How Do You Balance Multiple Lovers In Bed?
Find out with Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo and Reid Mihalko and http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: So someone wrote in and asked what are some techniques and ways I can please multiple partners if I’m a swinger or a poly? This is Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com/.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from TheIntimacyDojo.com. Get them other lovers and partners.
Cathy: I think they mean in the moment you have multiple lovers like how do you balance and play with-
Reid: Like a group sex situation?
Cathy: I believe so.
Reid: Yeah, now we’re talking. Everybody leaning forward.
Cathy: It can be hard enough just to please one person sometimes
Reid: Yes, yes it can. Again, as somebody who enjoys group sex and has a fair amount of it. First thing I just want to say is you maybe somebody who having a bunch of people and trying to please them all is just completely nerve-wracking, doesn’t make is not fun for you and just puts a lot of pressure on you.
Cathy: No but some of that you don’t have to do that but you don’t have to have group sex to be cool but learning the techniques might work with one person or with yourself to some of the approaches like the paying attention.
Reid: Well yeah I mean there’s certain sexuality skill sets that are useful in one-on-one sex and in group sex, right? And if you’re curious about that go to http://Sex10xonline.com and you can get some free videos on that and I have a whole course about sexuality skill sets and understanding people’s bodies and how do you create a pleasure which you can try to do that with two people or more people at the same time. Being present with people, being able to pay attention and not check out. Other thing is how do you when it’s appropriate get people to do the work for you, right? Because I am lazy. I’m not just lazy, I’m smart. The piece about oh I have two lover, let’s just say it’s a threesome, right? I have two lovers and one way to create pleasure is to include everybody, right? I’m going to hand fuck both of you or there’s vulva and then there’s a cock and that’s actually really hard to do. So I hand fuck one and jerk off the other but if I tell you if you two want to kiss or tweak each other’s nipples. I’m coming up with ideas to get the people helping heighten the situation, right? When I’m in situations and threesomes and moresomes, you can have somebody be using pressure to push on the other person so they get more into their body or hold them. Here you lie on top of someone and so have them bite your neck and nibble on your ears while we do this to you. For me as an extrovert, I like coming up with ideas in just like in the middle of a foursome or something like I have an idea. Somebody sit on my cock while somebody sits on my face and then do reverse cowgirl so you two can kiss. Then you sir with the penis, come over here and put the penis in between the two people who are trying to make out. I’m just coming up with kooky like a Lego set, an erector set where I’m trying to build just fun stuff. Where the bonus is if you’re if that’s your style. If it’s not, you could ask that it be everyone else’s style, right? I’m also role modeling that it’s okay for everybody else to start shouting out ideas and fun things. Being an instigator where you’re still not forcing anybody to do anything that can be really useful. The other thing that I have found that some people think is a bad advice is I try to before things turn into a five some or whatever have a check in with everybody about their needs and boundaries and have a safer sex conversation.
Cathy: I think it’s brilliant.
Reid: My belief is you ruin the five some or the threesome or even the twosome with you and another person by having a safer sex conversation, if you ruin your opportunity, you’ve probably saved yourself and your friends or those strangers a headache the next morning because if people can’t have an adult conversation about sexual health and needs and wants, there’s a good chance that the group sex scenarios going to get weird and then people might regret it. I really am trying to not create regrets in my group sex situations and by speaking up if you ruin the moment then that’s the only regret you have and that is a much better regret than you are somebody feeling like they had to do something they didn’t want to.
Cathy: The other thing I think works well first younger couple or group sex is that I think a lot us have the idea that we’re supposed to like getting a certain position and do it until someone orgasms or like finish. Sometimes people like it’s fun for me, I’m in a missionary position having penetrative sex and then all of a sudden switch and I’m giving them a blowjob or like switching around. When you’re with multiple people, making sure different people get to be the center of it can be really fun.