What’s the protocol about coming in a woman’s mouth when she’s going down on you?
With Elizabeth Wood and Dan Powers from http://www.BeyondTheBedroom and Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Dan: Hi. One of the questions that I’ve gotten in the past is, is it okay to come in a woman’s mouth especially the first couple dates or so? I’m Dan Powers with http://BeyondTheBedroomEvents.com/ and this is Elizabeth Wood.
Elizabeth: I’m Elizabeth Wood.
Dan: This is Cathy Vartuli.
Cathy: From http://TheIntimacyDojo.com/.
Dan: I thought while I’m here with these two women, I would love to ask them this question because I have my thoughts as well, but I’m going to let them talk first.
Cathy: I love the question. I like to be asked. If someone could say, “I would like to do this,” but I want to be asked before someone does that even if I dated them for a long time or we had a lot of sex. I love that, being asked, and getting to choose. That’s really hot for me.
Dan: The whole permission kind of thing.
Cathy: Yeah. You’re not just assuming.
Elizabeth: Yes, not making that assumption that that’s something that you want. I think that’s great. Are you asking specifically within the first couple of dates?
Dan: Yeah, first couple of dates or- I think it’s more in the first couple dates because the way the questioner had asked it was, I’m going on a date with this guy and he wants to be able to come in my mouth. Is that okay or is that disrespectful?
Elizabeth: It’s a great- Especially since he’s stated his desire and then, yeah, where a choice…
Cathy: Yeah. I love that he asked.
Elizabeth: Or a choice as to whether or not that’s something that we want to do. Maybe this particular woman thinks that that might be a really intimate step for her and maybe she was embarrassed about wanting to say no until she got to know him better. In that case, obviously state your no. If somebody doesn’t ask, we have the opportunity to take ourselves away.
Cathy: As long as you can tell. Sometimes there’s not as many warning signs.
Elizabeth: Yes, that’s right.
Cathy: [crosstalk 00:01:47]
Dan: I don’t have that much experience with that, so I’ll have to…
Elizabeth: We’ll talk about it.
Cathy: Sometimes you can’t tell and I’ve actually asked people like, “Hey, if you’re going to come please warn me, so I can choose what I want to do.”
Elizabeth: That’s so great. You’re getting a lot of language in here.
Dan: But you don’t find it disrespectful?
Cathy: No. It’s so much about the attitude. If someone is doing it in a disrespectful manner or I think it’s disrespectful, then it’s disrespectful. If it’s like, “Oh, this is really cool, we’re sharing this experience as long as you’ve had your safer sex elevator speech and …
Dan: Very important.
Cathy: Yes, and you’re feeling like everything’s safe to do that. I think you should do what … Our bodies change and our energy, and what’s erotic changes. I shared how I like having people ask me first, but I also have this fun fantasy that I’ve had with a partner where we negotiated ahead. We were just sitting there watching TV and he unzipped his pants, and pushed my head down. There was no verbal, but it was pre-negotiated. It was just kind of hot that there wasn’t …
Dan: That more passionate drive and-
Cathy: Yeah, like we’re just going to do this.
Dan: Raw sexual energy.
Dan: Seems fun.
Cathy: I really think it’s about what mood are you in, in that moment, and you get to change your mind. So much of our society says you have to- Once you started, you’re on that slippery slope. No. You get to say, “I think that’s great. Let’s do that.” Then as he gets to- You know, I changed my mind. You don’t get to know. You get to have that choice.
Elizabeth: That’s great, great advice.
Dan: We’d love to hear your comments and what you think as well. Please leave it below and … What else?
Elizabeth: Keep the questions coming.
Cathy: Yeah, let us know.