Cathy: Hi everyone. This is Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: This is Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com and this is Video 4. We don’t know how many there are going to be.
Cathy: It’s a surprise.
Reid: Energetic sex, we just keep coming. It’s nuts. You were talking about mindfulness.
Cathy: Right, being mentally present. I’ll get into that too, like while I have a lot of things I need to do and I’m thinking about the next thing that I want to do when I’m already doing something. But when we’re engaging with physical connection it’s really nice if you’re actually present for what you’re doing, so if you’re kissing someone you’re not already thinking, “How far can I get. Where am I going to go next? Is that person going to let me go to the next base” or whatever, you can actually be present and there for the kissing.
Reid: In your experience how does that help?
Cathy: The sensations are more present and more intense, and also the other person senses it. If someone is kissing but thinking about, “Oh, is she going to want me to take her bra off” I can kind of tell they’re not really there.
Reid: You can tell? Oh my God, how embarrassing.
Reid: My seventh grade side is like, “Oh my God, they know!”
Cathy: You can tell if someone’s, “Okay, I’m going to kiss her for two minutes, and then I’m going to try to move to the next phase.” It’s not as present, it’s not as hot, and it’s not as juicy or not a good connection. Do you have any tips on staying present?
Reid: This is all inside the energetic thing. You’re listening for the note that’s working and trying—
Cathy: –it’s hard to listen if you’re doing your grocery list.
Reid: Yes. So in that way you have an agenda to begin with, because you’re trying to hit this pitch with this note, but it’s different than going through some sort of grocery list, some sort of checklist. What I’m trying to do is I’m trying to find the sweet spot rather than go step 1, 2, 3. That might be confusing for some of you, but again, we’re talking about something that’s actually experiential, so these are things where you have to give yourself space to try and not get it, and let it be frustrating, and once you…if you can find your partner’s note and start to broadcast it and turn up the volume, or the spigot/faucet to your energy such that when they start resonating, their vibration is now floating onto you, and because you’re at that same note, you’re vibrating more, and you guys get into a feedback loop, and then the energy just kind of shifts and starts to expand.
That’s probably the easiest way that I know of to teach people or introduce people to paying with energetic sex, but like you’re saying, if you’re not being mindful, trying to be present with the people that you’re playing with and you’re not moving slow enough to be able to pick up the sensation and slow enough for them to pick up the sensation, it’s very hard to find any kind of note, and you’re really just stumbling around in the dark.
Cathy: Thank you.
Reid: You’re welcome. Try it, and there’s no science for this. Maybe you will discover it.
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