Cathy: Someone wrote in and said to Reid, I love your interview with Christopher Ryan. It was really good and he continued although it’s too short I definitely need help with the cabin casual sex and leaving a girl feeling great about our relationship. Can you give us some advice? This is Reid Mihalko from https://ReidAboutSex.com/.
Reid: Cathy Vartuli from https://TheIntimacyDojo.com/ and we have a new microphone that we’re recording for today. We just, what you can see.
Cathy: Oh you can see it.
Reid: I’m trying not to yell cause just..
Cathy: We had a couple of comments.
Reid: About my yelling, I apologize.
Cathy: He gets excited.
Reid: I do.
Cathy: And sometimes like pinching.
Reid: I yell like this. Alright questions, Christopher Ryan, thanks Chris for letting me onto your podcast so it’s always a pleasure. You can check out Christopher Ryan and its Tangentially speaking is the name of his podcast. So casual sex, so let’s talk about casual sex. What the question again?
Cathy: They want to know how you can have casual sex and leave the girl feeling great about it through their connection.
Reid: Oh, just be a nice person.
Cathy: And be upfront about it at first like from the beginning.
Reid: Say thank you, say please but the biggest piece I’m going to say around casual sex and if you’re curious about casual sex stuff, I have some advice available at https://ReidAboutSex.com/slutprotocols is the easiest way to remember cause I, I called my casual sex protocols my slut protocols and the biggest thing that you can do to help people feel okay with casual sex cause maybe you just you know it was the right day or you just said the right thing or you’re just a really nice person and this might be this person’s first time having casual sex, one night stand or whatever, however that occurs in their mind. Aside from being a really just nice person, text them the next day and say Hey thank you for the casual sex, the slut protocols can give you ways of figuring out and helping to not create for each other this unintentional we just fell in love experience and the slut protocols can be really helpful for just assessing and having a conversation with the person about your casual sex so that you’re both not taking it casually. That would be where I would start because the biggest challenge is we end up having casual sex with people who aren’t wired well for casual sex so it’s just doesn’t work well for them.
Cathy: Well, also for a lot of people it’s our society kind of brings you up especially females were taught in school, with their parents that for many of us that having casual sex means you are a slut or you’re a bad person and you should only have sex with someone you really deeply love and that’s actually like once we get passed the culture, the culturation and a lot of us like no that’s not necessarily true but…
Reid: Well true for them like because there are some people were casual sex doesn’t make them happy.
Cathy: Right there’s nothing wrong with that.
Reid: And I would say that don’t have casual sex and then there are people for having like, you know four-year long term relationships or with only one person doesn’t make them happy. Again it’s tricky either way because we live in a society now where there’s a lot more choice and the onus is on you to do the work to figure out what makes you happy and also to do the work to figure out if what you’re going to do with this person or people if it’s going to make them happy and sometimes because they’ve never done it before or done it a lot, they don’t know if it makes them happy yet. So going back to this lovely question, it sounds like it’s an assessment technique where you’re like figuring out are we a good fit for casual sex which means you need to like actually have conversations about it.
Cathy: I love your.. So a lot of times I will have go through Reid’s safer elevator speech.
Reid: Safer sex elevator speech..
Cathy: Because it’s a…
Cathy: It’s a great way to bring up the topic and discuss it because there are people that I find really fun that I might want to connect with sexually but we’re not a good fit for relationships and being able to talk about those things and one of my biggest concerns is with having casual sex is have they been tested and then they going to tell me if they find out that they contracted something afterwards so going through that lets me know how savvy they are and if they can handle that conversation there are at least someone in the game and it opens the door for more session.
Reid: Yeah. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to upset people, doesn’t mean you’re not going to upset yourself. However, talking about it and generally creating a situation that us talking about it ruin the opportunity..
Reid: That’s a good thing. You want to ruin the opportunity because you talk about it too much and the ideas just don’t take the casual sex casually and then treat people like amazing human beings anyone that wants to share their genitals with you must by the very nature of them wanting to be that generous. Maybe there’s a pretty nice person. I mean there’s some assholes out there who want to show their genitals too but just treat people nice and check out the slut protocols.
Cathy: Yeah hope this help. Let us know what you think. We love to hear your comments below.