Jealousy- Feeling Special, Example

Jealousy- Feeling Special, Example

Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com talk about an example of balancing feeling special when there’s more than two people involved.

Cathy: Hey everyone, this is Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com. I’m here with Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com, and this is Feeling Special Video Two.

Reid: Video two. Cathy just shared with me that we had … do that thing.

Cathy: So Reid and my best friend Rick were just here visiting me together. That’s the first time they’ve both been here. And because riding in the front seat is really important to me, I was kind of like, “Hmm, I’m going to be driving because we’re in Dallas and what if they both want to sit in the front seat, how do I balance them both feeling special? What do I do so that neither one feels neglected or hurt?” I was concerned about that.

Reid: So this is a classic example of a very caring, openhearted, amazing person worrying too much.

Cathy: [Laughs] Thank you.

Reid: Yeah. No, it’s very sweet of you to be like, “Wow, that’s really important to me, maybe it’s important to them.”

Cathy: Projection.

Reid: It’s projection. And the way I would handle it is you do your little difficult conversations formula, and you basically tell your friends, “Hey, this thing is really important for me, and I’m worried that it might be important for one of you guys, or both of you, I need to clear this conversation out of my head, how do we handle it?” If you’re really worked up about it. Like, say you’ve been thinking about this for five days and you’re like, “Oh my god.” It might come out really kind of sitcommy, like ‘Blah!’ but if they’re really your friends.

Cathy: They’ll get it .

Reid: We’ll be like, “Oh, okay.” It might be strange, but.

Cathy: Well, you’re used to me being strange sometimes.

Reid: But I guarantee you the strange factor of you blurting out your concern, is going to be way less strange than what you do inside your head and how it resonates inside the car on that drive where you’re worried that one of them is upset and now you’re like, “Oh my God, he’s in the backset and how come he hasn’t said anything? He must be really want to sit in the front seat, and oh my god, Reid doesn’t know and I really want them to get together.”

And then Rick and I are sitting in the car being like, “What is going on with Cathy?” So I really do — it’s that say what’s not being said and trust, especially with you and Rick, and visit http://ThrivingNow.com if you haven’t, that’s their website, after however many years you guys have been together, if he can’t handle you having a little spaz attack. Hello?

Cathy: Yeah.

Reid: If you can’t handle me being this doofus, don’t be friends with me. That’s how I would handle the special thing. When you catch your momentum, your worry wheel really picking up speed.

Cathy: Say something.

Reid: Yeah, say something, 

Cathy: I actually did. Before you got in town I talked to Rick and he’s like, “I don’t care who sits in the front seat. I’ll just sit in the back.” And he didn’t care.

Reid: Yeah.

Cathy: It wasn’t a big deal. So.

Reid: So it’s often — my experience has been it’s usually 99. whatever %, it’s usually a bigger deal in your head.

Cathy: Yeah, get it out so you have room to spend time with some cool people.

Reid: Yeah, I hope that’s helpful. Leave comments below.

Cathy: Thanks.

Reid: What are you worried about?

Cathy: [Laughs]

 

More articles about jealousy:

Jealousy As A Signal That Needs Aren’t Being Met

Jealousy- Needing To Feel Special With Others

 

By | 2016-01-04T06:12:56+00:00 July 19, 2012|Dating, Jealousy, Relationship Skills|