What to do when someone says something really mean to you? Examples with Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com and Reid Mihalko from http://www.ReidAboutSex.com.
Reid: From the road. Reid Mihalko from http://ReidAboutSex.com.
Cathy: And Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com.
Reid: Answering your questions to our videos.
Cathy: In reply to our video on how to handle mean people, how to deal with them.
Reid: Somebody left a really mean comment.
Reid: What was that about?
Cathy: They said that I was an insecure, fat, selfish bitch, who didn’t hang out with people that would tell me the truth, because of that, and Reid was a weak little bitch for hanging out with me.
Reid: Well, at least they got that part right.
Cathy: Reid, what would you say to someone like that?
Reid: Haters are going to hate, baby. Haters are going to hate. How many views do you have on your YouTube channel, my friend? Mr. Meanie Man. That’s right. Haters are going to hate.
Cathy: Yes. And I admit that I am sometimes insecure. I think people sometimes are insecure, and I am fat, and sometimes I’m bitchy.
Cathy: Don’t agree.
Reid: In some ways, he’s actually right, but he was kind of mean about it.
Reid: And that’s usually a sign that somebody is trying to make themselves feel better, and I put money on it that that person’s YouTube handle isn’t their actual name.
Cathy: Probably not.
Reid: A lot of people are working through their anger and whatnot on the internet by taking swipes at other folks. Me, whenever I actually deal with that in person, I’ve usually, if I’m having a good day, I’m like, “Oh, my goodness. Are you okay? What’s up? Obviously you have strong opinions and stuff, and you’re being kind of strong about it right now, so have you been having a bad day? What do you need from me?”
Reid: And by handling people like that, if you want to, that’s my style. You can just go tell people to go fuck themselves.
I’m just very interested in why people are being mean, because I’m a geek and a dork about that. That is … Somebody being verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, very different than you might be in physical danger, so my way of dealing with it doesn’t have to be yours. I’m a large white guy, and I used to do karate, so I have a different orientation to violence, and they’re just being mean. They’re just being mean. That’s stupid. You don’t have to even listen to that stuff. You could delete them as much from your life as you can, and if they’re family members, I apologize, because they’re never going to stop coming to Thanksgiving dinner.
Cathy: They’ll be there forever.
One of the things that can help is just…when I first saw the comment, it hurt, because we put a lot of vulnerability out there, and we share, and …
Reid: Someone being mean on the comments in the mean video.
Cathy: Yes. But the truth is, if I feel shameful about being fat, or insecure, or bitchy, then that’s going to hit a lot harder than if I really am like, “Well, sometimes I am insecure. Sometimes I am bitchy, and I am fat,” and that just takes a lot of the sting out of it. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Humans are sometimes what they are.
Reid: He’s just being, or she’s being a fourth grader, who’s trying to get … Feel more powerful by making other people feel small.
We’d love to know what your comments are, what you thought about … What you think about someone being fat, direct about, things like that.
Reid: How do you handle mean people, and Mr. Meanie Pants, or Ms. Meanie Pants, if you left that mean comment and you’re watching this, I want to know how you handle mean people.
Cathy: We’ll leave you with some beautiful shots of the amazing New Mexico profile of … I love the weather…
Reid: Yeah. Take that, Meanie Pants.
Reid: Just look at that gorgeous landscape, and see if you can stay angry.
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