What Is the Difference between Being Scared and Being Endangered?

Cathy: What is the difference between being scared and being endangered? I’m with Jimanekia Eborn from http://www.SEwJim.com/ and I’m Cathy Vartuli from http://www.IntimacyDojo.com/ and I think it’s really important to distinguish this sometimes because in our society there’s this kind of collapse where if I feel fear, either this other person is harming me or I shouldn’t do this activity versus there’s actual danger like stepping out of our comfort zones is often uncomfortable, talking to people about things that we might not be comf, like one thing that Arizona’s is trying to pass a law where people that can’t even talk about bigotry at the college’s they don’t want to talk about, they don’t want people to be able to talk about it because white privilege because they don’t want people like they, I don’t know for me it’s like it’s not always a comfortable conversation, I often feel like oh my God I thought I was doing such a good job and I can see that I’m not doing as good a job as I could have. It’s uncomfortable, I’m scared but it’s good for me its growth for me if I can talk through it versus someone’s actually threatening me or I’m super overwhelmed I need to take a break now and I’d love to have your thoughts on like where do you see the difference between you know safety you know actual safety issues and discomfort or or feeling fearful.


Jimanekia: I personally think that growth comes in discomfort if you’re you’re in the spaces and doing the same thing, nothing’s going to change.


Cathy: Yeah


Jimanekia: Fear fear is totally different. Fear is more of, it’s kind of thinking of for me like the outcome of it like oh, if I do this this may happen.


Cathy: Yeah


Jimanekia: Being in danger is it, this is coming at me, this is going to disrupt my life so there is definitely different things being uncomfortable, we’re all uncomfortable every day, like there’s certain things like, we read the story and we’re like ugh that hurt, that makes me feel weird or icky.


Cathy: Yeah.

Jimanekia: I think but those being uncomfortable leads to conversations.

Cathy: Yeah. No.


Jimanekia: The conversation that need to be had deciphering these conversations, decipherting these things that you brought up.


Cathy: Yeah. No, I think I love the same magic happens outside our comfort zones and I know for myself some of the biggest growth I met, I’ve gone through my brain was very afraid and maybe it’s because I’ve had the trauma in my past or whatever but I was like, oh this is terrifying, there’s no actual danger but I’m terrified versus I’m pushing myself too hard. I am, still have trouble distinguishing sometimes and it’s good to have friends that are like really it’s going to be fine or no maybe you should take a break like feedback is important in our world but I think even just being aware sometimes that you’re feeling discomfort doesn’t mean there’s actually anything wrong. Is there anything you help and you work with clients that are going through a lot of trauma, is there anything you know afterwards they’re trying to have a normal life, is there anything you want to recommend to them when they’re facing the discomfort versus not sure if there’s danger?


Jimanekia: Finding this is comfortable sitting in it and actually having your own time to decipher how am I feeling? Asking yourself questions. I find myself asking myself questions, okay if I accept to do this, what’s going to happen? How do I feel with this person asking me these questions, sit with it, I find that we also run for my thoughts, and that’s why we stay so busy, TV TV, social media, going out drinking like whatever we avoid it, so if you actually sit in it and ask yourself these questions I think you can find a lot of answers within yourself.


Cathy: Yeah, No, that’s the being with the feeling is hard but the more that we can build muscles for that and that’s something we always have to continue to work work on but just being with the feelings and normalizing that when we feel fear just saying is this a real fear, is there actually something that I need to like avoid or give myself a break from or is it just that I’m afraid of unknown things might happen just kind of normalizing that and just being with the feeling so because I want more people to have that magic in their lives and I know they’re not going to find it if they play it safe all the time.


Jimanekia: Of course not. Nothing, I mean safety is cool but you’re not going to grow. You’re not going to get where you want to go. Yeah, being safe, but if you’re in danger and it’s going to harm your life, destroy your life affects someone you know mental, physical, health and that’s a whole different conversation.


Cathy: Yeah, and we’re allowed to have self-care as well.


Jimanekia: I think we put off self-care a lot especially those that help others, you’re so busy wrapped up helping others that you forget to take care of yourself and I have to remind myself, take a break I’m going to schedule days in my planner, no work today.


Cathy: Nice.


Jimanekia: Because you your not, you can put yourself in those dangerous spaces with your health.


Cathy: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. If you have comments or thoughts, how do you distinguish between that kind of discomfort versus real danger or what questions you have, we’d love to know, leave comments below.