What do you do if your partner or lover doesn’t want to have sex?

Find out with Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo and Reid Mihalko and http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.

Cathy: So someone wrote in and said you talked about how to get my wife to have sex with me again program, has it been released yet? And can you tell us how to get this to work? This is Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com/.

Reid: Cathy Vartuli from http://TheUntimacyDojo.com. Technically, it was never a program. It was a webinar.

Cathy: Which did happen.

Reid: Which did happen.

Cathy: I will put the link down below.

Reid: And the program I would recommend is Relationship 10x at http://Relationship10x.com/ and you get some free videos and if you and your wife, or you and your husband, your boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever you’re dating, if you want to do the communication geekery that’s in that program that has helped tons of people get better at communicating and working through their upsets which if you like each other, once you work through all of that emotional scar tissue or you know the emotional barnacles that are slowing the relationship down then people just end up having better communication skills, less upset. They start asking for what they want and then all of a sudden if you really like people, you’re like Oh my God, let’s have some sex or make out or do something. In that course, there’s every Wednesday like every Hump Day then we do a little video and some education on sexuality stuff and sex stuff and creating pleasure with each other’s bodies that kind of heightens people’s curiosity and then they want to practice on each other. Your mileage may vary but that is the course where in the teleclass, it really was like hey you know here’s why people aren’t sleeping with each other generally speaking and then here some of the things to look at. Relationship 10x is one of those courses that really does solve or dissolve a lot of the concerns and problems that are keeping people from sleeping together if you want to sleep together.

Cathy: And it teaches you amazing relationship skills that you can use throughout your life. If you want to your partner to sleep with you again just talking to them about what you’d like to have happen and asking what they’re feeling like being genuine instead of trying to- I’ve read a lot of books talked about take out the trash. Yeah, definitely take off the trash, it’s a nice thing to do but talking to each other about what’s really going on and what each other’s feeling rather than trying to hint and hope, I think is much more useful.

Reid: Yeah, also just being understanding that sometimes people are going through certain situations with their body so having sex or trying to be erotic with each other might be painful. Pain, the kind that you don’t want. If you’re into pain as an erotic thing that’s one thing but most people don’t feel sexy when there’s a toothache, if there’s something going on with an injury or their back or their pelvis or something like that. So understanding that sometimes, there are things that are actually going on. It’s not really about you, it’s about what’s going on for each other’s bodies. Certain people are maybe on medications that really kind of decrease their libido so they’re just not interested in sex. It’s not that they’re not interested in you or don’t love you, it’s that the spark is kind of being muffled by whatever medicine and whatnot they’re on.

Cathy: Or just different times in our lives or stress can cause hormonal fluctuations which make it less sexy time.

Reid: One of the things that I would recommend if you don’t get chance to listen to the teleclass is the idea of let’s take sex off the table and let’s increase the number of crayons in our crayon box for how can we exchange pleasure and just make each other feel good.

Cathy: Build connection.

Reid: And so from that perspective, if you guys like taking showers- taking a shower together like just soaping up a loved one in the shower and rinsing them off and then drying each other off. There’s so many other ways, just cuddling while you’re watching television. If that works for your body rather than sitting in different chairs on either side of the coffee table that is between you. Little things just going for a walk and holding hands, these kinds of things can be really important. Taking an AcroYoga -class together worth like something where you’re doing stuff together can be really helpful. Now I have in my head that scene from Ghost where they’re doing pottery together like whatever. Cooking with each other and sharing a hug. Set one of the cooking timers to share a hug every five minutes while you’re making dinner. Things like that, it doesn’t always have to be sex but connection physical touch when you want it and creating pleasure for each other helps a lot because a lot of people have in their minds that they feel that they have to have the sex. So baby steps, avail yourself of more information, figure out what’s going on for you and then the ability to be able to talk about it.

Cathy: Let us know what you think. We’d love to hear.