When You Are Too Tired For Sex: A Simple Solution
Cathy: What do you do when you have conflicting needs Like your really tired but you also like to have sex?
Dan: I’d go to sleep
Cathy: This is Dan Powers from http://www.beyondthebedroomevents.com/
Dan: Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/
Cathy: And it can be challenging like there I know, there’s time when I’m hungry or tired or I’m horny or tired and tired and it’s like what do I do first? Or how do I take care of myself? And when two people are both in the situation or one partner is there. It can be a conflict for the couple it’s like
“Honey I’ve been waiting for you all day, like come on I just want to go to sleep.”
Dan: Yeah! And I just recently had this issue because I’m at I was at a training workshop. And were really tired were going all day long and its late and we have to get up early to do all things. It’s like
“But we haven’t had sex in a while so let have sex”. It’s like “yeah No…” I can’t do that. Now what I do is try to schedule it and our schedules are just so busy in a way that we really have to try to schedule a time carve it out specifically in order to have sex. And I know a lot of people will say gee that’s not very spontaneous and only fun but you know if you really make it spontaneous or not spontaneous so much but you can use is as foreplay. So you say okay were going to have sex like three days from now at ten o’clock in the morning which is kind work for both of us. We schedule a time schedule that time and make sure that it’s set aside specifically for that. And now I can tease her and say “Oh you know, I think you should wear that nice teddy that you have” and ‘Oh I just got this new vibrator in the mail that I’m going to do a sex toy product review of and I would like to try that on you.”
Cathy: I can’t wait to get you alone. It’s away five more hours, I can build up it can be really fun.
Dan: But it’s something you really have to be steadfast about setting that time and not letting anything push it out because if you do then it starts getting nonsense. I used to put on my calendar like every Tuesday at a certain time we’re going to have sex and after 3 weeks that was great… But then the 4th weeks we blew it off the sun very slow. And that Tuesday never came again.
Cathy: Yeah, Well I think when I … it might be that you want to have date, maybe your date with 8oclock on Friday. And either one of is not feeling well or just really tired. It’s like how do you follow through with that when you’ve agreed but well it’s been such a long week. I really want to connect with you but I’m not. And I think that the person that someone was tired wins but there’s sometimes a way as you can compromise is like I can hold you while you masturbate or maybe I’ll play with you flora vital while you masturbate or let’s set the alarm for an hour earlier tomorrow when I’m awake. And so there’s a ways that people can work through stuff but there are times when was like I can meet both of these needs at the same time. And it’s hard when you’re a couple and your partners like “But honey “having communication can really help that. I like the idea of just setting aside the time for that.
Dan: And sometimes you have to look at the motivations behind it to. Is it you’re really tired or is there something else is going on?
Cathy: Like a resentment between the two of you and you don’t want to be that close.
Dan: And one things that I know we have done is with my wife Elizabeth we, she didn’t want to have sex that’s something I said “no I think you’ll feel better if we do” and she grudgingly agreed. But we did it and it worked great she was amplified her energy was now positive it change her whole attitude from being angry like she was before to being more receptive. You have to look at why you’re doing to.
Cathy: I know it’s a great idea and there are times when someone kind of pushing me a little bit it’s okay I’ll do it because you’re pushy. but we do get to have boundaries and say “No, I don’t want to do that” there’s a difference between me like wow just be resistant it’s okay unlike my friend or my partners pushing me and there’s times like “No, I’m not a yes to this.” So I think that it’s important to talk about it and realize it’s not a rejection of you. If I want to be like I’m just too tired tonight you know maybe tomorrow although there’s. A lot of us who brought up there say if someone rejects sex especially if the man rejects sex in our society there’s something wrong you’re not desirable. There’s is like Yeah, If you were desirable they will want to have a sex ever they are tired.
Dan: Not just think true.
Cathy: Yeah! Human needs to think.
Reid: We need a lot of things, there’s a lot of things that go on for us that can take us out of being in the mood and stress is one of the big killer of sex. You know deadlines for work tax season.
Dan: Sorry I don’t mean to bring that up.