to really enjoy the process.
Reid: Yeah. How was the video? Ideas? Comments? We can go on forever, but won’t.