When You’ve Been Really Sick…
Not many people talk about what its like after you’ve been really sick. There are things that can make it easier to know…Find out with Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Robin Wilson Beattie from http://www.sexAbledwithRobinWB.com.
Cathy: So Robin, you and I have both been sick and one
Cathy: of the things that I was so surprised with afterwards was nobody told me I’d be depressed like and it hit me harder because no one I don’t think people talk about it.
Robin: People don’t talk about it people don’t talk about when you come when you have an experience like it could be sickness or you know
Cathy: a car accident
Robin: a trauma
Robin: or something like that nobody tells you that once you get through that once you get through that extremely traumatic event that you were going to feel like sh*t for a while.
Cathy: Everybody seems to think you’re oh you’ll be so [Inaudible 00:00:44]
Robin: [Inaudible 00:00:45] like oh guess what? Now you find out
Robin: you should be just be you just be cool like “yeah, Cath…Cathy” and you’re like no because you’re like you’re facing real you’re…you’re facing you’re like “oh my god. We don’t live forever.”
Robin: Guess what? And you don’t know and….and also you were you….you know when you learn that “oh my god, sh*t really does happen.”
Cathy: Well, just
Cathy: like physical strain on your body
Robin: Yeah, exactly.
Cathy: This is Robin Wilson Beattie from @sexAbled on twitter and I’m Cathy Vartuli from https://theintimacydojo.com/ and I would just I….I wanted to share because
Cathy: I was lucky that I was in a place where I could at least Google like
Cathy: why am I so tired and don’t have an
Cathy: interest anything like even food didn’t taste exciting to me?
Cathy: and I was like what’s wrong like oh this is perfectly normal you know two people most people after a serious illness or near death
Cathy: It’s like two to three months.
Cathy: But nobody in the hospital said a word.
Robin: Yeah, that actually should be part of rehab
Robin: Where you have the emotional support. I….I….that’s why you know I….I know like for certain traumatic events sometimes you know there are support you know groups but it’s still not emphasized and talked about enough that once you….you know like sick…sickness when you like especially like when you have like I…I you know I’m being serious like a near-death experience when you when you encounter that yeah it takes it takes a while.
Robin: And sometimes it’s months and sometimes it’s years.
Robin: It depends on
Cathy: They recommend that you not make any major decisions for two to three months after
Robin: Yeah exactly
Cathy: Because you just like
Robin: and that’s a good reason why.
Cathy: Yeah. So much is changing.
Robin: Yeah, so much is changing and….but and it and it’s not but that was also where I have found for me because you know I’ve run up against that a couple of other times because I have a disability and my body and my neurological system a lot of times it’s like “hey, guess what? Let’s give up the ghost.” And but you know
Cathy: I’m glad you’re here today.
Robin: Yeah, I’m glad I’m here too like every time but now I’ve want that you know when I do encounter that the last time I encounter that was a year ago where I had a malfunction from my baclofen pump and I had I got an overdose and I you know had to go hospital was it was as bad but and that the thing is I was getting ready to fly out and move to California and it was so much and I couldn’t really deal with it so much at that time I’m like a recovered but I’ve learned that what really helped me is reaching out and talking to people.
Robin: and reaching out and saying “hey, this is how I’m feeling” because I learned that the only way I was going to get through that was with a community support.
Robin: You know on some things but that’s because I already learned for me and I’ve learned that lesson you know from my last experience.
Cathy: Yeah, but if it’s your first time
Robin: Iueah we wouldn’t know that you don’t know that and so and I feel like that is that’s extremely extraordinarily important to know that that’s something I would like to actually you know helped teach people that yeah um yeah you’re what would you recommend to community that wants to support like your friends yeah you what if a friend wanted to support someone that was going through a major illness or trauma what would you recommend to them um I first off i recommend actually listening to as a person and validating that you’re hearing them and that you’re listening and that you are you’re genuinely holding space and not in the get wellston ok but you know a genuine um because then that person can feel more comfortable coming about out about how they really feel I have found for me I think one of the most profound ways I think that I can help someone I think is how you can help someone is say how would you like to be supportive yeah um because you know um late for instancelike when and when can I talk about the facts like one that you with your experience you know it was able to say hey um I I knew you know I wanted to see you yeah but I also knew that your boundaries you can’t have like what you couldn’t have like a long peace out you know the short order yeah short officially together right yeah I had took friends that were just busy an idea because I needed very little awake time I didn’t show up within an hour of when they said yeah I was like now available to visit so exactly and they were great you showed up we talked for like 45 minutes near like okay you look tired I’m going to go let your guests is there anything else you need it was perfect and that is how you be that to me that helps because I let that person know that hey there is some I’m not alone yeah I know that there are so there are people out there who do genuinely care and even though I’m adjusting right now to the fact that hey this horrible thing just happened to
me and I almost didn’t make it you know
it’s gonna their support their yeah like
Micah Lisa came over and brought me
lunch because I couldn’t cook and I
didn’t want to decide anything they
clean my refrigerator because it was
food from before I went in the hospital
there it took the trash out and I like
okay we left you dinner bye it was like
oh that’s that the end and that is like
yeah that’s like that’s how you that’s
how you’re supportive and that’s late
and so but you’ve let make sure that
it’s been being supportive is that you
know listening to that person saying hey
I’m here also losing their boundaries
they may have boundaries new boundaries
that they didn’t have um before well be
a hospital yeah yeah because you don’t
really like you don’t have yeah you
don’t you don’t have any control yeah in
a hospital I learned I mean that’s kind
of where I have now a free approach to
who sees me naked because whatever
because they are all at your business 24
hours yeah I think just thinking about
service when you’ve been sick you don’t
have the brain pounding the things but
thinking about hey when I don’t feel
well or I don’t have a lot of energy
what’s hard yeah like one of my
neighbors is she’s such an amazing woman
Viviana she didn’t take my trash out
every one day and bring back the roll
them back later in the day and it to me
that was like a huge Stratos you so just
little things like that and learning to
ask for what you need people sometimes
say no that’s okay but yeah if you don’t
ask no it’s yeah as well as mouth don’t
get fan oh yes profits okay
so we wanted to share this because we
want to normalize it from yeah I wait we
need to talk about that um and I feel
like especially in you know whatever
comes what may in the future um one
thing wait you know human beings how we
do survive is you know we’re reaching
out and supporting each other yeah yeah
leave comments below we’d love to know
what you think and how you take care of
yourself or others when they’ve had a
major illness congratulations on taking
this time for yourself and learning
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