Cathy: Someone wrote in and said could you talk more about bisexuality, there’s not a lot out there that I like at it.
Reid: Bisexuality? I can’t see it! It’s invisible. This is Cathy Vartuli from https://TheIntimacyDojo.com/.
Cathy: This is Reid Mihalko from https://ReidAboutSex.com/.
Reid: It’s a little joke for bisexuals out there about bisexual invisibility.
Cathy: A lot of society just don’t see them as they don’t think bisexuality is a thing.
Reid: It’s rendered invisible whose super power they’d be like inviso-twins or something.
Cathy: I think it’s becoming more obvious as a gay men, gay women are more accepted in society. The people that are kind of walk..
Reid: With gay walkers, walking both ways. They’re like blade.
Cathy: I personally think it’s really smart and twice as many people you go on a date.
Reid: It just increase your ads but twice at least and then for those who are queer or pansexual and you’re interested in all genders then you just increase your ads as much as you probably can. Bisexuality, invisibility. Go Cathy Vartuli, go.
Cathy: Well, I consider myself a pansexual like I don’t care what someone’s gender is as long as they’re pretty amazing.
Reid: But that doesn’t mean when you meet somebody who’s pretty amazing that you’re automatically want to sleep with them.
Cathy: No, it does not. My body likes human body like it has a mind of its own.
Cathy: But traditionally bisexual means that you’re attracted to people on both genders. In a binary world where there’s two genders. I know when I was coming out, I thought I was a lesbian cause I really like kissing women in the early 1990’s. The lesbian community, the people I was hanging out was very upset when I dated a male. They felt like I’ve been swayed by a patriarchy or..
Reid: Went easy way out?
Cathy: Yes. Whereas I just generally like people. When I’m attracted to someone, it doesn’t matter to me their gender is. I think that a lot of [inaudible 00:02:22] pressure to be on one gender or the other in a binary world because it makes people feel safe. Like oh okay so you’re like that, I know how to categorize you.
Reid: Allison’s mom when she came out as a dyke. She was like oh, I’m straight and I fell in love with your father so you were just want to fall in love with women and that makes sense to her.
Cathy: There’s a lot of category.
Reid: But if you can be…
Cathy: And then she brought you home.
Reid: Yeah and I’ve ruined everything. But then if you want to see for both sexes, there’s not a category for that so I think that’s where and gets tricky then we think oh well, if you’re bi, you haven’t decided yet what side yet of team.
Cathy: I think it is also scary for people because sexuality is scary in our culture for people. And if I don’t know how to categorize. I might just sleep with anyone. What if you’re trying to sleep with me? Some people think that there are lack of boundaries, if that makes sense.
Reid: If you’ve haven’t grown up because you’re not in church and you haven’t picked a team yet, all that stuff is basically I like to call a bucket of culture is having its way with you and culture is fucked up. There are more coward ways to look at this meaning what makes you happy. It might confuse you or confuse your friends because it goes against the grain of what society approve but human beings, attraction, we want to sleep with, the distinct there’s so many ways to look at it that it’s complex. You may be attracted to both sexes or all genders because we can deconstruct that and talk about gender non-conforming and gender queer and al l these other ways of looking at how we present gender. But this situation of oh you can be attracted to all these different types of people but still in your who I want to partner with and share home with, I lean more in this direction. So you can be attracted to who you’re attracted to but still want to only be in a relationship with or get fall in love with a certain kind of person and I don’t think that erases the complexity of how we express our attraction, sexuality and our desires. You can also just, I’m on tear, you can sleep with other people, other genders and that still doesn’t mean you have to identify as bisexual cause you could be experimenting or every once in a while or whatever.
Cathy: People I’ve heard off having their normalish. Pretty much having sexual relations but kind of flexible.
Reid: Like every time you’re in Vegas or in vacation.
Cathy: You get to define yourself.
Reid: So sexual identity is a self-defined kind of thing. Culture will tell you it’s this or that. Culture is full of shit. Understanding that culture is having its way with your friends, your family or your loved ones is also useful. Your friends aren’t necessarily full of shit but we’re all being heavily influenced by culture and how we were raised. So the big question is can a person be sexually attracted to both genders. The answer is yes. Can people be sexually attracted to just people? The answer’s yes. There’s a lot yeses when it comes to how you identify and what you might be attracted to and for me and Cathy finding the tools so that you can be like less ashamed of who you are and create a life where you get to ask for what you want and be happier and more self-express, I think that’s what’s involved. No one’s identity is more involved in another, that’s my opinion. I believe it’s a right opinion because it makes for a better plan.
Cathy: It makes people happier. You can try to be politically correct but it kind of squirts outside where you have left.
Reid: That’s weird when we’re both sex educators. Leave questions and comments below.