Cathy: Someone new to our channel wrote in and said, “How can I make a girl come really… Is orgasm is fast as possible the first time we meet? This is Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com/
Reid: Cathy Vartuli. Cathy ‘speedy’ Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com/. Answer that question, Cathy.
Reid: It’s a race! Go!
Cathy: The best way that I can think of is not to try. It’s about building a relationship and having connection and trying to aim for an orgasm is, people feel that pressure and that they’re being pushed and they’ll sense that robotic thing. They’re not want to go there. They’ll not going to feel safe that you’re present with them and your body feels like you have an agenda. So, if you can just be present with the people you’re with and let them be where they are, just enjoy the connection that you have, that’s actually going to speed up the connection and in that sense more likely.
Reid: My snarky answer is let them get themselves off would usually be the fastest way to have somebody orgasm and the non-snarky answer is, if that’s really your goal and that’s important to you whatever reason, like you’re trying to set a land speed record or something, have a conversation with a person you’re trying to get off about hey, something that would be really fun for me is when we’re together. I’d like to set a land speed record for getting you off, is there a way that you can me some hints, is there an idea that you’re interested in, would this be fun for you. The biggest challenge is for a men and women, and people of all gender not conforming what not is this idea that especially Americans society we have people who watch our channel from all over the planet but will speak for Americans as Americans. There is this agenda or this orgasm centricness about trying to get people off which creates a lot of pressure like pressure for the people trying to get you off, pressure for the people who are receiving. So one great thing which just like what you said, take off that the table and also not to make having orgasms a bad thing coz it’s not to have a geeky conversation with the people like hey, I would love to try to set or break my own record. And if you’re doing it in a really compassionate present playful way, now it’s about things being playful.
Cathy: And consensual.
Reid: And consensual and transparent which is not how most people get to have their sex.
Cathy: And it might be really fun for some people like, yeah, okay, if you touch me here and do this I’m just going to be like..
Reid: I have a stop watch from high school that is waiting for this let me find it. And you’re making a playful and gnarly and but if you’re trying to do it behind somebody’s back, a lot of people are sensitive to that kind of energy of making something in to a performance. And it can really be off to people.
Cathy: Yeah. And if that’s something.. one thing to ask yourself is why is that important to you. What would that make you feel or what sense of power that would give you. And find out that is something really authentic to you because some people are just like, oh I just watched a lot of porn and they always seem to come in instantly and I thought that was supposed to or makes me feel very masculine whenever whereas I can tell you that somebody goes really slow and is very present is going to get my attention a lot faster.
Reid: Last but not the least, for everybody out there listening, professional tools for professional results so other ways to generate more pleasure for people to create different kinds of orgasms maybe have things happen sooner than later is exploring and practicing with sex toys and that generally speaking so many people have weirdness or shame around playing with toys that you can be that awesome human being who’s like, hey, I just want to explore things. Would you be willing to, you know, invite some toys into the bedroom and explore our bodies with them. I like augmenting things in some people’s bodies respond much better to certain kind of stimulation. So again, you have an entire industry of toys out there that you can avail yourself of and add that into the mix.
Reid: What do you think? What are your thoughts? What’s useful in this video? Hit subscribe why don’t you while you’re at it.