There’s an assumption that, if you’re powerful, then somehow you’re not going to notice people. We tend to think that power is automatically reckless or the worry there is that it’s going to be reckless. If you want to be a more powerful person, how can you do it without trampling other people, still being aware of other people and giving space for other people to have their needs and wants too?
Join relationship expert Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com as they share ways to be a powerful person, and at the same time leave space for other people.
Reid: You’re at the right video. This one’s going to be good.
What are we talking about?
Cathy: Allowing power.
If you want to be a more powerful person, you want to walk through the world with more power, how can you do it without trampling other people, still being aware of other people and giving space for other people to have their needs and wants too?
Reid: I’m Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com
Cathy: I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: This is a good one. Good question.
Okay. There’s a mistake.
Reid: There’s an assumption in that … and there’s a lot of different ways we can answer this question. But one of the assumptions is if I’m powerful, then somehow I’m not going to notice people.
You can have a bowl in a China shop, there’s a lot of power there.
Reid: And you can also have a really strong course that’s well trained and there’s a lot of power there.
One can be harnessed and one’s kind of a little bit reckless.
Reid: We tend to think that power is automatically reckless or the worry there is that it’s going to be reckless.
Cathy: That you won’t notice.
Yeah, if you think of notes, people are thinking notes, the powerful note could drowned out other peoples.
Reid: But that’s not … that’s a different analogy completely.
Reid: Right? I think, because you’re saying that my powerful note … I’m incapable of controlling my volume or in singing in harmony with people. Okay?
Reid: Right off the cuff. Right off the…and I don’t even have cuffs.
Cathy: Thumbs up for like that.
Reid: The situation here, the solution is presence.
Your ability to be present with the people around you changes everything.
Reid: Okay. There’s … I was in some podcast a couple of days ago and there was some interesting little thing of…you walk into your building lobby, there’s your doorman, there’s the janitor fixing the floor and then a movie star comes out of the elevator.
Reid: Who do you say hello to?
Cathy: All 3 of them.
Reid: Yes. Correct.
If I can be as powerful as I need to be, but if I take care to interact with everybody that I come in contact with, to the extent that I can.
You’re walking down a busy New York street, you can’t. But if I’m in a social situation and I try to elegantly be present with each person and leave them feeling seen and heard and ideally smart as well, like they didn’t waste my time and then if I …and, the black belt move is, if I can understand like for me as the poster child for white male privilege, and I’m an extrovert, right? And I’m a goof ball.
Reid: Me understanding that some people will get quiet around me because in their experience I’m overpowering, so they kind of step to the side or that me being so loud and vocal may have other people not feel like it’s safe to speak up.
But in those instances where I can check in with everybody and be with them and invite them into the conversation, now I’ve turned into a person who’s powerful, who’s inviting other people to step into their power, that is not reckless.
Cathy: No, it’s not at all.
I think for me, I’m much shyer, I’m quieter, I can be very present with people and I can be somewhat powerful but I have trouble being both at the same time.
Reid: If you … this is just a guess. If you made it your point that every person that you sit at the table with, that it’s your duty, your calling to make sure that they have a voice, you don’t have to be any less or more shy but that intention will change how people interact with you and see you dramatically.
Cathy: Interesting. Yeah.
I think our society gives a lot of role models, a lot of examples of people that have power as empower over where they dominate.
Cathy: We don’t have a lot of examples of people that are powerful, supportive powerful, inviting.
So that … and this is the thing, like I know Cathy, I know how much she cares about people. If we can plug that caring into making sure people have voices and you leave them feeling seen and heard. Just a thought.
I’d love … this is something that’s really geeky for me. I’d love to know what you think. Do you … I know that when people are powerful, they can create more in the world and that increases their charisma and their ability to get people excited about what is happening and I want to get people excited and geeky about relationships because I know just a little bit of knowledge can make such a profound difference.
I’m interested in being powerful and I’m curious what have you noticed, are you nervous about being powerful? Are you confident? Do you struggle with it? Could you leave us comments below? Let us know.
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